Self-Care During Transphobia in Professional Settings

Let's face it, uncomfortability with transgender and gender diverse individuals is really visible right now. Some people feel empowered to discriminate more openly and that is beginning to show in professional settings more and more. According to the National Center for Transgender Equality more than 75% of transgender individuals have experienced workplace discrimination- as a transgender woman, I can relate.

Micro-aggressions have become more recognizable as people become more educated about what they look like. For example, recently I have wanted to connect with individuals on rebranding so that I can be positioned to take on consultancy roles for transgender-diversity education in professional and carceral settings- something I have lots of experience navigating. I had lots of kind people hit me up to help and I began with the ones that I have limited information about so that I use that as a way to develop professional relationships- I will not purchase services from someone I have not shared an emotional connection with (a little hint about how to market to me- you'll have to do it yourself and be prepared to tell me about yourself). I setup a chat with someone that was rather difficult to establish a time that was going to work with a busy life and as soon as the person set eyes on me they immediately turned their camera off and were no longer interested in helping. Micro-aggression? Transphobia? Likely.

This happens, it isn't the first time and it certainly won't be the last. The amount of money I have means nothing to someone who can't see past my gender and frankly, I wouldn't want to spend money (any amount) with someone who even remotely hints at being phobic. This kind of thing is going to happen as long as it is socially okay. Having said that and (hopefully) successfully dodged the politics behind transgender existence I must turn towards how do we support others, and ourselves, who experience this?

First, be affirming with the emotional side of this. Just because we are in a professional setting does not mean we cannot experience emotions, just the opposite. Let the person know, or yourself, know that the feelings are valid and it's okay to experience them. Hold space for that.

Second, be willing to stand in solidarity in a way that is meaningful for them. If that means they would prefer business not be done with the person or organization that person represents- seriously consider that. If your friend gets abused are you going to befriend the abuser when they feel like they should be allowed to be abusive? Think about it. If it's for yourself, know that you deserve better and that there are services out there that will likely fill your need who are very affirming, ask around.

Third, take space for yourself to decompress. Get a manicure, get your beard conditioned, have a cocktail, take a walk...do something to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor thus far. Get your energy back and get back at it.

Fourth, and this is for allies, just because a transgender person isn't in the room is no excuse to tolerate phobia. In fact, that is when you can make the biggest difference. When you hear phobia, call it out. That means a lot to the community that allies are not tolerating hatred period, not just when they are being observed- in fact, that is one of the tenants of true ally-ship.

Feel free to share or DM me for follow-up questions or to create a genuine connection.

Oh, and one last thing...If you are a professional and have contributed to transphobia and I have experienced it- I will not be silent. Unlike others who have been abused I can stand up for myself. You have certainly cost yourself money, facts.

-ruth