Self Awareness And The Right To Not Show Up

I've been AWOL for most the last month on LinkedIn/socials, etc.

I just stopped showing up.

The 'gram'/the feeds will have you believe that everyone in tech has their sh*t together 24/7, all is glamorous, and nothing knocks them off course, but if we are keeping it real that's some BS.

Sometimes you need to acknowledge that life and career in tech is like a rollercoaster, and anyone who can keep up the shine all year long probably ain't being truthful. Life will be lifein' sometimes.

However, it's amazing how a quick conversation can give you renewed points to reflect on and refocus.

With the goings on behind the scenes I actually managed to go to my first in-person social networking event this month on Friday (non tech/non business related) to celebrate the 18th anniversary of a social meetup group I joined 8 years ago now. I used to go religiously every month without fail, but life got in the way and since before the pandemic I've been lacking in attendance (once or twice a year if that... my bad). If I'm honest Friday was a struggle to even pluck up the energy to go, but registering for something and being a woman of integrity will make me dig deep, I like to keep my word.

Got to catch up with some old faces, and met a lot of new genuinely nice people too. One of the long time members of the group mentioned they had been following my life, business and tech career content on LinkedIn and commented on how great it was at how vulnerable I am when sharing things.

I had to laugh.

I mean most of what I write tends to be from the heart in the moment and usually written and posted before I've had time to think through what I sharing and acknowledge the consequences of posting (I like to live on the edge lol), but if we're keeping things real real a lot of the trials and tribulations in life and in tech are still held in a lot. "So vulnerable" she said... I had to check myself.

Am I keeping it real real and being vulnerable like how I advocate and encourage others should be?

Would it help more people if I shared some of the deeper stuff that goes on beneath the usual stuff I share?

I figured if it helps even one person navigate their life and career in tech and get them to realise that a career in tech is great and worth the investment in time and effort, but lord the rollercoaster that comes with it is not for the fainthearted and those who don't do well with constant change and needing perseverance need not apply (I'm being a bit dramatic there as resilence to constant change and perseverance can be developed over time if you have the patience)... I guess it's worth the risk of sharing right?

I also just realised it was Stress Awareness month during April and lord knows I was aware of the stresses, but this time was able to take some action and can share what worked for me.

So here goes:

My silence this last month has been purely because at the beginning of April I reflected on the first quarter of 2024 and come to the conclusion that for the most part its been sh*t. I've had to navigate 3 bereavements in my family in the last 4 months (one being murdered by an a*seh*le who couldn't manage their emotions), abandonment, health issues, mortgage hike (I know a lot of people out there are suffering with this), imposter syndrome (yes after years in tech I still suffer with this from time to time), transitioning out of a beloved role I didn't really want to give up, upskilling, skills refreshing because I refuse to settle and give up, and quite frankly re-assessing what my passion and purpose is.

It's been an emotional rollercoaster of a ride during April, but taking time to reflect again after that conversation at the end of this month has made me realise I'm actually thankful for some of the lessons during the last 4 months.

Here's a few of these lessons to help you if you've been suffering in silence.

1) You need to be aware that a lot of things in life and tech career are out of your control and no matter how much you try, you can't convince somebody when they are determined to up hold a lie/negative opinion about you based on incorrect assumptions and jumping to conclusions. The only thing that is in your control is how you respond to that and how you manage your emotions around it. Working on your personal brand and setting a true authentic narrative is a worthwhile investment, but believing in yourself (despite the naysayers) and knowing your true self, your character and remembering your integrity is super important to get you through.

2) A career in tech will send you to an early grave if you do not move around and get some exercise. Nobody is going to give you a medal for the number of long hours and late nights you do at your laptop and desk, but your body will reward you with sickness when you least expect it. That report, that code and/or that last look at a defect you've been trying to work on for hours can wait. Make time for exercise, health and wellbeing as a priority, or make time for sickness. I know which one I'm choosing going forward because being sick a lot is cr*p.

Also build in self care breaks and that includes a social media break for a few days, weeks or months if you need it. Nobody is sending out the search party anyhow, and you can't give yourself, knowledge and wisdom from an empty cup, so take time for yourself.

3) Assess and reassess your career goals at regular intervals and make sure the role you are currently in is serving you, both for enjoyment/job satisfaction and also challenging you to learn and growth. If it's not, speak up about it (hopefully you have a manager who cares enough about employee satisfaction and career development). Remember your "why" and remind yourself of the position outcomes you achieve when the going gets tough.

Also make sure you create and maintain a 'bragging' list that you can whip out when someone comes with some rubbish about you haven't achieved much in the last year... This is pretty helpful for finding evidence quickly for performance review season, but also if you are feeling down on yourself and questioning your own abilities you can look back and see all the amazing things you have actually achieved in the last year.

4) Build a support system around you of trusted people you can confide in about life and tech career issues, people who are patient and caring (but will tell you about yourself when you're out of line), and people who won't use what you tell them against you and throw it in your face in years to come. There are some bad minded people out there (I like to call them 'the frienemies'), but there are also a lot of decent souls left in the world. Choose wisely!

5) Work on your communication skills (especially speaking and active listening). Tech skills and knowledge are important (depending on the role in tech), but good communication skills will get you a lot further in career, and life. Listen more than you speak, but don't be afraid to communicate your boundaries in life and in your career in tech because you may end up in "wars" with fools with no emotional intelligence or emotional availability, and it can be exhausting.

6) Make time for continuous development, whether that's learning a new skill because you want a career change into tech or career progression in your existing tech career, or refreshing existing skills and knowledge to help you feel less of an imposter when imposter syndrome hits hard in your current role. Even 30 minutes at the start or end of your a day can be enough to reignite more confidence in yourself and your skills. Ideally working on a personal project will keep your interest and motivation going for longer and give you something tangible to show for your time.

7) Write that sh*t down... If you value your well being and want to keep your sanity you need to get things out of your head and on to paper. Invest in a decent journal/notebook and start writing about what's happening in your life and career each day, especially the challenging stuff and also your achievements. If you struggle with this sort of thing then at least write down 3 things you are grateful for in life and in career in tech at the end of each day. Even throughout a crap day there will be something to be grateful for if you give yourself a bit of space to think about it.

8) Remember you are fantastic... That's it :-)

I'm going into second quarter of 2024, still licking my wounds big time, but with renewed focus and a fresher outlook.

Hope this helps someone who needed to hear/read this today.

P.S. Apologies to those who have been trying to contact me, I was resetting myself.