But They Seemed Okay?

The fourth topic in our series about suicide prevention relates to our initial post on how we might identify when a person is struggling - https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/how-coud-we-ever-have-known-lance-burdett/.

Another reason why it can be so difficult to identify when someone is having thoughts of suicide is a phenomenon where the person seems to have recovered. There is often a dramatic improvement in their behaviour - they seem happier, swiftly back to their old self, perhaps even better than before.

On many occasions when this rapid improvement occurs, the person has made up their mind to take their own life and is so clear in their thought process that they become relaxed and much happier. Why, they now have a defined goal; the difficult decision has been made.

They will often try to make amends for any wrongdoing that they have caused, they may give away very personal possessions, they may meet up with people who they haven't spoken with for many years, and they may start showing more affection than they once did.

Often, they will become much happier in a very short space of time.

As someone who has been there, in the mire and had suicidal ideations, it is more often a very long road back to being normal, whatever normal means. There is seldom such a thing as a dramatic recovery.

For the majority of suicidal people, they have had negative thoughts for some time. These thoughts form neural pathways that are very hard to break and recovery through forming new pathways can take quite a while, possibly months or even years to recover.

Negative thoughts become unrelenting, so much so that we start to have suicidal ideations - thoughts of suicide - as part of our fight-or-flight response. We have fought tirelessly to the point where we become overwhelmed, we can't stop nor control our negative thoughts, we become despondent, we become exhausted, we become suicidal to flee the situation.

'That voice' inside of our head that has taken us down with its relentless negative chatter, 'that voice' that has stopped us from reaching out for help, 'that voice' that gives us a glimmer of hope that things will be okay then slams us back down, 'that voice' that tells us that we have failed.

'That voice' no longer is our voice.

Just recently I have been contacted by people who have been suicidal, which by the way goes against what we are told to do by 'that voice', all have said that they no longer recognise their thoughts, they are the thoughts of someone else. One said, "There is something inside my head and I don't know what it is".

'That voice' continually repeats inside our heads until it becomes someone else's voice. 'That voice' tells us that we are okay, that 'it' has our backs, that everything will be okay, that all we have to do is to trust it.

I have heard people say that they feared getting out of bed, of going outside, of going for a walk, because they knew that they would never return home. That irrational, negative, all-consuming voice become uncontrollable with only glimpses of rational noise that holds us back from taking our own life.

The key to suicide prevention seems simple, and it possibly might be, if we know what is going on inside of our heads.

Who do you talk to the most across your day, yourself, you are doing it right now as you read this. We all worry, we all have an inner critic, we all have a younger self, we all have an imposter, we all have 'that voice', all of which is simply inside our heads.

What are all of these things? They are nothing more than risk management tools that have evolved over time to keep us safe. We, who are here today, are the fittest. The worriers not the warriors. Life has become more complex than earlier times therefore our brain has more things to worry about, more decisions to make, and more (perceived) danger to consider.

What are all of these things truly? They are thoughts, our thoughts, our minds if you prefer to think that way. Therefore, who can change these thoughts, we can, and only us. The key is to start controlling our thoughts as early as possible.

It is you inside of your head, no one else, it is you! But, your voice tells you different.

Those who read my posts will know that words do mean something, more so when we repeat them to ourselves. Be kind, be gentle, be compassionate - with yourself. We all make mistakes, we all wish that we could do better, we all wish that things might have been different, at some time in our lives.

Know also that our brains are wired to look after others, that's how we have survived, as community creatures. looking after others.

I am becoming more and more in favour of changing the term 'suicide' to 'accidental death', or maybe back to one of the original terms for it, 'melancholia'. Early death certificates had that word to describe what a person died of when they took their own life, melancholia. Deep sadness. For, it is not us who takes our own life, it is our unrelenting negative thoughts that we are no longer in control of and that we no longer recognise as ours, that takes our life.

It is not who we are nor is it who we once were, it is the result of 'that voice'.

Let's talk!

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Lance, a former police crisis negotiator and personnel development manager, now provides enhanced communication, safety management, and personal resilience support to businesses across all industries; https://www.warninternational.com/