Self-compassion for adult "tantrums"
Michelle Drapkin, PhD ABPP
Behavior Scientist ? Award-Winning Author ?Speaker ? Innovator ? Trainer ? Board-Certified Psychologist
One time our daughter had a MASSIVE meltdown in Walmart, insisting on her need for Fruit Loops. It was our fault. She was tired and hungry and we dragged her to shop for a birthday present for a friend.
We stayed calm and validating. She was unraveled. We were doing a good job managing it and yet I almost lost my cool on a woman who rolled her eyes at us, turned back to look and huff, and even tried to get another shopper in on her "can you believe that?" mentality. Our daughter is an amazing child and we let her down by pushing her past her limits. Did we hand her the box of Fruit Loops to shut her up? No. Instead, we waited it out, discussed it with her, helped her understand, and got her to a place where she was excited about a different kind of cereal (Crispix, a bit healthier).
But, to the shopper with the angry face, lacking in empathy and compassion, I feel badly for you. My wish for you is that you realize that sometimes we all are going to melt down and not cope well. My hope is that when it happens to me that I have the support, love, acceptance, and understanding that we were able to show our daughter that day (not you!).
Life is not perfect. We will not respond perfectly to situations and sometimes we lose our sh*t. What is important is that we are shown compassion and - even more importantly - that we show compassion to ourselves. We model this every day - in our teams, in our families, in our communities.
Don't be the mean woman who tried to shame us in Walmart. Be a compassionate leader who helps someone through a tough moment and doesn't kick them when they're down.
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Board Member, Science Driven Innovator, Women's Health Equity Champion
1 年Love this-thank you!!
Implementation Scientist, VA Centers of Excellence for Substance Addiction Treatment & Education Core Investigator, VA Health Services Research Center for Care Delivery & Outcomes Research, Minneapolis VA Medical Center
1 年Had a very similar experience on a flight home from a family wedding when my daughter's entire schedule was messed up. The women in front of me called the flight attendant to throw her own temper tantrum to get moved up to first class away from us. Fortunately, the gentleman next to me was so kind, reassuring me that I was doing everything I could and "everyone has been there". That was almost 18 years ago and I still cringe at her behavior and feel thankful for his kindness! How we act in the moment really does make a difference.
Realtor Associate @ Next Trend Realty LLC | HAR REALTOR, IRS Tax Preparer
1 年Love this.