Seeing What They See

by Dale Grant

I lost more than 50 pounds in 6 months.

I’m not going to lie—I’m pretty damn proud of it. There’s something cool about setting a goal, working my ass off, actually sticking with it for more than a week, and getting measurable results.

Now, there are a lot of amazing benefits to losing that much weight. Let’s start with the fact that my health is better. My previous pancake syrup levels of blood sugar are back down in the reasonable range. When my chest hurts now, the first guess is reflux as opposed to a heart attack. I’m down two shirt sizes and two pant sizes. My energy levels are higher than they’ve ever been in my adult life. I can run and play with my kids. I can climb a flight of stairs without feeling like I’m fighting for my life or sweating like a pimp in Sunday school.

All of that stuff is great, and I’m going to admit that this is incredibly shallow and lame, but the best part is getting to post the before-and-after picture on social media. You know, the type of photo where you look less like a potato and more like a French fry.

Look, here’s mine… not bad, right?

The adult world doesn’t offer us a ton of opportunities for public success, so the flood of congratulations and accolades you get when you post a picture showing your weight loss success is a dopamine hit like no other. Maybe it’s my only-child desperate need for attention or maybe I have deep-seated self-confidence issues. Maybe, after years of not being happy with how I look, I’m finally stoked about posting a picture of myself. Maybe I’m just a little bit vain. The jury is still out.

An interesting phenomenon occurred as I’ve had conversations with people about my weight loss. My wife, looking at pictures of my rotund face from a wedding we attended last year, said, “I don’t remember you being that big.” A co-worker I’ve worked with for the last two years looked at one of my photos and, after congratulating me, said something to the effect of, “Oh, I didn’t know you back when you were that big,” despite the photo being less than a year old. It was a common recurring theme.

In a lot of ways, it was inconceivable (cue Princess Bride reference) that anyone could not notice. I noticed every single day. Trust me, despite the amazing strides we’ve taken in body positivity, I still had those moments of self-loathing. For me, those moments usually hit when I turned the TV off and caught myself looking like a manatee covered in potato chip crumbs in the reflection of the blackened screen. Sometimes it would hit when someone snapped a picture of me in profile, accentuating my overall girth. Then there were the times I found myself bigger than a character who was the butt of a fat joke on TV (seriously, Al Borland wasn’t even that big—WTF was wrong with us as a society in the ’90s?). Trust me, having been in the portly camp for most of my adult life, most of us are well aware of what we look like to other people, or so I thought.

But after several people close to me expressed similar sentiments about not remembering me being as corpulent as I was, I realized something important. When we don’t feel our best, we tend to focus on our own flaws. We see ourselves in terms of our shortcomings, but the people who care about us most don’t typically see us the same way. On the contrary, they tend to see us for our best qualities.

Did they know I was a husky fellow? Of course. But while I spent my nights hating myself as I watched my gut jiggle like a bowl full of jelly in the mirror every time I brushed my teeth, they saw me for who I actually am. And of course, they would. We are more than numbers on a scale or strained notches on a stretched-out belt. We are creative and collaborative coworkers. We are kind and caring friends. We are loving, dedicated parents. We are charmingly annoying to our spouses. We are complex creatures with hopes, and feelings and dreams who make a positive impact in the world.

I absolutely think it’s important to take charge of our health. When we are ready to make positive changes, we should make the most of it because the benefits are amazing (see above paragraph about health benefits, positive accolades and dopamine hits). But maybe we also need to cut ourselves a little slack.

Because if our friends and loved ones—the people we care about most—can see the best in us, maybe we can see it in ourselves.