SEEING THROUGH TO THE ESSENTIAL

E S P í R I T U ?

THE HORSE GUY?

Coaching with Horses?

Story #133

__________________

SEEING THROUGH TO THE ESSENTIAL?

Here in the north when winter comes and the deciduous trees shed their leaves whole new worlds come into focus. We can see through to the structure of the trees and beyond. On our weekend drives on back roads through the country we have discovered new homes, neighborhoods, and whole new developments that had previously been hidden behind leaves and shrubs. There is no striving, no hurrying to make sure anything happens. Nature operates on its own schedule in its own rhythm.?

Nature’s seasons seem to mirror my own. I’ve been thinking about the work of seeing through to my own structures. When things fall away what is left to see? What would I find revealed that would otherwise remain hidden. Usually this means seeing the underlying thought structure and assumptions driving behavior.

As a junior in high school I was voted MVP of the varsity track team. I was a pretty good runner; not great but pretty good. I could win or place high in three different distance races: half mile, mile and two mile runs. Not many runners could do this. Each race required different practice schedules but with the right training I could run each distance very well. We were state champions in cross country a few months earlier; I was captain of that team. You get the idea.

In the days leading up to the city track championship I was preparing to run the half mile race. The day before the event coach informed me I would instead be running the two mile race. I remember feeling fear when he told me. As it turned out I ran well, holding the lead until the last 50 yards when I was passed by the two miler runner from my team. We finished 1-2. The points helped our team secure the city championship. I should have been excited.

I was devastated I had lost. I felt ashamed and angry at the coach and myself. Mostly myself. On the ride home with my father I opened my window and threw the trophy out. It landed in a river as we passed over the bridge. I remember my father being livid with me but it didn’t matter. My own disgust was much louder. I hated the thought of being ordinary.

“Narcissism is not about self love at all. It’s about grandiosity driven by high performance and self-hatred. I define narcissism as the shame-based fear of being ordinary.” (Brené Brown, on a Tim Furriss Show podcast)

This was an early glimpse at seeing through to the underlying structure in me where self worth and value ride completely on performance. If I do well I am well. If I do poorly, I am worthless. It has shown up many times in my adult life when I was learning new things, or experimenting with new ideas and ways of expression (writing a book, articles, working with horses, learning to hang glide, etc.). My mind is not a pleasant place when this old story is activated! The secret blessing is that my exhaustion with this old narrative in the end served as motivation to allow a new story to emerge in me.

What my ego used to keep me bound up my spirit turned into a doorway of freedom.

Master landscape photographer, award winner and friend, @ Rick Braveheart , is an artist who knows something about the discipline of seeing through to the underlying structure of things. Fifteen-time artist-in-residence for the National Park Service, Rick sees all of nature as alive and conscious. His stance is one of deep respect and reverence for and curiosity and wonder about the natural world. His work is vivid, intimate and alive. Just like nature.

I’m convinced his way of approaching the land allows nature to grant Rick special access to herself. The stone figures and rock formations, flowers, the trees and sunsets reveal their underlying structure of their beauty to Rick. They share their essence with him because he is humble enough to want to see it. He knows how to see through to what the land reveals. We have several of his pieces in our home (www.Rickbraveheart.com).

Respect and reverence are of much more value to me now than shame and self hatred! The escape from self hatred has been a long road and but one worth taking. Respect and reverence keep me from taking myself too seriously and have largely eliminated prolonged experiences of anger towards myself and others. Curiosity and wonder help me stay in the new game and fuel my experimentation. These qualities allow me to live more of my life without judgement.

Our horses respond quickly and consistently to me and others who approach them with respect and reverence. We stop being seen as predators and instead are considered not to be threats to them. When these qualities are missing, our equine partners move away from us; they want nothing to do with us. When we are in a hurry, pre-occupied or trying hard to make something happen, horses react to us in very different ways. Fight or flight become their options. Whatever happens next won’t be pretty.

Horses work like Winter itself works. They see through us to our inward structure. They sense what we’re thinking and feeling, what our intentions and motives are in any moment. To be accepted by them is a huge blessing, a confirmation we are at home with ourselves. To be able to join up with them is a real achievement. To have each other as trusted partners is an indescribable experience but one well within reach for us. No striving is required, just a willingness to see through to what’s really going on with us. No trophies are handed out either! The connection is better than any trophy.

———————-

ESPíRITU — VETERANS EQUINE ALLIANCE

www.espírituhorse.com