Self Acceptance in the Workplace: How to Navigate Microaggressions by Living Your True Identity

Denise, a top performer in the Marketing department of her Fortune 500 company, is every Manager’s dream.? She is the first person to arrive at work and the last one to leave. She puts her all into her work and is always ready to assist her peers whenever possible.? Considered the team subject matter expert (SME), her peers see her as the go-to person when they have work-related questions. Despite this, there are days when she experiences microaggressions that make her question how she is “seen” at work.? There is at least one White female co-worker who includes the word ‘Girl’ or ‘Sista’ when she speaks to her. Denise cringes when this happens and wants to address it, but isn’t sure how – without it seeming like she is the problem. Another White co-worker has told her, “You did a great job on that presentation. You’re not like other Black people.”

What are Microaggressions?

The Lean In organization’s State of Black Women in Corporate America report (2022) describes microaggressions as “…comments and actions that subtly demean or dismiss someone based on their gender, race, or other aspects of their identity”.? Such behavior belittles and undermines the value of the person on the receiving end.

According to Bianca Barrett, Senior Contributor to Forbes.com (2020), despite your race, it’s a challenge to be a woman in the workplace due to a number of disparities - such as unequal pay, sexual harassment incidents and inequities in promotions. Though many women experience microaggressions at some point in their careers, it can be even tougher for Black women. “Not only are they subjected to gender-driven microaggressions, they’re also being subjected to racial ones from - and here’s the crucial part - both men and women,” notes Barrett.?

For this reason, Denise’s situation is experienced by Black women at high rates in the corporate workforce. Statistics show that 64% of all women in the workplace will experience microaggressions.? Of those, 42% of Black women are often required to provide more evidence of their competence than others. Additionally, 40% of Black women have their judgment questioned in their area of expertise. Microaggressions are a form of racial discrimination that indicate disrespect and inequality.? When these incidents occur on a regular basis, they can take a mental and emotional toll on the women who experience them.?

Multiple Identities of Black Women

As a result, Black women are left feeling that they have to operate under two separate identities:? 1) our true, authentic, multidimensional self; and 2) the individual who wants to be accepted in a predominantly White place of employment. Many Black women are so preoccupied with not being perceived negatively, that they hide their true selves at work.? Tamara E. Homes of Essence.com asserts that, “More than 70 percent of the 650 African-American women we surveyed fear being labeled an Angry Black Woman by their coworkers…” (2020).

More than anything, switching between these identities does not do Black women any justice. It takes a lot of effort, which can be draining and does not serve ourselves or anyone else well.? Kym Harris, President of Your SweetSpot Coaching and Consulting in Atlanta states, “When you hide your true self behind a mask at work, it’s like walking around with your hands tied” (Essence , 2020).? She continues, “When you use so much energy being something you’re not, you don’t have enough left to be the best you can be” (2020).

What does it mean to have Self Acceptance as a Black woman?

When you think of self-acceptance, you may consider it to be the same as loving yourself.? You may also think of it as the ability to see yourself in a positive light. Some might even associate it with strength, power and boldness. However, having self-acceptance as a Black woman is more than that.? It’s actually your ability to truly see yourself as who you are – the good, the bad (and maybe even the ugly) – and fully embrace it…ALL of it.

It's easy to point to the qualities about ourselves that we like or that we are proud to share. On the other hand, it’s harder to embrace the things about us that do not make us feel proud.? Therapy for Black Girls.com writers – Jasmine Belvin, Licensed mental health counselor and Licensed professional counselor; Dr. Stacia’ Alexander, Licensed professional counselor; and Erica Talbert, Licensed marriage and family therapist – help underscore the significance of appreciating the good and the not-so-good in each of us (n.d.). “Self-acceptance is the essence of living your truth. When you begin to accept yourself, you begin to stand firm in who you are regardless of your flaws, past or mistakes,” note the authors.? They add, “Self-acceptance allows you to permit yourself to release the doubts, fears, and shame that have kept you small and empower yourself to live your truth.”

Realize that your career is important – but there’s more to you than that. Therapy for Black Girls.com (n.d.) offers some tips on how Black women can practice living their truth daily by applying P.R.E.S.S.U.R.E:

1. ? ? ? Practice self-kindness and self-compassion

2. ? ? ? Release beliefs and patterns that no longer serve you

3. ? ? ? Embrace your uniqueness

4. ? ? ? Speak your truth

5. ? ? ? Surround yourself with people that love and support you

6. ? ? ? Unapologetically be you

7. ? ? ? Remind yourself daily of the great qualities you possess

8. ? ? ? Envision your future self and start showing up as her

You no longer have to give in to fear and doubt taking away your right to fully show up as who you truly are. You owe it to yourself to enjoy the peace you honestly deserve. In the words of Belvin, Alexander & Talbert (n.d.), “Live your truth.”

The Gift of Survival and Resilience?

In an effort to preserve their peace of mind, Black women feel that they have to put on an armor of resilience and show up as someone other than themselves. They often feel that they cannot voice their true concerns to their leadership, or through a grievance process, without being labeled as a troublemaker or someone who is playing “the race card”.? Black women maintain their sanity by constantly negating the impact of microaggressions and reminding themselves that they worked hard to get to where they are professionally and deserve to be there.

How to Live Your True Identity, Choose what’s right for you?

Resilience, however, does not fully address the impact of discrimination in the workplace. Black women cannot navigate the mental health impacts of these experiences alone. Studies show that repeated incidents of microaggression and other forms of racial discrimination in the workplace can lead to serious mental health issues, such as racial trauma. CNBC (2021) quotes Wizdom Powell, director of the University of Connecticut’s Health Disparities Institute, who describes racial trauma as “…any kind of mental or emotional injury that can be caused by encounters with racial bias, ethnic discrimination, racism…”?

Medical News Today (2020) asserts that one study indicates that Black women that have jobs with senior leadership responsibilities may suffer trauma due to microaggressions.? The research includes

‘invisibility’ – a common experience where colleagues would refuse to acknowledge them. Alex Klein, PsyD , affirms that hidden trauma presents itself in the form of “devaluing sense of self” and “internalized voicelessness”, among other signs of trauma that “…could lead to “physiological, psychological and emotional damage” (2020).

When microaggressions are experienced consistently, the impact to mental health can be detrimental. There are favorable ways to deal with the situation, but thoughtful reflection and discernment should be given first. Harvard Business Review (Washington et al., 2020) suggests three options for handling racial microaggressions:

1. LET IT GO: For a long time, the most common default response was choosing not to address offensive comments in the workplace. Because they are pervasive yet subtle, they can be emotionally draining to confront. Yet silence places an emotional toll on Black employees, who are left wondering what happened and why, questioning their right to feel offended, and reinforcing beliefs that they are not safe from identity devaluation at work.
2. RESPOND IMMEDIATELY: This approach allows the transgression to be called out and its impact explained while the details of the incident are fresh in the minds of everyone involved. Immediacy is an important component of correcting bad behavior. But this approach can be risky. The perpetrator might get defensive, leaving the target feeling like they somehow “lost control,” did not show up as their best self, and will be labeled an overly sensitive whiner, a trouble-maker, or the stereotypical angry Black person.
3. RESPOND LATER: A more tempered response is to address the perpetrator privately at a later point to explain why the microaggression was offensive. Here, the risk lies in the time lag. A follow-up conversation requires helping the person who committed the microaggression to first recall it and then to appreciate its impact. The Black employee bringing it up might be deemed petty — like someone who has been harboring resentment or holding on to “little things” while the other party, having “meant no harm,” has moved on. Such accusations are a form of racial gaslighting, which can be very damaging.

Experiencing consistent exposure to racism in the workplace can show up in a number of negative ways – both mentally and physically. According to the American Psychological Association, racism is linked to numerous mental health impacts, such as depression and anxiety.

Are you seeking assistance in dealing with microaggressions? Are you struggling with identity, self-acceptance and presenting a perfect picture?? Schedule a consultation today.