Self-Acceptance: The Final Journey to Authentic Leadership

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do.”

-Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

?I remember a scene from Disney’s Touchstone Pictures’ The Alamo’ when William Barret ‘Buck’ Travis: the young leader of that heroic yet doomed command, had just delivered his ‘line in the sand’ speech. Jim Bowie: his older and sometimes-judgmental co-commander, ailing from typhoid malaria, responds from his bed in the crumbling chapel of the fort. “Buck, with such good words you might just become a great man someday.’ Travis responds, knowing his?fate, and that of the entire garrison: “I think I will have to be satisfied with who I am today.” Some of us ‘get it’ and some of us take a long, circuitous path to understanding who we really are- accepting the person we find. My path was the latter, and at 74, it’s about time! See, it’s not about ‘getting it.’ No, it’s about getting ‘us:’-you and me: our unique selves, totally devoid of ego- even the ‘humble brag.’ The ingenuous Japanese have developed an art dedicated to imperfection: Kintsugi. The practice involves putting broken pieces back together using a glue-like tree sap and then decorating the cracks with gold. The result is a piece of art that highlights the breaks instead of hiding them. Kintsugi represents the idea that beauty can be found in imperfection. It can be a metaphor for healing ourselves and embracing who we are- warts and all.?

The Big Fear

Recently, in a therapy session, discussing a big change in my life, my therapist asked:?“What's holding you back? I thought for a minute. “I’m scared.” What are you scared of?” “I don’t know. It’s a big fear, but I can't name it.”?So, my therapist said: “I want you to think about the different things in your life that scared you, list each of them." How you felt for each fear, what you did and what happened." So, I did that. When I finished, I had come up with 17 different incidents in my life that scared me from my first day in a very tough prep school at 15 years old to my first days with Disney, to fear of flying in planes to fear of heights in fire department rookie school to losing a prestigious job because of my weak ego to making presentations to hundreds of C-suite executives for Disney and many personal challenges in between. In each case I remember saying to myself amid “foxhole prayers”: “God help me. What am I going to do now?!” Then I remembered what I did. Things worked out. But it still did not answer the initial question, and it was not fear of professional failure. No, this was much more primeval, from deep within my gut. Then, after much reflection, I think I figured it out: abandonment. That’s right. After doing the gut-wrenching inner child work, I came to the answer. As loving and supportive as my mother was, I took on her own fears: her abandonment. The answer, the solution? Me.’ That’s right. My adult self is healing that abandoned inner child. Hey, before you accuse me of using this forum to ‘air my personal journey,’ read on for a minute. Most of us have “something.”

You might ask: “What does this have to do with leadership? Only, everything!??

“Mysteries of the Mind”

In my self-help junkie leadership journey over many years, I became an avid, loyal listener of Jim Rohn: the best guide I have ever seen or heard to this day. He was Tony Robbins’ guru so that should give you an idea...if you give credence to Tony… When Jim couldn’t figure something out, he would just say: “mysteries of the mind.” But I think I understand that ‘mystery.’ I think it has to do with that low self-esteem that may have come from a kind of abandonment. I have seen so many people in leadership positions-really accomplished people, but then they feel compelled to let us know their accomplishments-one way or the other, or if it’s something new, they aren’t interested unless it’s their idea. You can pin it in a nanosecond. I am no psychologist, but I have been around long enough to recognize it when I see it. Hey! I get it, especially when women and minority folks have had one hell of a time to get to the position they occupy. But the truly great leaders accept who they are which gives them the serenity just to be who they are-no more and no less. The answer is self-acceptance. Easy to say and damn hard to do. As a matter of fact, I think it is the most difficult, but with the greatest reward: peace of mind. You will intuitively know how to handle things that used to baffle you. Walt Disney said: “Courage is leadership at its highest level.” ?Taking the path to self-acceptance takes courage. If you are brave enough to go on that difficult journey, let me know. I know a great therapist!?

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