The Self-Care Trap: Why Women Often Confuse Nurturing Others with Taking Care of Themselves

The confusion between nurturing others and taking care of oneself is a common theme among women, often rooted in societal expectations and internalized beliefs.

Possible causes of this confusion include:

1. Societal Conditioning

Women are often socialized to be caregivers from a young age. This conditioning emphasizes that their value lies in how well they can care for others—whether it’s family, friends, or colleagues. Over time, this external focus can become so ingrained that women may struggle to recognize or prioritize their own needs. Societal messages often lead women to internalize the belief that their role is to nurture others. This often results in women equating self-worth with self-sacrifice. While nurturing can be fulfilling, it becomes problematic when it overshadows a woman’s own needs, ambitions, and self-care.

2. The Misconception of Selflessness

Many women grow up with the belief that being selfless is a virtue. This belief can make it difficult for women to distinguish between nurturing others and nurturing themselves. The unwritten rules often teach women to put others first, which can lead to burnout and resentment when their own needs are consistently neglected.

3. Fear of Being Perceived as Selfish

Another factor is the fear of being perceived as selfish. Women often worry about the judgments they might face if they prioritize their own needs. This fear can drive women to overextend themselves in nurturing others, believing that this is the only way to be seen as good, kind, and caring.

4. Lack of Role Models

The lack of visible role models who balance self-care with nurturing others also contributes to this confusion. Women often see examples of other women who are praised for their selflessness but seldom for taking care of their own needs. This reinforces the idea that nurturing oneself is less important or even wrong.

5. The Reframe: Nurturing Self as a Foundation

There is a huge need for a reframe: understanding that nurturing oneself is not only essential but also enhances one’s ability to nurture others. When women take care of their own needs—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—they are more resilient, energized, and capable of truly supporting others.

In my Coaching sessions, I encourage women to connect with their inner mentor, a version of themselves that can guide them toward a life where their own needs are honored. This helps women break free from the false dichotomy between nurturing others and taking care of themselves, realizing that both can coexist harmoniously.