Is the secret to work-life balance, working more?

As Mental Health Awareness Month has come to an end, I’ve reflected on the discussions with the people around me about mental health and especially mental health in the workplace. A topic that used to be taboo is now on the agenda at regular intervals, and in many ways, I think Covid is partly to thank for that. Whilst it shouldn’t have taken a mass mental health event to make employers sit up and realise that this is a topic worth taking seriously, that’s what it took.

When the rich, famous and highly successful likes of Steven Bartlett who seemingly have it all, publicly share their own struggles, it helps to normalise and bring awareness. Mental Health is not about weakness but is often about the strength and bravery it takes to be open enough to talk about it and ask for help.

No one is immune to suffering from mental health issues and often the uber-successful pressure themselves into the worst places. High performance comes with baggage and that weight can be hard to bare.

I’m proud to be working in an organisation where mental health is prioritised and where we can be open about our experiences and how they affect our work, positively or negatively. Because the reason we need to be able to talk about mental health in the workplace is not because it’s topical right now, it’s because ultimately no matter how good you are at your job, you are a person first and foremost.

In fact, if you’re having any issues in your personal life, it can be hard if the expectation is for you to hide those struggles and just get on with it. Managing the whole person and understanding personal situations and motivations enables another level of relationship to be formed which brings value, loyalty and commitment.

But it’s also important that we don’t mischaracterise the role of your employer when talking about mental health. Yes, they should support you, but if work is where your main support network is, that may be a risk to you as well as the organisation you work for. It is important for your employer to support you, but perhaps the nature of that support needs to be properly considered.

In my life, I’ve managed turbulent times through my work which has been the reliable, consistent part of life, that’s within my control. It has provided escapism and a laser focus which enabled achievements and therefore brought happiness in dark times. ?When I’ve come to work, that’s been my main form of disconnecting from everything that’s going on in my personal life, and getting a chance to be me again.

Instead of having to think about the latest crisis, I was able to use work and get Shit done, and though whatever I had going on in my personal life wasn’t gone overnight, it still gave me a sense of achievement and something to feel good about, when life was crumbling around me.

In reality, my lowest lows have been outside of work, where my demise and downfall came from not having the work-life balance, not being in the right environment and then eventually not being in a job. The financial security and ability to be good at something 14 hours a day (not much balance there, I know!) lead to a breakdown and then took a few months of rebuilding myself to get back up and go again but with a new understanding of myself and a tool kit to help.

And beyond that, work can in itself be a huge source of security and stability in someone’s life. They say that money can’t buy you happiness, and that’s probably true, but it can buy you a safe way out of an unsafe, unhealthy or impractical situation.

So having that support from my employer is so important to me and many of those I’ve spoken to, as it makes a world of difference when you’re able to engage with work as your full and authentic self not just one aspect of you that goes to work from 9-5 and then disengages. It means that you can support yourself in a different way and even think about some of your struggles in a whole new light.

As an example, I’ve openly declared that while I do not suffer from impostor syndrome, I have worried about not being good enough at times and felt anxious standing up in front of peers or when I challenge myself to do something new for the first time.

I am on the other hand confident, and outspoken, and I believe in myself., I understand that failing is a fundamental part of learning and developing. Which is why I struggle with the term “imposter syndrome”. I don’t want to add a label to say I suffer from a syndrome because I think all of those symptoms are human nature and I struggle to see the value in labelling it and giving the room a reason to make it your problem.

There have been times in certain organisations where I didn’t feel heard or respected, but that quite frankly was me being in the wrong room or focusing on the wrong person, not me having imposter syndrome. ?

There was a situation where I would regularly address 100+ people with regard to my area of expertise or important things going on in the organisation, and most people listened intently to what I had to say. But there was a senior female leader in the room who would never look particularly impressed with anything that I had to say, and eventually, it started getting to me. I questioned my level of nerves and whether I was good enough at what I was doing, and I couldn’t get this 1 person out of my head. But looking back at it, my best guess is that she was intimidated by me or didn’t like me and neither actually mattered.

What made me snap out of the beginnings of what people freely call impostor syndrome today was that I realised it was more about how other people were treating me, rather than anything I was or wasn’t doing. While this one woman was coming across as unimpressed (and I admit I never actually spoke to her about it – maybe that was just her face!), I also wasn’t getting feedback from others within the organisation, good or bad. So that made me question my ability but I’m a true believer in development so asking confirmed what the reality was, I was doing well and there was some advice to improve which I took onboard and did.

Having discussed a similar topic around public speaking fear with our CEO recently, I find it interesting that those who get most nervous, worry about their performance and self-critic are those who care and can often end up being the best, due to a growth mindset and constantly wanting to do more, be better and achieve greater things.

So to tie it back to mental health in the workplace, it’s easy enough to think that a supportive employer wouldn’t want to say anything negative to you, but nothing could be further from the truth. Being taken seriously as an accomplished person in the workplace comes with a level of resilience to be able to take critical feedback. Achieving something makes you feel accomplished, but it can feel equally as an accomplishment to fail at something, clearly understand why you failed, and set yourself up for success next time.

Let’s take that on board to improve mental health across the board. Being supported in the workplace is hugely important, but let’s understand more about what that support looks like. Accurate and specific feedback can be equally as supportive as listening to someone who’s going through a hard time. Achieving something you’ve been working towards is more profound self-care than lighting a nice candle. And sometimes, leaning into how good you feel when working hard can bring life back to your work-life balance. It’s all about self-reflection, understanding yourself and then ideally if you’re a leader having the ability to spot and support others in the same way.