The Second Mountain Questions: Exploring Deeper Meaning in Life's Roles and Relationships

Nearly 25 years ago, I traveled from San Jose to Ann Arbor, Michigan, to meet my friend and mentor, Kenneth Anbender, Ph.D. After our meeting, I drove to Mount Pleasant, arriving around 9 o’clock at night. There, while exiting the freeway—a confusing spot where the exit and entrance lanes were adjacent—I collided with another vehicle that was accelerating to 65 mph, while I was traveling at 60 mph. The other driver turned out to be a policeman who happened to be very helpful. Miraculously, I survived this severe accident, which became a major turning point and a wake-up call in my life.

Three days later, I was in San Diego, delivering a talk to a group of coaches that work with Alyssa Freas . I had started my coaching career around 1990, when the industry was just beginning to emerge and she wanted to share my “long” coaching experience and give her a piece of advice or two. During this talk, I introduced the "Four Questions" that had guided me for the previous 12 years:

1. What is my highest purpose, my North Star in life?
2. What is my core incompetence? In other words, where is my foot nailed to the floor?
3. What are my energy triggers that rejuvenate me repeatedly and reliably?
4. What is the most de-energizing factor for me, and what alarm system will keep me aware and active?

These questions formed the foundation of a framework that integrated Indian philosophy, specifically the Shakti framework, into my transformational leadership workshops and coaching sessions for many years link to further information.

Now, in 2024, as I reflect on my 67-year journey through life in various roles—as a son, husband, father, brother, friend, coach, teacher, mentor, and grandfather—I am re-evaluating how these four questions continue to serve me. My friend Dinesh Chandra suggested that the original Four Questions were about "climbing the first mountain," and now it's time to formulate questions for "climbing the second mountain."

After a morning of meditation, while recovering from an illness that left me too weak to even type, I voice-recorded a new set of questions that focus on relationships and real-time interactions, emphasizing what I can contribute rather than what I can gain:

1. Who am I being right now? This question goes beyond my roles or responsibilities and asks about the energy and emotions I bring to each interaction. Am I ensuring that my 'doing/becoming' mode doesn't overshadow my 'being'?
2. Who am I serving? This asks if my questions and answers are self-serving and whether I have a hidden agenda guiding my conversations. I've learned that focusing solely on serving the 'other' is the most authentic approach for me. If I am thinking of mutual benefit, my selfishness is already coloring my conversation and relationship.
3. What value am I offering? How am I contributing to others in ways that leave them with more energy and clarity than before our interaction? Am I measuring the value I offer by my metrics or by theirs?
4. If this is our last conversation, is there anything I need to say to be complete? Treating each conversation as a precious gift from the universe encourages me to share genuinely and meaningfully.

Bonus Question:

1. How did the conversation make me (us) feel? Do I feel a shift in energy, space, and joy? What blocks and issues did I identify to work on myself?

All these questions are very consistent with what is taught in Indian philosophy as well as recent findings from brain research about human development. I will write more about them in another blog. If you see connections with your experience, models that you work with or research that you have done, please share.

For now, these new questions have only been field tested a couple of times, and Dinesh is planning to share them with his group tomorrow. I am eager to see what ripples these questions will create!