Security Theater: Why FUD Won't Keep Out the Hackers

#Cybersecurity #SecurityMyths #InfoSec #StopTheFUD #SecurityReality

Views expressed are my own, intentionally provocative for shock value and emphasis, and ABSOLUTELY do not represent those of my employers, past or present, or any potentially affiliated organizations. Heck, they may not even represent my own views on any given day. This is edu-satire. Reader discretion is advised.        

Another day, another "security expert" on LinkedIn trying to convince us that public Wi-Fi is basically Skynet with a splash page. You know the posts I'm talking about - those fear-mongering manifestos that read like they were written by someone whose entire security knowledge comes from watching "Hackers" on repeat in 1995.

The State of Security FUD: A Horror Story

Let's examine a recent gem I found in the wild (names removed to protect the chronically misinformed):

DANGER! When you connect to public Wi-Fi, hackers can see EVERYTHING! Your passwords! Your credit cards! Your browsing history! Even your encrypted data!

deep calming breaths

No. Just... no. This isn't how this works. This isn't how ANY of this works.

Why This Kind of FUD is Dangerous

1. It Distracts from Real Threats

While you're worried about imaginary hackers sniffing your latte-fueled LinkedIn browsing at Starbucks, your employees are still using "Password123!" for everything and clicking on every phishing link that promises pictures of cute puppies

2. It Undermines Security Credibility

When people realize you're full of it about one thing, they'll assume you're full of it about everything. We need trust to implement actual security measures, not ghost stories.

3. It Wastes Resources

"Quick, buy our $299/year VPN solution to protect you from these imaginary threats!"

Meanwhile, your Windows 2003 server is crying in the corner, unpatched since Obama's first term.

Let's Debunk Some FUD, Shall We?

The Public Wi-Fi Panic

The FUD: "Hackers can see all your data on public Wi-Fi!"

Reality Check:

- HTTPS is everywhere now. That's why it's called "HTTPS-Everywhere". It's 2025, not 1995.

- Servers are forwarding unsecure connections into their secure ports.

- Search engines REQUIRE it! Browsers default to https now.

- Your banking app isn't sending your password in plaintext. Ever.

- PCI compliance means your credit card details are encrypted in both in transit and at rest.

- Modern WPA is actually pretty decent when implemented correctly.

The MITM Mythology

The FUD: "Hackers can sit between you and the internet!"

Reality Check:

- Certificate pinning exists

- You know your browser actually checks certificates, right?

- HSTS is a thing

- It's not 2008 anymore

The "Even Encrypted Data" Nonsense

The FUD: "Advanced attacks can break encryption!"

Reality Check:

- If you've broken modern encryption, you're not using it to steal Karen's Starbucks rewards password

- You're either working for a Five Eyes intelligence service, or you should contact the Nobel committee

The Real Security Issues We Should Be Talking About

Instead of inventing theoretical attacks that haven't been seen in the wild since dial-up was cool, how about we focus on actual security hygiene?

1. Password Management

- Yes, people are still using "Welcome1!"

- No, adding an exclamation point doesn't make it secure

- Please just use a password manager

2. Patch Management

- Your systems are more outdated than my Dad's Twitter memes... and he died in the 80s...

- Yes, that security update from 2019 was actually kinda important

- No, "but it might break something" is not a valid excuse

3. Access Control

- Why does your intern have domain admin rights?

- Why does your CEO have domain admin rights?

- Why does ANYONE have domain admin rights?

4. Backup Strategy

- "The cloud will save us!" isn't a valid backup strategy

- Neither is praying really hard

- Test your backups before ransomware tests them for you

How to Spot and Stop the FUD

1. Ask for Evidence

- "Has this attack ever happened in the wild?"

- "Can you demonstrate this vulnerability?"

- "Is this from a reliable source or your cousin's Facebook post?"

2. Follow the Money

- Is someone trying to sell you something?

- Is the solution conveniently their product?

- What a shocking coincidence!

3. Apply Basic Logic

- If this vulnerability was real, wouldn't major companies be screaming?

- Would banks still use this technology?

- Does this pass the basic smell test?

A Call to Action: Stop the FUD

To my fellow security professionals:

- Stop scaring people unnecessarily

- Focus on real, evidence-based threats

- Help build actual security cultures

- Base your recommendations on reality, not reddit posts

To everyone else:

- Question sensational security claims

- Focus on security basics first

- Remember that not every security post needs a dozen emoji warning symbols

- Real security isn't about fear - it's about appropriate controls

Remember: If someone's trying to scare you into buying their security solution, they're probably only selling fear because they can't sell value.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go explain to someone why their blockchain-based quantum-resistant VPN for IoT toasters might be solving the wrong problem that no one has.

P.S. To the FUD spreaders: Your scary LinkedIn posts? Here's another instance where they are bad, and you should also feel bad.