Get better at receiving feedback

"I would like to give you some feedback"

What do you feel when you hear this sentence? More often than not, these words make me feel a little awkward, worried and vulnerable straight away.?

Receiving feedback is not easy, positive or negative feedback.

When it's positive, we tend to brush it aside, downplay it and even feel embarrassed. Think about I - when was the last time you simply accepted a compliment with "Thank you" and a smile instead of "Oh, this old thing? I just got it on sale. It's nothing special".

If we want to become a little more courageous as leaders, continue to grow and step into our full potential, we have to practice receiving feedback gracefully. Learn to reflect on it and define aligned actions that work for us.

But how do we listen to and receive feedback without giving in to the urge to run away or fight back?

Well, first, we have to look at our default reaction to feedback. Let's focus on constructive feedback in this case.??

I still remember one particular moment when I received feedback, and the conversation left me feeling completely defeated. It hurt my feelings and bruised my ego. On top of it, the person who delivered the feedback was not very skilled in the process.?

I felt frustrated and a bit angry. I was not able to sit in the discomfort. I felt vulnerable and ashamed. I could feel my defence mechanisms get all fired up, and I prepared myself for a fight as a release for my emotions. I wanted to defend my proposal and my ideas and tried to justify my thoughts.

I did react and said a few things that probably didn't work in my favour. Thankfully I then managed to take a deep breath and stop myself from responding further.??

When we're feeling very emotional, our rational brain is not functioning well, and it might not be the best idea to react immediately.

A few hours later, when I had processed and managed my emotions, I was able to look back at the conversation and examine the information provided without my feelings getting in the way. I started to see more clearly the value I could take from the discussions, even f I did not fully agree with everything that was being said.

This situation made me think a bit more about feedback in general. In my role as a leadership coach, I spend a lot of time teaching people how to deliver feedback effectively and respectfully that empowers and motivates the receiver, instead of leaving them feeling ashamed and frustrated. It takes a lot of practice and courage to embrace the feedback process as a leader.

But when we are on the receiving end, we have no control over who provides us with feedback and how skilled they are in doing so.?

I stumbled across this quote from?Brené?Brown's Book "Dare to lead". She writes "We have to be able to take feedback – regardless of how it's delivered – and apply it productively. We have to do this for a simple reason: mastery requires feedback. I don't care what we're trying to master – and whether we are trying to develop greatness or proficiency – it always requires feedback."

We might not have any control over the skill level and intention of the person delivering the feedback, and often we might even be caught off guard and not mentally prepared, but we have the power to change how we react. It takes practice, but it is very rewarding.

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HERE ARE MY 6 TIPS FOR RECEIVING FEEDBACK WITH COURAGE AND A GROWTH MINDSET:

1.?The first thing that helps is to be well aware of our strengths and build trust in our own abilities. The more we believe in ourselves, the easier it is to take in feedback without labeling it as good or bad and feeding your vulnerability. You could review your CliftonStrengths and develop strategies in which your strengths can support you in receiving feedback.

2.?You get to choose who you accept feedback from. You do not have to listen to everyone who wants to give you feedback. Ask yourself, is this a person I respect, I admire, I want to learn from? Have they achieved anything that I would love to achieve myself? Do I trust their intentions?

3.?While listening to feedback, try to stay open-minded. Try to understand the other person's perspective. There is always something to learn from any situation and about human behaviour.?

4.?Tell yourself that this is just information. It is not true or false, only data. Remember that the person on the other end is judging something based on their own expectations, filters, values and self-worth. You get to decide what you take from it.

5.?If you feel overwhelmed, angry, frustrated and unable to manage your emotions, ask for the meeting to be postponed. You are in control. If you don't feel like you can stay in a growth mindset, it is best for both parties to reschedule and meet another time. The next time, you get to prepare yourself emotionally for the conversation and can go in feeling more balanced.

And remember, it is completely normal and valid to feel vulnerable and emotional when someone provides us feedback. There is no need to feel ashamed. Allow yourself to feel the feels and then return to the conversation.

6.?After the conversation, take time to work through and manage your emotions first before you analyse the feedback. Wait until you are back to a balanced emotional state. You will be able to look at the information without as much vulnerability and feelings attached. It will be much easier to decide what is valuable feedback and define actions for improvement.

I hope these tips will help you to feel more equipped for the next time you receive feedback. Don't forget that it takes practice, and there will always be situations where our emotions take over. When that happens, remove yourself from the conversation and give yourself some space to process.

If you would like to dive a bit deeper into the topic of providing and receiving feedback, check out my YouTube playlist on "Feedback" .

Have a great rest of your week,

Anne