A Seat at the Table: First, Learn the Menu

In response to the idea of securing a "seat at the table" but feeling sidelined, a thoughtful counterargument emerges: perhaps the seat is not immediately intended for feasting. Instead, it could be an opportunity to observe, learn, and refine your approach before fully indulging. There is wisdom in this perspective, particularly when viewed through the lens of intergenerational dynamics and the nuanced relationship between knowledge and experience.

It is true that many tables we aspire to join are governed by unwritten rules, shaped by long-standing traditions, and dominated by individuals with years of insight and experience. These tables, while promising inclusion, can also serve as training grounds. In these spaces, you may find yourself surrounded by those who have spent years mastering the art of influence and decision-making. They have navigated challenges, discovered shortcuts, and learned lessons that are not immediately obvious to those new to the table. In this sense, the initial experience of having a seat but not a voice may actually be an invaluable phase of learning, and that begins with:

Learning the Table Manners

Just as in fine dining, every table has its own set of "manners"—rules, protocols, and customs that dictate how decisions are made, and influence is wielded. Sitting at the table without immediately speaking or contributing does not necessarily mean you are being sidelined. It can mean you are being afforded the rare opportunity to learn the lay of the land. While your ideas might be valid, implementing them requires an understanding of the dynamics at play: the power structures, the nuances of interpersonal relationships, and the subtleties that dictate the rhythm of the conversation.

The metaphorical seat, therefore, could be a powerful vantage point from which to observe. Elders, those who have already made their mark, hold not just the knowledge of "how things are done" but the wisdom of why certain paths were taken, and when to break from the established norms. They know the "exceptions to the rules"—the shortcuts and the dangers that are not always apparent to the unseasoned eye.

Cultivating Patience and Timing

This perspective emphasizes patience. There is value in listening before speaking, observing before acting, and learning before leading. The discomfort of not immediately being heard can be mitigated by the realisation that, in time, your voice will carry more weight once it is informed by experience. It is not necessarily a sign that your voice is being silenced; rather, it may be a process of gradual inclusion, where your contributions are valued more as you show mastery over the table’s language and unspoken rules.

The saying "the youth know the rules, but the elders know the exceptions" is a profound reminder that charisma and fresh ideas, while important, need to be tempered by the wisdom of experience. The ability to balance innovation with tradition, and enthusiasm with patience, often defines true leadership.

From Apprentice to Master Chef

Imagine the table as a kitchen and yourself as an apprentice chef. The chef does not allow you to cook a full course meal on your first day in the kitchen. Instead, you are there to watch, understand how ingredients are sourced, and how dishes are prepared. You might begin by chopping vegetables, but over time, you graduate to mastering sauces and eventually creating your own dishes. The seat at the table is your chance to learn the techniques and insights that will make you a master in your own right.

This process of learning from those who came before you, observing their methods and understanding their strategies, is not a limitation. It is an initiation into the complex world of leadership, strategy, and influence. Over time, what may seem like an empty seat becomes a well-earned position of power, and eventually, you will not just eat at the table—you will shape the menu.

Crafting Your Own Table

Of course, there will come a time when the table no longer suits you, or when you have learned all you can from those who currently occupy the seats. At that point, the knowledge and experience you have acquired will empower you to create your own table. A table where your voice is not only heard but respected—a place where your ideas are implemented, and your leadership shapes the future.

The initial experience of sitting quietly, learning the unspoken rules, and absorbing the wisdom of those who have walked the path before you is not in vain. It is a crucial part of the journey. As you eventually set out to create your own space, you do so with the knowledge, skills, and insight that enable you to lead more effectively and inclusively.

In the grand narrative of growth and leadership, sometimes the greatest lessons are learned in silence. Watching how the chef sources ingredients and perfects the dish teaches you far more than rushing to the stove without preparation. By the time they serve dessert, you will be having your starter, as you have seen how the chef prepares the food and where he sources his ingredients.

So, while the seat at the table may not always come with an immediate feast, it does come with an invaluable opportunity. The question then becomes, not just “when will you eat?”, but “how will you feast when your time comes?”, Afterall, Timing Is Everything.