Seek Common Ground and then Educate, and Other Actions for?Allies
Each week, Karen Catlin shares five simple actions to create a more inclusive workplace and be a better?ally.
1. Seek common ground and then?educate
If you’ve read my books or have heard me speak, you know one of my favorite approaches for pointing out non-inclusive behavior is to seek common ground and then educate. It’s a powerful way to speak up about someone’s behavior without shaming or blaming them.
Here are some examples:
Now it’s your turn. Think of something you’ve learned on your journey to be a better ally. Then, imagine bringing someone else along on your learning journey by seeking common ground and educating.
To learn more, please listen to this brief episode of the Call In Podcast where Alexandria White, Ed.D. and I discuss this approach.
2. Walk the?walk
Imagine you’re a man. After accepting an invitation to speak at a conference, you notice it’s an all-male lineup. What would you do?
If you’re like Matthew Skelton , you step down.
After a conference organizer shared a marketing flier listing their upcoming speakers, Skelton responded with a brief, “Unfortunately, I have had to withdraw from this event due to the lack of speakers who are not men.”
That’s allyship in action?—?refusing to help reinforce the message that men are the subject matter experts and that other genders don’t belong.
One more thing for frequent public speakers: Consider adding “I won’t speak on all-male panels” or “I won’t speak on all-white panels” to your online bio. It’s a powerful way to signal a commitment to diversity and inclusion.
3. Reflect on a time you weren’t inclusive
Juneteenth commemorates June 19, 1865 when Union troops arrived in Galveston, Texas, bringing the news of freedom to the enslaved African Americans and signaling the end of the Civil War.
However, as the US Institute of Diplomacy and Human Rights highlights,
“Juneteenth is a day to celebrate, but it is also a day to take stock of the ongoing work for racial justice that is needed in the United States.”
Let’s take a moment to reflect and take action. Here’s a valuable insight I gained from Lionel Lee , then head of diversity engagement at Zillow, during a Black History Month webinar hosted by Empovia :
Reflect on times you weren’t inclusive. For example, when you “forgot” to invite a Black coworker to a meeting or an after-work social gathering. The time you interrupted a Black colleague. The time you didn’t advocate for a Black employee during a performance calibration meeting.
And then decide how you’ll act differently moving forward.
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4. Don’t insist on eye?contact
I used to believe eye contact was a form of respect and an essential trait for better allies. I’d heard too many stories from women whose male managers wouldn’t look them in the eye. They’d glance at the floor, their laptop, or even out the window in one-to-one meetings?—?anything to avoid eye contact. Yet, those same managers would look directly at other men.
To draw attention to this issue, I wrote about it in my book Better Allies and included “Your manager maintains eye contact when speaking to you” in my list of privileges you might have at work.
However, I’ve since learned that direct eye contact is a sign of disrespect in some cultures.
I’ve also learned about its impact on individuals with autism spectrum disorders. Nicole, a newsletter subscriber who has autism, shared her experience with me. She explained that while she can make eye contact, she finds it easier to communicate and have more meaningful conversations at work when she doesn’t.
And, of course, eye contact isn’t the only way for someone to show respect and acknowledge they’re listening to a conversation. For example, they might nod, lean towards the person speaking, take notes, or ask follow-up questions.
Nicole suggested I change the item in my list of privileges to “My manager makes me feel listened to and valued.” She explained, “This places the emphasis on the desired outcome and allows for more flexibility of what that may look like in practice.” I appreciate this more inclusive perspective.
Thanks to Nicole, I’ve since updated my online list of 50 Potential Privileges in the Workplace, available as a one-page download and a large-print version .
5. Community spotlight: Create inclusive team-building events
This week’s spotlight on an ally action from the Better Allies community is from Andy Jennett, who told me,
“When I schedule happy hours or other team outings, and someone cannot make it, I follow up individually to ask what I can do for the next outing to ensure it is inclusive to their circumstances.”
Jennett’s story reminded me of something another subscriber told me. I’ll refer to him as Bob (not his real name). Bob noticed that one team member never participated in after-work team-building events. Yet, Bob never said anything to him. He didn’t reach out to ask why. Years later, Bob learned that the man was a single dad who couldn’t afford to participate in the activities and couldn’t attend because of his caregiving responsibilities.
I also thought of a lunch I had over a decade ago with a former classmate, Jill. As we shared examples of non-inclusive situations we’d experienced working in tech, she mentioned her experience of being pregnant and unable to participate in what she called “adrenaline-filled team outings.” Like white water rafting and mountain biking. She rhetorically asked, “Why can’t we mix it up and offer some events that everyone can enjoy?”
Right on.
If you’ve taken a step towards being a better ally, please reply to this email and tell me about it. And mention if I can quote you by name or credit you anonymously in an upcoming newsletter.
That’s all for this week. I wish you strength and safety as we all move forward.
— Karen Catlin (she/her), author of the Better Allies? book series
Copyright ? 2024 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.
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