IN SEARCH OF PURPOSE

What Are Your Values?

Indeed, WHAT THE H*LL ARE “VALUES”?

To be very honest with you I had never even considered this question, or even the word, “VALUES” before. The first time it was brought to my attention was a podcast, vodcast?, from Cal Newport of productivity fame, on his YouTube channel, (which I cannot recommend highly enough).

Mr. Newport (Dr. though he doesn’t wave his PHD around) was discussing: HOW TO REINVENT YOUR LIFE…and he starts with a pyramid structure. The triangle being the most stable of all structures, (which as a mathematician I am sure played a part in his choice of metaphor for the restructuring of our lives towards a more meaningful life). Not to mention, the 4 step pyramid in Ecology is called the Pyramid of ENERGY.

The base of the pyramid was DISCIPLINE. In other words, the set up for success by the creation of HABITS, all caps, as they are LIFE AFFIRMING habits, rather than the mindless drift that we too often live our lives by. We will return to the base of the stack in a future article.

Today we focus on the second step of the pyramid that stopped me cold, as I had no answer, nor at the time could I conceive of an answer.

"VALUES", all caps.

So, what are your values? Have you ever even thought about it? And: How do our values play a pivotal role in our uncovering purpose journey?

The journey towards a life we won’t want to escape.

The best way I can prompt you to determine your values is to ask yourself what activities, persons, or things you consider most important to your life. Something you would fight for, something that disturbs you in others if you find it absent.

If you look for prompts to find your values online, they tend to go the way of the positive. Asking you to consider times when you felt most fulfilled, happiest, successful. I didn’t find that helpful at all, I came out with values that were soft, fuzzy and didn’t really resonate with me. Perhaps they were “How I wished to be”, rather than who I am right now.

So, I will tell you how I determined my own values and how I advise you to go about it.

Values are things that you personally hold to be of great worth. Fundamental. And the key, something you would fight for.

If you like me, are stumped by the quest for your values (because we live them, not speak of them). I suggest that you look at times of pure ANGER or RAGE.

What made you angry and why??

If you have dumped some “friends or relatives” recently, cut off communication with an ex, quit a job, look there for your boundary violation, which will tell you something about that which you highly prize.

Enemies or haters, serve a purpose. They tell you the point beyond which you are not willing to go…your VALUES.

Bad boss, excellent. Crappy relationship history, even better. Can’t stand your job, my dear you have the answers at your fingertips.

All you have to do is ask yourself; WHY?

Usually, there are about 7-10 core values that can get you acting crazy in the right situation.

Personally; Peace is a core value of mine (hard rock, rap, metal, whatever is OUT, so too is shouting and screaming); Truth is another (not mine or yours but based on reality); and Loyalty (the faithless are not for me, yet I understand that survival is a primary motivation of all living creatures), those would be my top 3, but there are others.

Each one of the previously mentioned has either cost me something, or had me acting like a crazy person, Snapped anyone??

Values COST.

They are not things you profess but must be expressed outwardly, indeed are expressed outwardly though we are seldom aware.

Now you are working on your list, I will bring it back to why it is essential that we identify our values if we are to find and live our purpose.

First like values, PURPOSE COSTS.

Ask any artist, writer, entrepreneur, and they will tell you that the struggle is REAL.

To live a purposeful life of meaning is to act in service of what you value. We all live in the service of something, but it is often unconscious and adopted, rather than chosen and acknowledged.

If we don’t reorientate our lives towards these values as Simon Sinek would put it; "YOUR WHY", all caps, we are very much like a rudderless ship, pushed and pulled by forces external to us. Ever reacting, never really acting.

Values are loyalty in ACTION. Regardless of the obstacles or challenges we act to affirm them. It is the essence of INTEGRITY or AUTHENTICITY, the essence of being your own hero.

Values then provide clarity for the next stages of our search for our purpose. They will determine what you say YES to, and make it so much easier to say NO, clearly and firmly.

You will not be able to find your JOY and your PURPOSE, all caps, until you align your life with your core values.

You will not be happy working for anyone, or work on anything, that doesn’t align or affirm these values. You won’t find real friends, a life partner, until you figure out your own personal values and find people with similar or complementary values.

I will leave you with a couple of scenarios.

Scenario 1, let’s say you are a lawyer who truly values fairness, but works for an employer who is focused on client retention and the bottom line above all things, regardless of the quality of the client. I don’t need to go further; you can see how this will cause all kinds of stress for our intrepid lawyer. Yet they need not quit the law or quit a large paycheck. They just need to work for someone who is more discerning in their clients, start their own firm, or switch law specialty.

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Scenario 2, You are thinking about proposing to your partner, but you want to press on with your career first before thinking about starting a family. She/he is already buying a crib…CONFLICT and disillusion are 5 seconds away.

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Scenario 3, You have an idea for a business, it’s a good idea and you are looking for a co-founder. You think you may have hit a match, BUT though they are skilled in their field, from the outset they want to build to sell, and you want to build for legacy…FRICTION and BLOW UP are inevitable.

I could go on, but we will leave it here, with you asking…WHAT DO I TRULY GIVE VALUE TO? And HOW CAN I REORIENTATE MY LIFE TOWARDS THOSE THINGS?

Our first 2 questions on our quest for PURPOSE:

1.????? WHO AM I?

2.???? WHAT ARE MY VALUES?

Next article will discuss the Japanese Philosophy of Ikigai, which I think many have over simplified and therefore lost the essence of. It is not simply a bull’s eye in the middle of a Ven diagram.

Do follow along if you are on the quest. I would love to have your feed back, where are you on your own personal journey?

I am curious to hear if you've ever even considered your values before, IS IT JUST ME??

If you are interested in a private 1:1 session to discover how we can work together, please feel free to DM me, or email me at [email protected] to book your session.

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