Seeds of Destruction

In the world’s largest investigation into the impact of DNA on mental disorders, more than 200 researchers identified 44 gene variants that increase the likelihood of depression. I am certainly not a scientist, nor a biologist, and I don’t have the slightest interest in genetics. I was always more into the ‘fluffy’ subjects at school like English and French, rather than the ‘hard as concrete’ ones like Mathematics and the Sciences. But I think I might just have stumbled across two new gene variants to add to the 44.

One is called Worry and the other is called Winner. These are what I call ‘tricky’ genes. Having one or the other is generally okay, I think. But when both are deeply embedded in your DNA, it might just lead to some internal conflicts, and fireworks could go off.

Worry gene...

There were undoubtedly some early warning signs during my teenage years that Worry gene was in my blood. At school, I was a very conscientious student. I prepared myself well for exams, never leaving things until the last minute, always heavily dependent on strict and meticulous revision timetables. My peers would be burning the midnight oil, cramming in facts and figures, while I was tucked up in bed at 10pm, fully prepared for the challenges of the next day. This was a sign not of complacency, but one of extreme caution. 

My mother, Alice, was the worrier in the family and the permanent creases etched on her face were testament to this. She had three mechanisms for coping with daily stresses. She did her best to avoid any situations that brought uncertainty with them; she smoked like a chimney; and, later in her life, she resorted to a cocktail of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills to keep her nerves under control. Life seemed to be one perpetual challenge for Alice. A never-ending struggle. I think I inherited my Worry gene from my mother. I would pass it on to my daughter, Emily.

Winner gene...

One of my other core personality traits was that I was always a very competitive person, academically, socially, and in the sporting arena. I was blessed with above average talent in several different team sports at school, including rugby and cricket, and competing and winning have always been important to me. I am not sure whether my aptitude for sport or my desire to win were a result of either nature or nurture. I suspect it was both.

So, not only was I burdened with the Worry gene, but I was also ‘blessed’ with a very determined and ambitious ‘Winner’ gene, the other tricky twin. Unfortunately, these two, side by side as they were, did not always make for compatible partners. There were too many fundamental differences between them, in terms of what they valued and what they felt to be important.

My high levels of anxiety and my inability to relax when under pressure meant I never quite fulfilled my potential, in particular on the sports field. I was occasionally let down by my mental fragility because I cared too much about losing and disappointing others. When my mind needed to be relaxed and focused in the heat of battle, it was often infiltrated with negative thoughts and irrational doubts, neither of which were conducive to the art of winning.    

I would not have been the person to take the last-minute penalty to win the football World Cup final, serve out for the match in a tense fifth set in the Men’s final at Wimbledon or sink a difficult downhill 10-foot putt to win the US Masters Golf Tournament at Augusta. There would have been far too much distracting noise in my head. Winner and Worry gene would have been at loggerheads with one another.

Mental Notes

1.     Look back in your life for any evidence that you might have inherited one or two ‘tricky’ genes. Your parents are a good place to start.

2.     Although they should never be a limiting factor, make sure you remain mindful of their needs. They may well be in conflict with one another and this can lead to problems.

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