A Seasoned Guide to Not Being Cringe: Understanding Your Gen Z and Millennial Kids Without Making Them Die Inside

Listen up, fellow seasoned souls who remember life before color TV. As someone who's lived through everything from rotary phones to whatever TikTok is supposed to be, I've spent years observing my kids (and now employees) while managing young people who think the 90s are "vintage." Here's your guide to navigating the generational divide without making everyone want to crawl into a hole from secondhand embarrassment.

First Things First: Embrace Your Era

Let's get this out of the way: nothing makes you look more out of touch than pretending to be in touch. The moment you say, "no cap" or "slay," your kids are already texting their friends about how you're "doing that thing again." Don't try to be hip; we're from the era when "hip" was actually hip, and look how that turned out.

The Sacred Art of Communication

Remember when we thought long-distance calls were revolutionary? These kids think a phone call is an act of aggression. Here's a quick guide:

• If it's urgent, text them
• If it's very urgent, text them again
• If it's work-related, something called Slack (no, not slacking off—it's an app)
• If you're emailing them, they'll see it somewhere between next week and never

And please, stop signing your texts with "Love, Dad." They know it's you—your contact information is saved on their phone (probably with a dinosaur emoji).

Understanding Their Work Philosophy

When we were young, we believed in staying with one company for 40 years and getting a gold watch. They believe in something called "quiet quitting," which isn't actually quitting but rather doing precisely what they're paid to do and nothing more. Revolutionary, isn't it?

Here's the thing: they're not lazy. They're efficient. When your millennial employee finishes their work in four hours instead of eight, that's not a sign they need more work—it's a sign they've figured out how to automate their job while you're still trying to remember which button turns on the printer.

Money Matters

Stop telling them to "just save" when a starter home costs what our entire neighborhood cost in 1960. Yes, they spend $7 on coffee. No, that's not why they can't afford a house. Their financial priorities might seem strange (what do you mean you're investing in digital money?), but remember: we thought a pan collection would be a solid investment.

The Technology Gap

Just because they can fix your computer doesn't mean they want to be your personal IT department. Every time you ask them to help with your printer, they lose a little faith in humanity. Here's a revolutionary idea: try YouTube tutorials first. That's where they learned everything anyway.

Also, stop printing your emails so you can read them later. Trees everywhere are crying.

Social Media Etiquette

Your grandkids don't want to be Facebook friends with you. It's not personal; they just don't want you commenting, "WHO IS THIS YOUNG MAN IN YOUR PHOTO? AUNTIE HAS BRONCHITIS" on every post. Also, please stop sharing those "Copy and paste this, or Bill Gates will delete your account" messages. They're not real, and your kids are losing sleep over your online gullibility.

The Great Work-From-Home Debate

Yes, they can be productive without wearing a tie or pantyhose. No, they don't need to "show face" at the office to prove they're working. If anything, they're probably more productive at home because they don't have to pretend to care about someone's detailed weekend weather report by the water cooler.

Final Words of Wisdom

Remember: Every generation thinks the next one is doing everything wrong. Our parents thought television would rot our brains. We thought rock and roll was a passing fad. Now we're watching our grandkids make more money from posting dance videos than we made in our first decade of work.

The key is to embrace the differences. They might roll their eyes at our landlines and paper maps, but they also might have some pretty good ideas about how to do things differently. And hey, at least they can teach us how to use video calls to see our great-grandchildren.

Just remember: the more you try to prove you're not out of touch, the more out of touch you appear. Own your stories about walking uphill both ways to school. Embrace your confusion about cryptocurrency. Being authentically yourself is way better than trying to be someone you're not.

And if all else fails, just nod and say, "that's valid." Apparently, that works for everything now.

P.S. - Yes, I know some of you reading this are Boomers, Gen X, or any other generation. The truth is, if you're old enough to be confused by TikTok dances, this guide is for you.