Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said. – Peter Drucker

My son was about seven, when I caught him wearing my adult prescription eyeglasses. "Why are you wearing my glasses," I asked? "I just wanted to see how I looked in them," he answered sounding a bit disingenuous.

"Well... can you see things any better wearing daddy's big eyeglasses," I asked? "No, it's even blurrier, than before," he replied. "And, you don't see things clearly without the glasses? "No daddy," not in school," he admitted. That was the AHA moment! Truth is, my son was having some difficulty reading the white board at school and thought my eyeglasses might help him see it better. I didn't figure this out until after I asked the right questions and listened carefully to what he was telling me. Critical listening and probing uncovered the truth. My son needed glasses of his own, not a daddy dress-up day, as he falsely implied. There's a bit of irony to unpack here.

Junior obviously thought we all could see equally as well when wearing the same prescription eyeglasses. Of course, we cannot. It's not a one-size-fits-all heath remedy. Similarly, not all "ears" are equally fine-tuned to interpret the same discreet underlying messages that are often buried within routine conversations. This ability requires well-honed critical listening skills.

” Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” –Andy Stanley

Are we, as listeners, zeroing in on the situational contexts and unique personal perspectives of what is being said to us? Is what we are hearing actually what is being said? What do different voice inflections and intonations reveal about the true nature of the spoken words? Perhaps, they are disguised cry for help or other signals? How well are we really keying in to verbal and physical cues? We cannot possibly be helpful when we miss subtle inferences and hidden meanings? We must FOCUS and stop racing to reply. We must listen closely to DIAGNOSE and deeply UNDERSTAND the heart of the matter, first and foremost.

Unless you train yourself to listen better for understanding (unique situations and associated emotions), you can never really know how to properly advise and counsel others. And, you may jeopardize relationships by becoming "lost" to those counting on you for guidance. Most will be thinking - what you say is good and fine, but it doesn't pertain to me. So, strive to become an empathic listener. Attentively focus your ears on understanding those needing to be heard - emotionally - as well as intellectually. Do this, FIRST, if you want to have any chance of being heard and understood, yourself.