Season 5, Chapter 2: "The Classified Adventures of Owl"-in which Owl returns to the NZ Bush from the Great Hegemonic Owl Conflict and has an Owlet

A Bedtime Story for Adults:

Story so far:

Owl of O.W.L. (Owl Woo-Woo unLimited) has averted the End of the World after the Space Rubbish Bag of The Empress almost dropped on the NZ Bush.

His planned supersonic attack (with the help of the Heavy Falcon and The Marschallin's Ex, El Grande Manchegot) was not needed to take out the garbage after all since the Old Bag self-combusted. Doing nothing is Owl's best strategy!

Meanwhile our rascally, rapacious rapscallion and covert operative from Down Under is on another hiatus called AWOL (Owl Without Limits) after an International Mercy Mission to the Great Hegemonic Owl in the Million Acre Bush. He has digested enough rats n' mice to last a lifetime and yearns for the 100% Pure NZ Bush (aka The Hundred Acre Wood) and to be at the side of his lady-love Belle Epoque (athene noctua) who is supposed to be guarding their Egg. In fact, she has joined the infamous #metoowittoowoo movement at the invitation of Brown Owl, the Head of the Hundred Acre Wood.

Owl: Too woo! Where are you, my runny hunny yolk-ey-poke-y? Where are you hiding, my porcelain pretty? What are you up too, my gorgeous tame little Owlsie-wowlsie? Mmmm, this is suspicious. When my back is turned methinks my light o'love has gone a' too-wit-too-wooing.

But the Jacinda Egg-cubator is actually being guarded by Space-officers of the Wood.

Owl: Attenshun! Where is my lady-love? Why isn't she sitting prettily on my egg? When the Owl's away the Belle will play!

Suddenly, the Jacinda Egg's lid pops open and out emerges a sleepy owlet who looks very like Owl.

Owl: Hiha aroha, my fluffy chick and heiress. You are the future of this fine country of ours. I wish to thank you, Winston and Kelvin, our devoted Storm troopers, for removing my chick from its cage.

Owlet (squeaking softly): Are you my Mother?

Owl (to self- mmmm, she's got my eyes): No dear one, I'm your Daddy and Trainer. You'll be coming on Mini-Missions with me soon. We just have to get those wings of yours working well and we'll be a double-act in the Circus of Life!

We just need to find your mother first and interrogate her.

Belle Epoque: Sheath your claws, Owl my Pet and Child-Man! This could be our very first fight. I've been with Brown Owl our Liege-Lady, MEGA-Virgin and your boss! She doesn't know you're back yet.

Owl: Well, don't you be the one to tell her. I'm on a hiatus from responsibility!

Belle Epoque (sc-owl-ing & sulking): You really don't care, do U? Well, she's too young to fly Missions with you. You'll both be staying home in the Wood with me for a while.

Owl: Ok, ok. I'm sick and tired of the Great Hegemonic Owl Conflict and Great Game of Perches. But I have to have a part-time mission. I must look up Nestor the Kea. I left him behind somewhere in the 1st season and I think he might still be with Lyin' Traitor Chief Barney Owl over the Great Plain of Hooting. Friendship is everything and I've abandoned him.

Belle Epoque: Go if you must, Owl my lovebird. But don't expect me and our owlet to be waiting when you return. You must choose - and we must choose a name. I suggest Leafy Green.

Owl: Mmmm, ahmm, errr, I had thought Brownie Owl....... Tell you what, you get to choose the name and I get to choose whether I go or stay with a right of return. Howzat?

Belle Epoque: Owl, once again you're too sly and swift for me. 100% Leafy Green it is. Now get out of my way, I'm busy with #metoowittoowoo. I've been recruited by Brown Owl and I'm dishing the dirt on DSK, Horny Owl's Maitre D at the Hotel Nouveau Riche in Paris, from my time as a chambermaid. His sins are coming home to roost!

Owl: Well, ma cherie, enough roosting-time for moi. I need to find Nestor the Kea my old side-kick. He and me can torment Barney and have some kicks before my leave ends. I'm going to hide out from Brown Owl. Toodle-hoo. Bye, Leafy. Clap claws? I'll see you when you're more fun and can learn to fly. I'll leave your mother to do the dirty work. I'll be up to some old dirty tricks of my own.

Cut to the Great Plain of Hooting where Barney and Kea are tearing up car tires on the Desert Road in the snow

Kea: (humming happily) Well, me 'ole prisoner and komrade, there's lots more tires to get through today so get cracking! Or you'll be back to breaking rocks with your beak.

Owl swoops in suddenly.

Owl: Howdy, Friend and Frenemy!

Nestor the Kea (continuing to strip and peck tyres): By a Tatty Old Tyre, Owl, where have yoo been?

Barney (gruffly): Hello Owl. Fair cop. No hard feelings. What's the gig?

By Keith Weller/USDA (www.ars.usda.gov: Image Number K5176-3) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Owl to Barney: Well, you're a traitor to The Hundred Acre Wood but.......hey well, you went quietly when I dropped you off mid-flight on the Desert Road in the middle of nowhere in the Great Plain of Hooting. And I do need your assistance - both of you. On our safe return you might be able to cut a deal with Moo-lah the Special Cow-nsel.

What is Owl really up to?

Next week: Owl collects his Team together, Owls Fourteen and Finds a Mission for the Hell of it!

Photos: by Pixabay, PublicDomainPictures and Wikipedia Commons

Pamela is an Auckland writer and a 2nd year Masters Student (in Conflict and Terrorism Studies). She is writing a dissertation on Narratives in Information Warfare and is a former lawyer, psychotherapist and executive coach.

She loves owls, ballet, black cats, hot air balloons, witches and wizards, carnivals, carousels, circuses, bals masque, Fiat cars, surrealism, Mozart, opera, dragons, cheongsams, sky rockets, turkish delight, riding on her broomstick and travelling in her imagination.