Select meanings that empower you

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Last year, I worked with an awesome person, who I’ll call Justine.

Justine came to me because she’d struggled with confidence issues for as long as she could remember and she was sick of it holding her back.

She told me this manifested in lots of different ways with her work.?

She was afraid of looking stupid, so she didn’t put herself forward. She questioned her own ability, so she procrastinated on big projects. She was quiet about her contribution, so others often took the credit for her work. And she’d been stuck doing the same job for years because she was afraid she wouldn't be able?to secure anything else, inside or outside of her organisation.

All of this meant Justine lived in a constant state of anxiety.

Plus she was thoroughly frustrated with herself and a situation she felt she couldn’t break.

Now to help Justine?dissolve the self-doubt that plagued her,?I took her through a short process to surface, contextualise and start to undermine her poor (and completely inaccurate!) view of herself. ?

I asked her a number of powerful questions to get to the root cause of her self-doubt; so she could see it was a product of her early experiences and influences, and not a flaw in her character.

Then I helped her articulate exactly what she was telling herself, so we knew precisely what we needed to change.

And then I showed her how to re-train her brain to think differently, giving her practical exercises to work with to shift her self-view.

It was during this process that Justine hit a major realisation that changed everything:

Every time anything happened, good or bad, she turned it into a criticism about herself.

So whenever she got good feedback, she told herself people felt sorry for her because she was incapable, or that they were too kind to tell her the truth.

And whenever others behaved badly in the workplace, like taking credit for her work?or refusing to follow the proven processes she’d set up, she took it to mean she wasn’t deserving or?good enough, or that her recommendations were questionable.

“I’ve realised I turn everything on myself and make it a problem with me, when almost all of the time that’s not the case”, she told me.

Justine was basically attributing negative self-meaning to everything that happened, when in her words, "There is?no proof!” ?

This new understanding, together with her continued brain retraining work, broke the cycle for Justine.

She started to see the holes in her thinking, question the validity of her self-doubt, and build a new, more accurate perspective of herself and her capability.

And with this her confidence, the opportunities in front of her began to rise :)

If Justine’s story resonates with you, you aren’t alone. I’ve worked with countless people who have spent years interpreting their experiences and interactions with people as a criticism of themselves.

But like Justine and those other clients, you have the power to change your perspective.

Whether you get help or work on it yourself, the greatest takeaway is this:

Select meanings that empower you.

If you are doing yourself down, stop and ask yourself whether you have actual proof of any criticism, and in the absence of it, consciously choose a different meaning... ...one?that encourages, motivates and serves you.

With practice, I promise you’ll start to cultivate a different self-view. And it will make a difference to every single aspect of your life, not just work???

Alison x

P.S. If you’d love help conquering your own confidence issues once and for all, take a look at my RAISE coaching programme and book a free, no-strings consultation call.