Self-centeredness in addiction and life...

Fixing this and other 'flaws' is worth the time and effort.

This happened to me several years ago.

" You are the most selfish and self-absorbed person I've ever met". This charge was leveled at me, after many years of sobriety, by a member of my family.

I was stunned. I thought I was such a good guy. I thought I had been doing a good job of working on my ego, the very ego that drove me into the depths of alcoholism.

I had a conversation with my mentor (aka AA sponsor), someone I knew well and trusted. His response: take a look at your attitudes and behaviors; they may be getting in the way of your relationships. And so, I began, anew, a deep dive into those points (character flaws), determined to improve.

If this makes sense to you, let me?suggest you make a list of things you'd like to change (behaviors, character defects, etc.). Work on them one at a time. Choose one, focus on that behavior, and come to understand:

1. how/when/where do I "practice" this behavior

2. what triggers the behavior?

By understanding the when/where/how of practicing that behavior, you can also better understand the triggers. All of which leads to a process of figuring out how to,

• interrupt the triggers
• stop practicing that (unwanted) behavior

If you identify with this posting, be aware that there is no easy fix, no magic switch. We are talking about behaviors that have been practiced for a long time; they are parts of your personality. Changing them takes time but, I can assure you, the effort is worthwhile.

Key definitions:

• Egotistical: excessively conceited or absorbed in oneself
• Self-centered people tend to ignore the needs of others and only do what's best for them.
• A self-absorbed person is overly concerned with his/her own desires, needs, or interests. A self-centered or selfish person is an arrogantly conceited person.