The Secret Priority That Keeps Us All From TRUSTING

Do you have a clear way of determining who or what to #TRUST?

Many of us THINK we know what we need in order to actually trust others, but we don’t.

We struggle to open up, to be vulnerable, to be fully transparent, to be ourselves.

We get lots of self-help, maybe even therapy.

We claim we’ve made great strides, and then, all of a sudden we collapse.

A slight smirk, a scent, a no-show appointment, and we see our walls coming back up.

More subtly, this time, but up they go.?

We close our hearts, and in the process of protecting ourselves, we miss out on so much LIVING.

Trust is crucial for every single relationship, but we pretend it’s not.

We even have entire career fields built on the expectation that relationships are NOT based on trust, but rather transactional, where there is a “winner” and a “loser”.

Let’s be clear.

This old, scarcity-driven way of ‘doing business’ or even ‘doing relationships’ is on its way out.

But while we’re here, still dealing with it, how do we determine what is worthy of our TRUST?

How do we balance caution and paranoia?

First of all, if we don’t feel #SAFE in our environment, we won’t be able to TRUST.?

And yes, the external environment needs to be SAFE, but first and foremost, our internal environment needs to be safe. We need to feel that all of our vulnerabilities, insecurities AND protective identities are accepted, understood, and respected as valid.

Second, we TRUST when we know that our interests are truly aligned with another’s.

That can be tricky in a world where few tell the truth, but the fact that you’re here, breathing, alive and in action means that your interests are already aligned somewhere. Whatever you call it, God, the Divine, Life’s Intelligence, Source, Self, Higher Self, the Universe… you always have an ally.

Third, we TRUST externally when we TRUST internally and when we have external evidence to support that TRUST.

When we listen to a ‘hunch’, a ‘tell’, a gut feeling, etc, we are demonstrating TRUST in what we KNOW without knowing HOW we know.

When we take inventory of the evidence life superabundantly provides each of us that there is reason to TRUST, we strengthen our ability to do so.

You probably noticed that this definition of TRUST was more general than dealing with individuals.

That’s because this is the foundation upon which TRUST with other people can successfully be bridged.

It goes like this:

1. TRUST yourself

2. TRUST you are supported

3. TRUST others

Sometimes 1 and 2 can be swapped, but 3 must stay in that position otherwise one sets themselves up for disaster.

This is often why cynicism grows in the area of leadership development.

We’re all trying to BEGIN with trusting others, instead of BEGINNING with trusting ourselves and our worthiness.

Low TRUST environments are breeding grounds for cynicism.

Without the foundation of self TRUST, we never are sure who or what to TRUST at any given time (no matter how much we may convince ourselves or others that we DO know).

And yes, from moment to moment, the answer to the question “Who should I trust?” can change.

That’s why dynamic equilibrium, moment-to-moment responsiveness to life flow, eats the oversimplified ‘work-life balance’ concept for breakfast.

What are your thoughts on the criteria you set for who or what to TRUST? Do you see any differences with what I’ve laid out here?

#holistic #leadershipdevelopment #worklifebalance #globalvillagecampus #therealdeboraha