“ Seeing myself in others"…. Is it practically possible?

Yesterday, I shared “the three questions” ?on being humane, and received some interesting responses. A friend asked a great question about “seeing ourselves in others”. His curiosity was “Is it possible to be So humane or Self-aware? can we truly see ourselves in others? Is it really feasible or practical?

What does “seeing myself in others” mean? Let us begin with “how do I treat myself, value myself or give importance to my own feelings?” This means “not being reactive or angry or disrespectful to the other” ?because we don't do that to ourselves in the first place. We're usually loving and kind to ourselves, so can we be like that all the time, “to others”?

Here are some insights, when I reflected on this further, ?thought about it with examples of my "personal" situations.

First, we most often act or react from one of our many identities, which are tied to our roles. For example, if I'm talking to a team member working under me and they react with irritation, my mind might say, "How dare you be disobeying me, or defying me?" This is because the boss's role takes over. I am so glued to my role while dealing with him that I can not even differentiate my “Self” from my identity of being the “boss”, his superior- at least structurally, if not capability-wise!

This feeling of insult and a desire to control “happens” quickly. But the truth is, I'm coming from the HABITAT of living as an IDENTITY and a ROLE, almost all the time!

So the real question of ?“whether we can see ourselves in others while still holding onto these roles and identities”. Can you truly be yourself when responding to others?, Is a question of breaking free from our deeply internalised tendency to focus on identity and roles.

The key is to quickly return to a fully aware self…forming new habits to replace the old ones in our CONDITIONED MINDS. By “Re-MINDING” ourselves of “who I am!”

Vedanta teacher Parmarthanandaji talks about how self-awareness helps improve our "F.I.R":?lessening the Frequency of reactivity, ?the Intensity of reactivity, and Recovery time from the reactivity. Being more self-aware allows us to manage these aspects better, and return to a calm state more quickly.

To gain control over our FIR, we must ask ourselves why we're reactive in the first place. Can we pause and recognise where we're coming from? This question is crucial. When we ask it, we realise we have a choice. Our minds may be programmed to react in certain ways, but we can decide if we want to continue that pattern or choose another path.

This choice lies between a trigger and a response. Does slowing down our responses affect our ability to manage situations? If you judge yourself for it, you might get stuck. However, being non-judgmental allows you to see the value in taking your time. Choosing to slow down can lead to better control and more mature handling of situations.

Once you've paused, you can decide on a positive, neutral, or even strong reactive response—as long as it's a considered choice rather than an impulsive one. So yes, deliberately slowing down is a conscious decision made for better control and understanding in our interactions with others.

I focus on my actions and turn them into thoughtful responses. This makes me responsible. It's better than just reacting. Stephen Covey called this the pause between a trigger and response, a deliberate choice being made.

To see myself in others, I first need to value that idea. Is it important to me? If I don't want to feel helpless or insulted, I should treat others the same way. So, the first step is valuing sensitivity and respect for all people.

Next, I create a habit based on that value. I practice thoughtful responses instead of reactions until they become natural to me. It starts with willingness, then effort and some stumbles along the way. Eventually, willingness plus capability leads to a natural way of being.

If we Try to make this value a habit and it becomes part of our NATURAL SELF”! We are all naturally self-aware. The goal is to respond with awareness, not react based on our many identities. Enjoy the journey and take care!

Being self-aware and open is a journey. We don't need to be perfect from the start, but there are three important steps. First, build a strong foundation by reflecting and thinking about it regularly. Next, practice it so it becomes a habit.

Eventually, you'll notice a smile inside when you're about to react. Best luck!

in Awareness & Love

Raja Krishnamoorthy

28-12-2023

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