Secrets, Demons & Ghosts . . . Unpacking the Scars of Emotional Inheritance
“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”
– Tolstoy
Are your clients haunted by ghosts?
In her book, Emotional Inheritance: A Therapist, Her Patients, and The Legacy of Trauma Emotional Inheritance, Galit Atlas, Ph.D., draws on the emotional power of her patients’ stories to unpack the ways in which inherited family trauma affects our lives, mentally, physically, spiritually and economically.
Emotional Inheritance (EI) is about highly personal “family secrets, demons and ghosts” that can keep many of us from reaching our best-self. According to Dr. Atlas, EI can create gaps between what we want for ourselves and what we are able to have for ourselves and our families. It can incubate deep inside us causing blocks to communication across generations. In short, it can haunt us and our family’s legacy story like ghosts.
“Generational wounds” may be transmitted from one generation to the next. And Dr. Atlas shares that when experiencing inter-generational trauma people may carry it in their bodies, minds, hearts, spirits and souls, often unspoken or as secret traumas.?(source: Amazon reviews)
Navigating Family Dysfunction
Facilitating critical conversations between generations is essential in holistic estate planning. However, perhaps there is no more intimidating work for wealth advisors then when family dysfunction exists. A lack of skills required to navigate divergent values, belief systems or hidden traumas can derail a long-standing client relationship in short order.?It can take a degree of unparalleled mastery to find a way through contentious inter-personal waters.?
Fortunately, for the advisors who step into this challenging role the results can be uniquely rewarding. And potentially solidify their position as the primary advisor or “family steward.”
Resources:
There are many effective resources to help advisors prepare for a lead role as a Family Meeting facilitator. Personality style and behavioral communication tools such as D.I.S.C., Kolbe, Myers-Briggs and Emotional Intelligence (EQ) can be a good place to start.
These tools can go a long way in helping us to know ourselves, know others and provide a degree of understanding as to how to unpack deeply held emotional scars or traumas. Through artful navigation the skilled advisor can ensure that estate intentions are built upon a sense of inter-generational openness and trust, which is a key to the creation of a family’s signature “legacy statement.”
Done well, with compassion and intention, the by-product can be an opening up of inter-generational communication. While sometimes emotionally charged, an opening up of legacy conversations may get clients one step closer to overcoming some of the ghosts that may have been getting in the way of sharing their origin stories and values for eternity.?
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Suggested Reading:
To learn more about how to prepare for a role as a facilitator of family meetings and navigating inter-generational conversations contact us at [email protected]
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