"See You in Court", single biggest business vision or mind block.

"See you in court!"*

This week an acquaintance was fired from a major national hospital related job that he may have been doing well. This inspired me to reflect from my own experience for support and encouragement to anyone who has to go through draining relational politricks.

These 4 not-so-little-words 'See you in court' have the power to keep you chasing your tail & casing the wilderness in your business, marriage, career or partnerships.

"To seek some abstract meaning to our lives out of our circle of influence or concern (i.e. seeking revenge, keeping up with the Joneses or running away from fear in response to 'unwarranted' or 'unfair' provocation) is to abdicate our proactive responsibility, to the hands of circumstances, other people and not to our own destiny."

Paraphrasing Man in search of meaning by V. Frankl

I love this wonderful piece. Having fought, been to court, and finally successfully surrendered seared or highly geared relationships and businesses to a bigger purpose, am now a living & willing resource person for the power of ADR, the fact that there is no other single biggest waster of men that leaves them in tatters - a former shadow of themselves other than court battles and finally that God does indeed need us whole, not in tatters in order to use our unique experiences (good or bad), gifts, qualifications, unique interests and personalities in meeting needs of our families, relationships, partnerships, humanity around us, our businesses & ultimately recruit more to this mission and make the globe a better place for us all.

Going to court, either for broken marriage, relationships, partnership or business greatly serves to destruct and distract us from the unique purpose God has for meeting the needs of humanity to and through us for His glory, praise and honor. Having practically lived through that, no matter how light it was, I can't help but stress it's power to change ones course from focusing & moving forward with what is in my control instead of a crippled victim mentality that has no use for self & humanity other than, 'waiting' for outcome of a court case, and finally being proven to have been right all along.

Granted, letting go, and letting God or cleaning up a mess I didn't make, or 'worse' still, extending grace where none is logically required and getting even would do me just right - is extremely hard, but for me, it helped & greatly blessed me when I had other older & mature leaders around me to help me with processing and recorrecting.

Choosing this "When they go low, we go high" path is extremely hard & scary, but I can attest that these 'unreasonable' things being required of us are opportunities for you and me to grow in spiritual & mental strength & courage - a scarce super power that can only be achieved by drawing from a stronger power & that is extremely useful for a successful, fulfilling, exceptional or remarkable relationship that will stand the test & taste of time be it in business ventures, marriages, partnerships, career paths or any other activity that requires healthy relational capacity.

It is only in our weaknesses, when we allow ourselves to draw from a higher power than ourselves which is only time after which we can even dare to win in relationships. Once we have figured ourselves out (why did I have the fear of bringing whole set of cards on table, asking the hard and right questions of handling success, failure and dispute before relationship started), only then can we have the necessary competence or right balance between empathy and confidence to ask hard questions with aim of bringing light as I move forward as well sensitivity and courage not to sweep things under carpet in order to enter into a relational agreement.

On the other hand, if you and I find a more comfortable or convenient short cut (situationship, arrangement, entanglement etc) and do it without putting in the personal time, we are either living a fluke of a life inadvertently under the grace of God and can't replicate our fluke or it's just a matter of time as the swahili saying goes, ukiona cha mwenzio cha nyolewa chako tia maji (loosely translated: Winter is coming!), and need to course correct ASAP (whether there is a dispute or not), here too you I have the power to call on ADR for help and though hard, mostly due to crippling fears of uncertainty- you and I will get a more meaningful relationship, value or even see better opportunities for all parties, whether we agree or agree to disagree, on this end, the grace of God is sufficient as well, but this time, you and I become the drivers of our destinies and not powerless victims or prisoners of our insecurities and now can lead others and ourselves to enter or walk away from relationships with dignity & purpose for all.

Excerpt from The Effective Executive by P. Drucker that I find useful in getting all parties a beneficial give and take relational agreement

The writer, Dr. Somoni has been to court, and has helped many other relationships not get there or successfully get out of there with a win-win outcome.

Be free. Be productive. Avoid entangled. Choose #Coaching. Choose #AlternativeDisputeResolution (ADR) anytime.

*Sometimes going to court may be seen as the only way to get parties serious on ADR and this mostly happens when for whatever reason, the parties never really put all cards on the table before the relationship started, on not only what brings them together but what happens if they ever get at cross hairs and cross roads to each other. Therefore it may be wiser to structure contracts with ADR in mind right from conception. I am glad to see the ADR space is growing as various sectors are choosing this path to resolve issue and even have success, more fulfilling & clarified partnerships after experiencing a dispute.

More resources:

Nairobi Centre for International Arbitration (NCIA) Chartered Institute of Arbitrators Centre for Alternative Dispute Resolution, RGNUL (CADR-RGNUL)

#ChooseADR anytime!