Self-care for Women

Picture This….

You are on an airplane, the plane is rapidly losing altitude and the cabin pressure is slowly decreasing. You are not alone. You are accompanied by you two-year-old daughter. The rescue masks deploy and free fall from the overhead bins. What should you do? Your first instinct as a loving and caring mother is to secure your child’s mask first and then secure yours. If time is of the essence you have successfully endangered both your daughter’s life and yours. Why? The answer is simple and a matter of common sense. Your daughter is able to take long deep breaths while you slowly lose consciousness because your brain is deprived of oxygen. Is your daughter able to help you? No. She does not have the tools to help you because she is only two years old. If, on the other hand, you secure your mask first, you will be able to breathe and secure her mask. She, in turn, will be able to breathe comfortably. You have just succeeded in saving both your life and that of your daughter. This feels good. Doesn’t it. This is but one example of the importance of self-care and the moral of this illustration is the notion that you cannot adequately care for someone else if you do not first care for yourself. Essentially, if you are not physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually cared for, you cannot care for someone else.

As women we wear many hats—wife, partner, mother, employee, business person etc. Each role more demanding than the next. We often find ourselves pulled in multiple directions and being forced to make difficult choices. These choices dictate how we will spend our time and differ based on our value system. Do we relegate most of our time to earning a living wage for our families or do we spend our time assuring that we provide for the non-monetary needs of our families. We make those decisions several times during the typical day and by the end of the day, there is no time for us to focus on self-care. Moreover, many of us neglect self-care altogether. In this mini-manual, we will focus on the necessity for women to place emphasis on self-care.

 Why do women neglect to care for self?

This is an interesting question and it is one that can be answered from a psychological perspective, a practical one or from one that is based on the societal norm. Let’s examine this question from a practical standpoint. In so doing, we can clearly see that, by nature, women are care givers. We generally care for our families and tend to the mundane tasks of the family. These tasks include [but are not limited to] cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children and in today’s society holding down a full-time job. Women are expected to work for forty hours a week and to take care of all of the other responsibilities. This is the norm rather than the exception. When one considers the enormity of the tasks women have to complete and the fact that most of us do it seamlessly and often at the neglect of self, the notion of self-care seem absurd. When will I have the time to do that? Many women will mutter. Some even enquire as to what self-care is. Well, one thing that we must remember [especially as women] is that we have to be able to care for ourselves first if we are obligated to care for others. If we do not care for ourselves we will experience physical, psychological, social and emotional difficulties. These difficulties will render us useless to our loved ones. This is one reason why women should not neglect self-care.

Many experts have weighed in on the subject and there seems to be a consensus on why women neglect to care for themselves. These experts indicate that self-care involves making healthy changes to one’s lives. These changes include adapting pro-active methods of dealing with stress, conflict and other elements in their lives. When one thinks of making changes one cannot help but think about how difficult it is. Change comes with a great deal of discomfort and a constant yearning for the familiar. Moreover, change often has a negative connotation even when one attempts to make positive changes. In social circles, the individual who is changing is seen by his/her friends as departing from the familiar and is often kept at a distance. This is true unless all of the members of the group are making the same positive changes.

Examining the lack of focus on self-care from a societal standpoint and taking into consideration the meaning of self-care, we can clearly see that there is the presence of the word self. In today’s society the presence of the word self has been given a negative connotation as in selfish, self-centered and self-indulgent. Rarely do we see the words selfless and self-deprecating being used. If, as women, we mention the need to care for ourselves first and then care for everyone else, we are looked upon as being selfish and self-indulgent. We are made to feel guilty because there is a focus on self.  Well to bring this full circle, no one mentioned when self-care takes place and how much time we need to dedicate to self-care. I will not divulge the secrets to self-care here but what I will say is that the process of self-care is a continual process that begins now and should continue until we take our last living breath.

 Why is self-care so vital for women?

Self-care is perhaps the most necessary but often ignored aspects of our lives as women. The concept of self-care is often misconstrued. Before we go any further, let me clearly define self-care. It goes deeper than the surface definition of the word and can be seen as more than care for self. Self-care is any behavior or course of action that prevents us from experiencing physical, emotional or psychological health crises. These crises include [but are not limited to] stress-related problems such as high blood pressure and heart problems, excessive weight loss or gain, anxiety or depression and a whole host of other disorders/diseases.

Your Action Plan

Now that I have illustrated the necessity of self-care, let’s now put a plan of action into place. When putting an action plan into place we need to be aware of the fact that an action plan is individualistic in nature. Essentially, your action plan is a plan that works for you and is adapted to your likes, needs, desires and preferences. In putting an action plan together, you have to remember that what works for the next person will not necessarily work for you. With that being said, mental health professionals recommend that the average person dedicate at least twenty minutes per day to self-care.  That means that we should spend at least twenty minutes during the day doing something for ourselves and no one else. Are you at a lost for ideas? Don’t worry I am going to lead you in the right direction with some tips and tricks. Prepare yourself for a new and pleasurable experience. Try some of the tips and tricks and use the notes section of this booklet to make suggestions of your own that can be shared at our next session.

1.  Get outside

Ditching the comfort of your home is a great way to improve mental and physical health. Similar to meditation, spending time outdoors can be beneficial for brain health. Take time to enjoy and commune with nature and see what a difference it can make. Try taking a walk through the park or public gardens. For Staten Islanders, a walk through Snug Harbor Cultural Center grounds is most refreshing or perhaps a walk through Clove Lake or Silver Lake park will do the trick..

2.  Add some spice to your workout by taking it outdoors

Consider adding a scenic flair to your workout. Research shows that working out in the Great Outdoors can be beneficial to your mental health and well-being as well as serving to reduce stress and tension while preventing depression and anxiety.

3.  Using the concept of paying it forward

More and more we are hearing about paying it forward. Simply put, paying it forward means helping others without expecting anything in return. In other words, selflessly giving of yourself by performing a random act of kindness. Research indicates that individuals who selflessly help others are benefiting more than the individuals they help because of the mental health benefits the act offers. Helping others has been associated with increases in self-confidence and esteem as well as general health and well-being. Moreover, individuals who engage in the act of selfless giving tend to live longer and more fulfilling lives. 

4.  Try Aroma Therapy

We know that various breathing techniques serve to help us relax but what we breathe might be as important as the techniques. Research suggests that citrus cents serve as stress and anxiety reducers. Incorporate orange or lemon essential oils in your self-care if you feel stressed or perhaps try some rosemary oil if you have been slightly forgetful. Rosemary oil has been credited with the power to be a memory booster.

5.    Remove yourself from stressful situations when possible

By now, we all know that stress is really bad for our health. But what we may not know is that stress tends to be contagious. Stress has been proven to be detrimental to our heart health. As women, we are always under a great deal of stress that originates from the fact that we wear so many hats and we are expected to be superwomen. We face stress from work, relationships, family, and whatever else life throws our way. It is essential for us to find one or more stress reduction strategies and stick to them. These strategies range from drinking tea to practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation. This requires some work and effort on your part. You have to search for stress-reduction strategies that work for you. Make a game of it.

6.   Focus on your present self

Being self-aware is perhaps one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. Taking the time to be aware of how we feel without judging ourselves can be liberating. This is what I refer to as taking inventory. I practice this frequently. It is done by examining where we are in terms of our goals, dreams and aspirations. I look at the things I would like to achieve in both my personal and professional life and take at least one step towards achieving my goals each day. An example of this can be seen in the fact that I intend to open my own charter school in the next three years. This quest begins with first opening a pre-school. My school will be not-for-profit and tuition free to all the students. Each day I take small steps towards achieving that goal. Each day I locate a possible source of funding and I initiate contact with that source. By so doing, I am focusing on a professional goal one step at a time. Research indicates that focusing on our present self without making judgments serves to minimize stress and prevent depression. Moreover, this focus on present self helps us to see ourselves in a truer light and it keeps the focus on ourselves rather than having our minds wander on

7.   Be happy!

We all strive for happiness and know that it feels real good to be happy but do we also know that it is good for our health? Research suggest the genuine happiness can prevent diseases. But being happy is easier said than done, right? Turns out there’s actually a simple way to feel more upbeat: Just put a smile on your face and enjoy your day!!!

8.   Meditate

Meditation is proof that it doesn’t take a ton of time to do a mind and body good. Just a few minutes of quieting your mind can be a great stress reliever.    Research indicates that meditation benefits one’s emotional stability and can serve to stave away disease.

9.   Dance around

Moving and shaking your booty just doesn’t benefit your physique. It may also improve both mood and body image. It can lead to a better outlook on life and can result in a lower risk for dementia. 

10.  Turn up the tunes and rock out to whatever makes you happy

If you’ve ever noticed that certain songs bring a smile to your face, you’re not alone. As it turns out, science has taken note, too. Research shows that listening to music makes already positive emotions even more intense, and upbeat music in particular can do great things for your mood. Plus, jamming out can also improve heart health.