Self-Compassion & Growth

It’s been an interesting two weeks and I’m glad to be back after last week’s hiatus. I’ll be taking another hiatus next week but want to connect with all of you before I do. There are many new faces here; welcome! I’m so glad that you’ve joined us. All of you belong here. ??

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had the opportunity to support several underrepresented women through some turbulent times in their careers. I’ve also had the opportunity to connect with people moving through their allyship journeys, who are fearful of the road ahead and, most of all, causing harm.?

Both of these scenarios have required one common reminder: To grow, we have to give space for self-compassion. Because inevitably, in both of these journeys, there will be missteps. Things each will wish they had done differently, said differently, chosen, and so on. We can’t turn back the clock on decisions already made, but we can practice self-compassion and say that we did the best we could with the information we had at hand at the time.

Why am I bringing this up now? If you’ve been here awhile, you know that I’ve spoken about Tema Okun’s characteristics of white supremacy culture. You can read more here . A common misconception about white supremacy is that it only impacts marginalized groups. In reality, white supremacy impacts all of us because the systems we all operate in every day were designed to favor and maintain white power, privilege, and status. To do that, you have to create a certain set of standards of behavior that are unsustainable over a long period of time for any one of us, regardless of who we are, to maintain. As Okun so eloquently says, “White supremacy culture trains us all to internalize attitudes and behaviors that do not serve any of us.”

In the conversations I’ve had with the underrepresented women and the aspiring allies I’ve been supporting, I’ve found multiple elements of white supremacy culture emerging in our discussions. Perfectionism, either/or thinking, fear of open conflict, sense of urgency, I’m the only one, just to name a few.?

I share this because it’s not intentional that this shows up in any of these conversations. I argue that when you’ve been so immersed in a system that has baked these principles in so one group can maintain positionality and privilege, thinking like this becomes as natural as the air you breathe. White supremacy culture demands that we are perfect, that we make the right choices, that we pick this/that, that we toe the line, don’t embrace productive conflict, and many other behaviors that are counterproductive to fostering community, connection, togetherness, equity, and dignity.?

To embrace imperfection and leave space for growth, to give ourselves space to learn from our mistakes, to give ourselves the compassion to do something different next time—that is a radical act.

Summer update

I know some of you have just joined us here and I want to share an update with all of you. I’ve decided to press the ‘pause’ button on this newsletter for the month of July. My family and I will be spending some quality time together and doing some traveling! I’m excited to share my adventures with all of you when I return. I hope your July is beautiful. ??