Self-betrayal....is it holding you back?

Self-betrayal...

"Self-betrayal is such a common coping mechanism in people. The simplest definition of self-betrayal is when you do something you know to be wrong in order to protect yourself or someone else from being harmed." Kate Strong

"If every person was born with a seed planted deeply in their heart, how many people would tend to that seed, nurture it, and let it bloom? What if the seed began growing into a palm tree but the person saw that everyone else was developing pine trees? Would they hide the palm tree to fit in? Would they go so far as to kill it?

That’s what self-betrayal is all about. In its worst form, it’s a kind of suicide. People generally fear the disapproval of others—society, family, a first crush, bullies, or just plain fear of being different and alone, so they squash their heart’s seed (aka, one’s first instinct, dream, intuition, God’s whisper, soul).

But the seed is not so easy to silence, so multiple forms of escapisms often take hold in order to squelch it—working harder to acquire money and possessions, sex, love, food, alcohol, drugs, constant relocating and starting over, and/or isolating." - Kimberley Key

"Betraying yourself may seem like a small price to pay for the benefit of fitting in with the crowd, but here are some of the hidden high costs of living like this:

You lose touch with your own intuition, your inner voice, and your moral compass.

You become chronically indecisive.

You lose your sense of self-respect and self-confidence.

You develop a tendency towards dishonesty and inauthenticity.

You sabotage your own success because of a deep-seated belief that you’re undeserving.

You become resentful.

You allow others to determine the trajectory of your life." - Cylon George

"If you exist in a space where it is not safe to express your emotional needs, then you will not make room for them. Over time, this can create a deeply ingrained pattern of self-betrayal that is intricately linked to your sense of being ok in this world.

If this resonates with you and you are aware of a pattern of self-betrayal, there are small shifts you can make to combat these patterns.

Advocate for yourself

Instead of putting everyone’s needs before your own, thus fostering resentment, learn what your needs are and how to get those needs met effectively.

Take responsibility for you and ONLY you

Notice those relationships in which you feel like you have to perform. What are you taking ownership of that is not yours? What are you not owning that is yours?

Practice setting boundaries

For many caught up in a pattern of self-betrayal, identifying and asserting boundaries can be challenging. Practice setting boundaries and seek support around processing the anxiety and guilt it might cause you.

Make and keep daily promises to yourself

This can help with rebuilding a sense of trust in yourself. It can be something as simple as waking up at a certain time, actually taking your lunch break, or drinking enough water. Whatever it is, practice setting daily intentions and actually sticking to what you say you will do." - Megan Johnson

"Stay healthy!" - Shaun Waso