Second Guessing Supermoms

The crown and sash of Ms Supermom is a coveted one. Ability to handle multiple roles in an untiring and near perfect way is the primary criteria. Candidates have to be qualified and uber cool. Picture perfect, groomed and well bred. Managing career, home, children and relationships with ease and élan . Excellence should be their creed . After all these are aspiring Supermoms...Right?

Wrong...and near impossible. "Supermoms" aka Working moms often feel overwhelmed with the zillion tasks they take on . Overthinking and worrying about everything - from global warming to school grades. Constantly second guessing their decisions.

"Did I do the right thing in scolding my child?" " Should I have been more strict , lenient, indulgent, disciplinarian, friendly, loving , dominating?" "Should I have ignored the falling grades or should I have gone to the school and met the teacher?" "How did my child learn cuss words, what will everyone think about my parenting?" "Should I attend the meeting or take leave to prepare the kid for exams?"

The intensity of second guessing goes up in certain scenarios, like when a child is sick. "Why did I not see this illness coming?" "Did I do the right thing by sending the child to school/tuition/dance class even when he/she was not feeling fine?"

Kids are quick to sense this. Their brains are wired to spot chinks in the armour . When questioned , a volley of countercharges are fired "Well you did not spend time with me ..how do you expect me to get good grades?" "My bad behaviour is because of you and dad arguing the other day. It has emotionally disturbed me.”?"Even you use cuss words sometimes so why blame us, we learn from you?"

An exasperated Supermom reached the end of her tether. She penned her resignation and declared "Tomorrow I am going to quit my job. I will be there for you full time. Hope that will make us all happy !!" The reaction of her children was totally out of the blue.

Instead of dancing with joy they pleaded , giving a slew of reasons, why she should not quit

" Oh what will you do at home"

?"You will get bored "

"You have worked so hard to reach this stage in your career"

?"We will have no freedom with you around all the time. You will become a helicopter parent!!"

and the most startling one - "You bring in additional income which helps us live so comfortably well, how will we go for exotic holidays and buy all the gizmos if you stop working!!"

She was totally stumped by this volte face . Her kids were talking logic, numbers and economy like corporate pros and she , a trained professional, was being mushy and over emotional. After some serious introspection she changed the narrative and re-wrote the rules of the Supermom game for herself. Her kids followed her lead.

As trained problem solvers and decision makers Supermoms do exceedingly well at work. Using the same skill sets, sensible choices can be made for self and children. Just like at work, responsibilities can be delegated, family members can be trained?and silly slipups can be ignored.

So dear Supermoms .. do NOT aspire for perfection. Instead, live and breathe easy. Create support systems and co-opt people who can help you in your journey, instead of trying to DIY. Remember Murphy's Law - “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong" , so STOP self flagellation. You have already arrived and there is no need for any certifications or proclamations aka the crown and the sash.

Dear World.... A woman who decides to take care of home, hearth and career needs to be facilitated by her family and society. She is a change agent who is upgrading humanity for the better. She is reskilling and reorienting her family members by involving them in shared work and responsibilities. In return she is taking on the world and its challenges .All this without abandoning her key role, as procreator and nurturer of the future generations.

Hail Supermoms !

#supermoms #managingstress #balancing #worklifebalance #womenempowerment#changeagent