Self-awareness

Do you really know the impact you are having on the people around you?

We all need self-awareness, but it’s particularly critical for leadership. How can you be an effective leader if you don’t know how your actions are impacting others?

If you know yourself well, then you know the impacts you have on the people around you. If you do not know yourself well, then you will not be able to build relationships, you will not be able to collaborate as well as you'd like to, you won't be able to build trust. Nor will you be able to deal with change effectively. Self-awareness is the key: know yourself, know how you react, know where your blind spots are, know what you don't like doing, know what you like doing and know how you can make adjustments in the places where you want to change.

I often see leaders who don’t understand the reactions of those around them. They can’t comprehend the lack of commitment on the part of their employees. They don’t understand the impact they are having on their teams. They don’t understand why colleagues don’t initiate contact with them, or willingly collaborate on a project. These are scenarios where feedback is vital.

So how do you solicit feedback?

Formally, you can get it through 360 assessments, where peers, superiors and direct reports anonymously provide feedback on all aspects of your behavior. I personally have mixed feeling about this as it can turn into a popularity contest. You have to pick people you trust to give you real and constructive feedback. You will likely find better results relying on 2-3 people who know you well, have worked alongside and you have a trusted relationship. People who will be honest with you and are not afraid to let the emperor know he has no clothes. However, you have to be open to the feedback, thank them for the feedback and don’t try to justify your behavior. If you push back on feedback, without taking time to internalize it, you will likely find yourself with one less person who is willing to continue to give you feedback. That in itself is a form of feedback.

Informally, you can make time once a day to reflect on the day's events, how did people react to you, how fluidly were you able to work with or manage others. This takes skill to be honest with yourself and to do this effectively on your own requires a high degree of emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence, or EQ as it's often called, is defined as awareness of your own and others' emotions, and how they are impacted by situations. Some people are simply born with a high EQ but with diligent introspection it can be cultivated to a degree in everyone.

If you fall into the latter category, another more practical method that fits somewhere in between the formality of a 360 and the informality of quiet daily reflection is to get in the habit of doing regular post-mortems on every project in which you are involved. To do this effectively, you must learn to do two things: ask good questions, and listen without justifying or defending your actions. Remember this is again a form of feedback and you want to keep these channels open.