The Self-Coached Leader Using NLP principles and strategies for Personal and Professional Growth (part 1)

What does it mean to be a self coached leader and why is it important?

In a fast paced world with many demands on your time, energy, and inner and outer resources, being able to lead yourself successfully is a crucial skill required for the conscious, compassionate and self aware leader.

Neuro Linguistic programming is the art and science of personal excellence.

Rooted in Psychology, neuroscience and behavioural change methods, it provides an abundance of practical change techniques, a language toolkit for coaching and effective communication, and principles and concepts that can be applied to create a way of thinking, feeling and behaving that leads to success.

?? NLP is essentially about personal excellence.

Understanding yourself and others enables you to bring out the best in yourself and others. A lack of self awareness or emotional intelligence can result in miscommunication, people feeling undervalued or unheard, missing vital clues that gives you information about what motivates someone, what they are skilled at and what their values are. Relationship building and effective communication are what make people feel understood and what make a team thrive.

The language models of NLP teach you how to communicate effectively starting with how you communicate with yourself. The NLP presuppositions are a set of guiding principles that support a mindset and way of being that moves you towards successful outcomes.

Here are a few of them with examples of how they can support you in your self coaching practices every day.

?? Every problem has a solution

Sometimes you or your team might find yourself stuck in the problem frame of thinking 'Why can't I solve this problem' 'It seems impossible to resolve', kind of thinking. You might fall into the trap of blaming others or external events or get caught in over analysing and overthinking. Your brain seeks to answer the questions that you ask which is why asking yourself the 'right' questions is so important. Presupposing that all problems have a solution invites questions that are supportive of finding a solution rather than questions that keep you in the problem. So instead of saying 'Why have I got this problem' or 'Why can't I solve it', ask yourself

' what would I like to have happen? '

' what would be a great outcome'

' what are 3 possible solutions to this problem'? and then choose one and try it on.

' What is my part in supporting a positive outcome and who else can help me with it'

A mindset that assumes there is a solution even if you don't know what it is yet, will seek possibilities and opportunities without you even consciously realising it . How often do you get the answer to something when you are no longer thinking about it? Perhaps you go to sleep and wake up with the answer or you engage in an activity that you enjoy, and then your creativity and problem solving skills ignite!

Assuming there is a solution also invites a sense of curiosity and a willingness to be patient, rather than feeling stressed, overwhelmed and stuck. The mind body energy and physiology of problem solving and creativity will serve you well and increase your motivation, excitement and drive for success.

? There is no failure only feedback

'I haven't failed, I have just found 1000 ways that won't work' - Thomas Eddison

What would happen if you assumed you couldn't fail or you presupposed that others can't fail? Imagine seeing all setbacks, challenges and difficulties as opportunities to learn and grow. Failure is a perception and construct rather than some actual physical thing. It is how we uniquely perceive an event or situation and it's the way we interpret it and attach meaning to it.

The good news is that you have a choice about your perceptions and actions. You have choice in how you view something and how you respond to it. It can be helpful to experience 'failure' through a lens of feedback so you can elicit what worked well and what didn't work well. With this frame of mind, you can repeat what worked and learn from, and change what didn't. It is often the emotional meaning that we attach to failure that causes us to feel discouraged, rather than the event itself.

Some self coaching questions could include :

'what went well, did I get the result I wanted?

' what did I learn from this experience '

'what will I do even better next time'

'what will I not do'

'what will I modify and change'

With these questions you invite a mindset of learning, exploration, interest and growth rather than feeling discouraged and being critical of yourself.

This frame of thinking is also a fantastic tool for using in appraisals and performance reviews as it highlights strengths, motivates and encourages engagement and growth.

? All behaviour has a positive purpose

Sometimes your own or others behaviour might be difficult to understand. You might be stuck in procrastination and not take the action that you want to take. You might be feeling overwhelmed and be less effective in your decision making skills. You might be over reacting to situations and not emotionally regulating as well as you would like to. This also might be true for people in the team that you are leading.

It is important to separate yours and others behaviour from the 'identity' or label that the behaviour might have acquired. They are a 'lazy' team member ' or they are 'disorganised and 'chaotic'. Or they are not a 'team player' as they don't work well with others and join in.

The phrase 'all behaviour has a positive purpose' supports a way of thinking that seeks to understand yourself and others better rather than judging or making assumptions. The 'non team player', might struggle in large groups to feel confident. They might be scared of failure, they might have had negative relationships in their previous role or life, that have left them feeling worried about what others will think.

The 'lazy' person might not understand the task that has been given and they don't ask for help as they see this as a weakness. They might not know what is expected and think that they are doing a good job. The disorganised person might work better in that way, and have a system in place that you don't know about.

This way of thinking enables you to seek to understand yourself and others better. When you understand what is driving the behaviour, you can find a solution to it. If you are procrastinating, perhaps you need a break. Perhaps you need some help breaking down the tasks so they feel achievable.

Human beings are complex and have many reasons for doing things. The self coached leader is able to seek to understand themselves and others better through their curiosity mindset and empathy towards themselves and others.

Questions you can self coach with are :

'I wonder what must be true for myself or that person for them to be behavimg in that way

What is the behaviour I'd like yo see in myself or others

' What is really going on for me or someone else that is preventing the behaviour that I want to see

If this article has ignited your curiosity about your own self coaching skills, self awareness, communication and personal effectiveness then look out for the next in the series next week. If you would like to know more about my training and coaching then see below.

More information ??

If you are a business leader, educator, coach or a leader within an organisation and would like to know more about using NLP for your own growth and to help others then send me an email on [email protected] to find out how I can help with workshops or coaching.

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?Thanks for reading, see you again soon

Sarah ??

Founder of Unlocking Possibilities coaching and training