Self-compassion: how it can help you manage stress and improve the overall quality of your life

Today’s world isn’t easy. Maintaining a work-life balance has never been more challenging. Anxiety, fear of the future, and feeling overwhelmed are much too common; the thing we all desire is to feel content and at peace, which can seem unattainable.?

As the external world is increasingly unpredictable, and you need to juggle a little too much, the practice of self-compassion is a sustainable way of managing stress as well as other negative feelings you might have about yourself. Beyond liking yourself, it is also a great tool for career success and positively dealing with failure, according to brain science.

The wave of compassion has gained momentum in the sea of self-development practices. Here, we break down what self-compassion is, why it is important for your general well-being, and how it can support your lifelong learning journey.

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is the practice of being kind and understanding towards yourself during difficult times, like when you experience failure. It means treating yourself with the same care and understanding that you would a friend or loved one.?

In conversation with Bryan Robinson, Ph.D., expert Dr. Kristin Neff, author of Fierce Self Compassion, tells him that self-compassion “helps us gain success, and it helps us deal with failure, which helps us succeed.”?

She adds that you grow and learn by dealing productively with failure. “If you go into shame mode after failure, it’s not going to allow you to grow or take risks. You can be vulnerable, learn and grow if you have your own back with self-compassion.”

Dr. Neff works as an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and is one of the pioneers in the field. Her extensive research has formed a scientific foundation and shown that self-compassion can lead to a variety of benefits such as:

• Increased well-being
• Reduced stress?
• Reduced depression and anxiety
• Better relationships
• Career success

Many people mistake self-compassion for self-pity or self-indulgence. To be compassionate with yourself means to be curious and acceptant of difficult emotions and experiences rather than avoiding or suppressing them. With practice, self-compassion can become a natural and automatic response to challenging situations, leading to greater resilience and well-being.?

Self-compassion vs. self-esteem

When talking about self-compassion, it is important to address self-esteem and the relationship between the two. It’s easy to interchange the two concepts or to believe that self-esteem is more important to have.?

Self-esteem, often referred to as self-confidence, is how you value and perceive yourself. Having high self-esteem is important for well-being as it helps you have better relationships, a clearer purpose, and resilience. But where does it come from??

The evaluation of your worth is influenced by factors like your past experiences, relationships, and societal messages. As necessary as it is to have high self-esteem, it is equally important to recognize that these beliefs have been conditioned by external forces ever since you were a child.

According to Christopher Gerner Ph.D., lecturer in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, external forces like compliments and social media directly affect self-esteem. It’s hard to rely on something that builds on external validation, making self-compassion a more sustainable support system.?

A kinder, more successful journey

Wherever you are in your learning journey, whether you’re changing your career, or wanting to upskill while trying to have a healthy work-life balance, the practice of self-compassion can be beneficial. Taking the step to learn new things is in itself a healthy practice. It is, however, wise to acknowledge that there are always things we can’t control and that having a busy life means you don’t get to learn as much as you need or want to.?

Lifelong learning is about patience; focusing on the process and recognizing that there’s always room to grow without rushing. If you are highly ambitious and passionate about building a meaningful career, it will take the time it takes. It will also take a good support system to help you manage the busy areas of your life.?

A particular group of people that self-compassion can be beneficial for is perfectionists. Dr. Neff reminds us that the practice helps us see imperfection as part of the shared human experience. Being a perfectionist makes you prone to stress and burnout, according to Dr. Gordon Parker, professor of psychiatry at the University of New South Wales in Australia and lead author of the recent book Burnout: A Guide to Identifying Burnout and Pathways to Recovery.?

Four ways to practice self-compassion

When you’re establishing a workout routine, you should think of exercise as a way of life, not just another thing on your endless to-do list. The same goes for being compassionate with yourself. According to Dr. Neff, there are a few key things to keep in mind.

Practice goodwill, not good feelings?

You can’t control the way things are. To be kinder to yourself, it’s important to give up the need to change how you feel. Self-compassion is about embracing things as they are and becoming free of judgment.?

Accept the struggle?

It’s difficult to admit, but life and suffering often go hand in hand. Working on accepting the pain you’re going through ultimately makes you more grounded. This support and comfort provide optimal conditions for personal growth.?

Be mindful of the process

It is important to be aware that, at the beginning of your practice, the heavy emotions or stress you have suppressed might intensify.

Here are four ways to practice self-compassion according to experts:

1. Guided practices - Dr. Neff has a free library of guided meditations, which make up her framework and research.?
2. Positive self-talk - try to say three positive affirmations to yourself in the morning
3. Mindfulness exercises - this doesn’t have to be an hour long, just closing your eyes for 5 minutes can make a big impact
4. Deep breathing or other types of breathwork - this practice is central for cultivating self-compassion, combating stress and anxiety, as well as improving sleep. There are many types of breathwork you can learn about and try out?

The takeaway

Research shows that self-compassion can make a real difference in your life. The state of the world today can affect us negatively easier than ever before. Even though it is an important aspect of mental health, relying on self-esteem alone isn’t enough. Ideally, you can prioritize and invest in yourself by practicing self-compassion so that you can face yourself with kindness and resilience.?