Is A Seat At The Table Enough?

While we are in the Women's Day month, I thought this talk by Lily Singh at TEDWomen in December last year is quite a relevant one!

Lily is a Canadian comedian and YouTuber with billions of views on her channel. And even though she has broken gender rules with her success, her journey isn't devoid of gender inequality, albeit more tacitly.

In the talk, she challenges the complacent goal women aspire to - a seat at the table - and proves how that's not really enough.

BEING BORN FEMALE IS A DISADVANTAGE

She starts with the disadvantage she was born with - "being assigned female at birth" - something that girls experience across cultures and countries. (I know a bit about this because I was also expected be a boy!)

Her pursuit to beat the disadvantage of being a girl led her to become a YouTuber. And despite thousands of videos and billions of views, changing one point of view - her grand father's - that being a girl isn't a disadvantage is one of her shining moments.

BEING ON LATE NIGHT SHOW

The real turning point came when she got the really late night show. She thought she finally had a seat at the table. But little did she know that she was going up against "the most notorious boys' club in late night television". The 1.30 am slot did not do her any favours either.

A SEAT AT THE TABLE ISN'T ENOUGH

The rest of her talk debunks the myth that getting a seat at the table is the definition of success. It's not!

It's like getting to see what happens after the happy ending of a movie. We are made to believe the union of the love birds is the end - but real life starts only after that.

I love how she challenges the ultimate definitions we have set for women's success - that being invited to be a part of the table is the end of it all.

The chair could be wobbly or have splinters or be put against a table that wasn't built for women in the first place.

Her solution - build better tables!!

And she goes on to offer solutions to a problem she calls - how to build a table that doesn't suck!

GRATITUDE IS NOT A CURRENCY

The representation of women is so poor at most tables of importance that we are all grateful just to be a part of it. But here's the problem:

"A woman shouldn't be grateful to sit at a table. She should be paid to sit at a table"

Women have as much right to be a part of important conversations as men and it's not a favour to include them. So the tables we should build now should be keeping in mind that the women will join in too.

"PROVE-IT-AGAIN" BIAS

While men get a seat based just on their potential, women have to go through the "prove it again" bias to show that they are indeed worthy of a seat. And this happens every time a woman wants a seat.

The solution is to give her an equal seat to begin with and consider her worthy of it.

I think this will be the beginning of true equality among the genders.

GET RID OF THE SCARCITY MINDSET

And this for all the women!

Apart from the gender and power struggles created by the existence of the 2 sexes, I strongly believe that women can be the worst enemies of their own species. And I love that Lily addresses this in her talk.

If more than one woman turns up at a table, they tend to compete with each other. She says -don't fight just for your seat. Instead, create multiple seats. It's always more powerful for "us" to be sitting at the table rather than just "me".

We need to get rid of the scarcity mindset and champion each other.

He talk ends with the message: We need to aim at a future with longer tables and more seats. Diversity always brings in multiple points of view and that's how we learn and get better.

This year if we truly mean to #breakabias and make a difference - we need to do just that. Don't invite women as a token presence at tables. Let's not include them as a charade for diversity. Let's not have so little room for women that they have to compete with each other.

And as Lily says, building better tables is something that 'everyone" can help in doing. So inequality is your problem whether you are a man, or a woman who already has a seat at the table. Our active participation today will pave the way to ensure an equal world for the girls of the next generation.

Also, let's not forget that women can be the biggest champions of each other. So let's go out there and make more room at the table for more of us!

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