Seasons of Life

“Seasons of life my friend! You can’t force a season to change just because you don’t like it. Nor can you hold on to a season forever just because it’s your favorite. You must follow the seasons whenever they naturally change.”

After living internationally for the past decade, with the last eight-years being in the same school community, I’ve shared this advice with endless students and colleagues as they prepare to move on. Seeing heads nod in approval; having long discussions about transition theory; brainstorming practical closure/RAFT activities – these things always made it seem like stepping into the next season could be practical, if not easy, as long as you take the necessary steps to prepare. However, like most things in life, it’s one thing to talk the talk, but what happens when it’s time to personally walk the walk??

Knowing something in theory is often totally separate from being able to apply that knowledge in reality. Ultimately, that is where I found myself recently when reflecting on how I was approaching seasons in my life. Each Autumn, when having to make a decision about future career/life decisions, I typically find myself turning on the same classic song by The Clash – arriving at the chorus I belt out the lyrics, “Should I stay or should I go now!?”. For eight years running, I eventually end up at the same conclusion: to stay (knowing that “if I go there will be trouble, and if I stay it will be double”).

After years of being under-employed, the new guy, or not having meaningful relationships with the people I worked with, I found a true home when I arrived in Suzhou. Everything seemed amazing: the city, the students, the staff, being part of a network of schools, professional development opportunities, starting a family, the ability to travel, saving potential – you name it, I felt extremely blessed to have it. I’d often say if I ever lost my passion in my current role, that it would be in the best interest for the school, and me personally, to move on - that would be the evidence I needed to suggest a seasonal change was required. However, what I failed to recognize is that I never considered other possible signs that a change of seasons was afoot.

For me, I often solely focus on the here and now, missing the cues of approaching change. This is evidenced by one of my favorite movie quotes, as spoken by Master Oogway in Kung Fu Panda (I get to hear it over and over again recently, as my kids are watching it constantly as of late): “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift... that's why they call it present.”

While that quote is awesome and is rooted in truth, I believe it helps to highlight my failure to zoom out on occasion to gain a larger perspective on life. Perhaps it’s the continual stresses of the Covid restrictions here in China; maybe I became too focused on ensuring we had certain comforts of life; or most importantly maybe I found that I was finally accepted as being a valued member of a community, and that I wasn’t willing to give up on how that met my deep-down psychological need for approval (which is a whole separate issue that I’m working through!). Having invested nearly eight-years in one place, it’s likely that the feeling of trust and affirmation that I received blinded me to my own advice: You can’t hold onto a season forever just because it’s your favorite.

I believe we all fundamentally need to have these occasional realization moments. Recently, with my vision clearing and my senses returning, I found that I’m currently in the middle of a Winter season – without the proper protective equipment! Looking around, I could still try to bitterly hold on to what I’ve enjoyed for myself and my family… Or, I could follow the advice I’ve given to others ad nauseam: go with the flow of seasonal change.?

So, even though my heart feels a sense of grief right now for what I’ll be leaving in the near future, I’m also so privileged and thankful to know that a new Spring is approaching. Having grown up in Western New York, harsh winters were the norm. However, with new life sprouting everywhere, Spring has always been my favorite season! Observing as things begin to thaw, I look forward to seeing what’s aspects of my life have been hidden during the height of my winter blizzards.?

Understanding that many others have experienced this process of change before me, and countless will follow after me, I take heart in knowing that I’m moving unwaveringly toward my next season. I’m attuned to my senses again, and while having zero idea of what is next to come in my personal and professional life, I can truly see the flower-bulbs starting to bloom.

In closing, my parting encouragement would be to try to let go of the natural need to control everything about your future direction. Give yourself permission to travel fluidly through seasons of life with a sense of coddiwomple: to travel purposefully toward an as-yet-unknown destination.?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

?Further Resources:

In looking at your personal circumstances, how can you know when the seasons are changing? Truthfully, maybe you won’t be able to see that right away. However, I sincerely hope that you can see when Winter storms are approaching; that you feel the excitement and warmth of new opportunities during Spring growth; that your Summers are long and full of joyful memories; and that your Autumn is colorful – highlighting the changes to come and giving time to prepare for the upcoming cold on the horizon.

?In considering additional resources, it may help to consider the following:

Ask yourself?

1. “Am I where I’m supposed to be?”
2. “Are there other personal signs that seasonal changes are on the horizon?”
3. “How do I really feel about my current season? Am I ready for a change, or do I need to hold-fast?
4. “Do I have authentic people in my life that can help to be a sounding board?“

Take some time to reflect on your positive attributes. Let your identity reside in your strengths and remind yourself “Where you are is not who you are.”

Other resources on Seasons of Life:

• Book: The Seasons of Life, by Jim Rohn (1981)
• Blog: The 4 Seasons of Life
• Youtube: The Seasons of Life (Mindfulness activity by Eddie Pinero)