Self-Awareness and Fulfillment

How self-aware are you? If you’re anything like 95% of the population, you are probably pretty confident that you’re self-aware. Unfortunately, only about 10 to 15% of the population is actually right. After all, how many people do you think believe they’re good drivers? Have you been on the roads recently? How many drivers do you think have good awareness about their driving skills?

There are two types of self-awareness: internal and external. Both are critical to our success but they are different. And even if we have one, it doesn’t necessarily mean we have the other.

Internal Self-Awareness

Internal awareness has to do with seeing ourselves clearly. What are our personal values, passions, aspirations, motivators, fears? When we have internal self-awareness, we can make decisions more consistent with who we are. It allows us to be more confident with ourselves and our choices.

When we lack internal self-awareness, we may struggle to make decisions that align with our values and aspirations. This can lead to feeling lost, confused, and unfulfilled. It can also lead us to make choices that are not in our best interest. For example, imagine taking a job that pays well but doesn’t align with your interests or passions. Or staying at a job that doesn’t align with your values or is toxic because you’ve allowed someone else (a boss, an organization, your family, society) to define what success should look like for you.

In contrast, when we’ve developed our self-awareness, we are more likely to make decisions that align with our values and goals. We can also recognize when something is no longer working for us and we may be more willing to make a change to find more fulfillment. We are also more confident in our choices because they are grounded in a deeper understanding of ourselves.

External Self-Awareness

External self-awareness is more about how others perceive us. How do our behaviors, actions, and words impact people around us? It involves being attuned to other people’s emotions, reactions, and feedback. And once we have that, we can adjust our behavior or communication style to better connect with them.

When we lack self-awareness, we may not understand why people react to us in a certain way. We may come across as insensitive, rude, weak, or disengaged without even realizing it. We can miss social cues or struggle to understand someone else’s perspective. Not only can this make it more challenging to build stronger relationships but it can hinder our personal and professional growth.

When we develop our external self-awareness, we’re able to better empathize, communicate effectively, and build relationships that are based on mutual trust and respect. We can also become more effective leaders and collaborators because we’re better equipped to inspire and motivate others.

What if I Don’t Have it?

The good news is that even if we don’t innately have good self-awareness, this is something that can be developed. It requires a willingness to take an honest look at ourselves and to receive constructive feedback.

A couple of things you can do to get started: (1) Ask a trusted friend or colleague for their honest opinions about your strengths and weaknesses. Listen to understand, rather than to respond. Don’t go down the road of explaining or justifying. Simply listen and take in the feedback. (2) Reflect on experiences that have shaped you. Journaling may help here. For example, if you are someone that is direct in your communication, take some time to reflect about what in your past experiences may have required you to develop this style of communication.

I’ve also personally benefited (and drawn inspiration) from a couple of books on the subject: Leadership and Self-Deception by the The Arbinger Institute and Insight by Tasha Eurich . I highly recommend both works, if you have interest in further developing your own self-awareness.

Remember, self-awareness is not a one-time event. It’s an ongoing process that requires continuous introspection and effort. It’s not always easy or comfortable to practice but the benefits are worth it.