Second article: The Fear of Failure

I’m terrified of failure.

I hate it. Kind of like in sports, I hate losing more than I like winning – and that’s a problem!

When I wrote my first article last week, I honestly did not know how it would turn out. I figured that if I got 10, maybe 15 reactions and at most 5 comments, it would be considered a flaming success – let’s just say I got a bit more than that, thank you to everyone who took the time to read and comment! But more than anything, my objective was to be made accountable for my project. Hence the reason why I put it in writing that I would be making an announcement in the coming months, and I still plan on doing so.

But like all projects or important decisions in one’s life, it’s sometimes frightening.

There’s a scene in Game of Thrones where Robb Stark, son of the captive Eddard (Ned) Stark, decides to go to war to free his father and says the now-famous line: “Call the banners.” Whether you’re a fan of the series or not, the conversation that ensues between Robb Stark and his father’s ward, Theon Greyjoy, encapsulates what I believe we all feel when making an important decision, whether it be in business, in your career or in life:

Theon: “Are you afraid?”

Robb: *Seeing his hand shaking* “I must be.”

T: “Good.”

R: “Why is that good?!”

T: “It means you’re not stupid.”

In a sense, whenever you start a project or make any decision, it’s as if you feel like you’re expected to win, to succeed, and when you don’t, it just hurts that much more.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about from your own experiences.

I remember when I got elected as Vice-President of AIESEC HEC, a student association at HEC Montréal, my father came to me and said “Why not president?” Little did he know that I in fact did apply to be president a month earlier and lost the elections – I tried again the next year and got it. He was joking of course and congratulated me, but I just felt I wasn’t up to par. Then again, those standards that he set were also what drove me to be better, to do whatever it took to be the best version of myself and in retrospect, I am more than thankful that he said that. He always told me that “there will always be someone smarter, faster, or stronger than you. But don’t ever let them outwork you.”

So what does working mean? How does it tie into success or failure?

To me, that just taught me that “if you Fail to Plan, you Plan to Fail.” Now I don’t mean coming up with some grandiose plan to succeed, but just those little steps to help you attain your objective. Each small step, each small win counts, because they eventually accumulate to make a big step or a big win.

However, even if you plan, sometimes you fail. And that’s okay.

There’s a saying that goes “the person who’s only known success in his or her life has never learned anything.” If you’ve read my previous article, I mentioned Gary Vaynerchuk saying that it wasn’t about your first post – which is probably gonna suck – it’s about the next one, and the one after that. The point is to learn: learn what works, learn what doesn’t, and do better moving forward.

I feel we sometimes cower behind the fear of failure and don’t take action – an understandable reaction. For example, with my project, am I afraid of failing? You bet I am. I fear not living up to the expectations I’ve put on myself. But that lasts about ten seconds and then I tell myself “Aah f*ck it, let’s just do it. We’ll see where it goes. Nobody’s gonna die from it anyway.”

Truth is, I’ve already failed a gazillion times. What’s one more failure? It’s just one more opportunity to learn.

I’ve once told my 10-years younger sister “why do we fall? To get back up. And why do we make mistakes? To learn from them.” (I just hope I did a decent job of leading by example) Hell, even the great Michael Jordan failed. He said: “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot, and missed. I’ve failed over, and over, and over again in my life.

And that is why I succeed.”

(Fine, it was an advert, but still.)

So let us not allow the fear of failure to paralyze us - at very worst, we'll have learned valuable lessons and come out stronger and wiser. Let us use it as fuel – anything that is worth pursuing is scary, and that's fine. And let us overcome it so that we can achieve greatness - because we all have that potential, all we need to do is tap into it.

After all, “the greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.”