The secret to not giving a f*#k about failure in your career and learning to confidently take on new challenges

By Jack J. Kelly

As a society, we view failure with disdain. We are deathly afraid of failing in our personal life and work-related endeavors. People avoid those who are deemed failures like they have the black plague. Conversely, the public worships and adores the winners who succeed. You can name the football and baseball teams that won the last ten Super Bowls and World Series, respectively, but try to think of the teams that came in sixth or seventh place (okay, it’s not a perfect analogy, but work with me here).

Failure is thought of being only for losers. With this prevailing cultural viewpoint, it is not surprising that people fail to take chances, so they fail before they even start. The idea of failing at something is so petrifying to people that they get locked into inertia and rarely take any chances in life.

Fear of failure rears its ugly head in the interview process for a new job and while pursuing internal career advancement. Too often people are afraid to embark upon a new job search because they fear the rejection that regularly comes along with interviewing. They are afraid to hear that they didn’t perform well in a job interview or that they weren’t chosen for the job. Therefore, they don’t even try. They’ll make excuses like this is not the right time or I’m waiting for such-and-such to happen and claim, “I don’t care for an awesome job that pays way more money and has great career growth.” Similarly, employees are scared to push for advancements, promotions, and raises, as they are afraid that their managers will tell them what they don’t want to hear –you will not receive the raise or promotion. You then go home to your family and feel like a failure.

Don’t worry; I’ll help you change this negative self-defeating mindset!

The reason that I am especially prepared to help you is that I am awesome at failing. In my line of work, as an Executive Recruiter, I fail significantly more than I succeed. People don’t return my calls or they elect not to submit a resume, nor go for an interview. Companies decide not to provide me with the chance to engage in a recruiting assignment on their behalf. Candidates reject offers or take counter offers. Firms decide to go with an internal candidate rather than select one of the many amazing applicants I shared with them. As in my new budding career (do not fret, I am still recruiting – just practicing what I preach, and taking on new additional challenges) as a writer and social media maven, I fail a lot too. I wrote an article that received over 207,000 views with in excess of 20,000 likes comments and shares, and then my next ten pieces barely garner a yawn. Unfortunately, I could go on for pages about my screw-ups, but I think you get the point.

So, here is the secret to not giving a f*#k about failure and not letting the fear of failure scare you from proceeding towards success.

For most of us, we are not getting into the ring to fight MMA champ, Conor McGregor, in which failure would result in brain damage or an extended stay in the hospital. We are not running into a burning fire at an orphanage and trying to rescue the children and carry them out of the firm to safety. Nor are we stationed is some far away land to shoot and get shot at, and possibly killed, by enemy combatants.

Therefore, by comparison, the stress and risk to life and safety while seeking a new job or a promotion at work pales in comparison to these scenarios. Possible embarrassment, discomfort, or rejection is not the end of the world. As opposed to the above, you are more likely to live another day to try again.

Now, to be fair, if you have been out of work for so long that you are desperate, worried about how to pay your mortgage and meet your bills, then you are clearly in a challenging position. If you are in that dire situation, it is understandable to be afraid and anxious. Not to disregard your plight, this article is geared to the 90 percent of our audience that are relatively happy in their jobs, but desire to advance in their career or find a new job. It is a desired goal and their life will not be severely and adversely impacted if these events do not come to fruition. Therefore, the anxiety over interviewing should be muted with a change of mindset. If you get a great new job or promotion, it will be fantastic. If not, it’s not the end of the world. The best-case scenario is that you procure a better job. Worst-case scenario is you expend some time and energy meeting with interesting people, learned how another firm works, make some future networking contacts, and walk away wiser and more informed. I don’t consider that failing, rather it is gaining new knowledge and insights from the experience.

Teach yourself to just shrug off failure. The sun will still rise in the morning if you did not do well in the interview. Your family and friends will still love you if you failed to get the job offer. Why make yourself miserable with the worry and aggravation? All the anxiety in the world doesn’t help; it actually hurts your chances of success. You give it your best shot and if it doesn’t work out, so what? You’ll try again, and again, and again, and again until the right job comes along. If you don’t let it bother you nothing will ever stop you from succeeding. Don’t give a second thought about what other people think or possibly say. Do you even remember the fourth interview you went on after graduating college or any of the people involved? Of course not! Ten years from now you won’t recall the jerk who didn’t hire you for a job you thought you should have easily got. So what! You went on other interviews and found an even better job. If you don’t give a f*&k, it won’t bother you. And you will be excited and confident to take chances and stop being afraid of failure.

Even if you were rudely rejected in the interview process, you will learn something new. Allow me to give you an example: I was preparing a candidate for an interview. He was a little nervous and after some probing questions on my part, he said that his last few interviews did not go so well and could use some help. I applauded him for his candor, as many people, especially men, are reluctant to express their weakness and fears. I offered to do a quick FaceTime video conversation. We went over the areas he felt deficient in. Together, we brainstormed an elevator pitch and practiced answers to basic interview questions. We prepared questions for him when the interviewer asks the “do you have any questions for me” question. I also left him with a homework assignment to practice his pitch, answers to interview questions, and prepare his questions out loud. It usually sounds great in your head, but the first time you say things out loud, it could come out clunky. By repetition and practice, you get more adept at interviewing, increase your confidence, and are more likely to succeed.

So, he didn’t fail at the prior interviews. Instead, it served as a means to learn, improve, and perfect his interviewing skills. They weren’t failed interviews, rather several experiences in which we used the results to fix, tweak, and enhance his presentation for the next time. The supposed failures will absolutely help him succeed in the future.

The same approach can be taken if you are not looking for a job, but seek to advance within your company. If you received a poor yearly review, don’t view it as a failure. Ask your manager to explain why she thought you were deficient and what action plan can you put into place to improve and excel. Once again, by viewing the so-called failure as an experience to help you improve, it may have been the best thing for your career.

Lastly, the law of large numbers will always overcome any short-term failures. If you try something enough times, eventually you will succeed. For instance, if you strategically send out resumes for a large number of jobs that you are qualified for, along with meeting recruiters in your field of expertise, work on your resume and LinkedIn profile, and networking on a regular basis, eventually something will hit.

I see it in my line of work all the time. The joke at the office is that if someone keeps getting turned down by candidates saying no, that it is a good thing since you are one call closer to a yes.

Try this approach in your personal life. For example, if you are single and trying to find someone, you should not feel like you failed if you had a slew of bad dates. If you continually try to meet people through websites, personal introductions, and other means, and don’t give in to pessimism and fear of failure, eventually you will find the perfect partner.

To sum it up, failure is not something to fear. Embrace it, stop worrying, and learn to improve from temporary setbacks, which are only fuel to fire your drive for future successes.

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