In Search of Perfection – The Perfect Paradox

It feels fitting, Mental Health Awareness Week; and my 4th week back to work after my own battle with mental health in the form of Chronic & Habitual Burnout – turns out it’s sadly common thing and I have been exploring the reasons why it might happen.?

Being back ?JOYFULLY ? in the seat of recruitment and chatting to and reconnecting with lots of great people and one of my musings has been around the prevalence of the search for perfection – both from candidates and from employers and businesses.

?I recently-ish had a really thought-provoking conversation with one of my most lovely contacts which I have reflected on an awful lot since.? She related a frustrating story of a young, relatively recently graduated marketing exec who they managed and who’d been in place for about 4 months, and who genuinely believed that it was her absolute RIGHT to love her job ALL the time.? That if she had a couple of bad days, that the job was wrong, the culture was toxic, and all the people involved were out to get her.

This seems to be a fairly common feeling and I would lay a lot of ‘blame’ at the feet of social media.?

Bearing in mind, she was of the generation where social media had become really prevalent and mainstream and no doubt, she and so many people like her were watching all of the insta stories of their friends, colleagues, peers and random people they ‘follow’ posting about #LoveMyJob #BestJobEver #BestJobInTheWorld #Blessed and likely being shown the absolute perfect view of employers too.?

Is it a surprise that she was disappointed when she hit the real world?

Sadly though, this mentality highlights a really concerning trend where many expect constant perfection and happiness in their careers (and everything else) and the pressure feels like failure when this unrealistic expectation just doesn’t happen – because LIFE, in the most part, simply doesn’t work like that.? And THIS, I feel, is putting an inadvertent amount of pressure on them, (not to mention their employers) which is leading to them jumping ship, then again, and again, and then being labelled as ‘jumpy’ further fueling insecurities and compacting their perception of failure. ?

Heck, if you have a job which you really like and enjoy some of the time, is pretty average most of the time, and which is reasonably secure, and which pays you a reasonable salary then you’re probably doing ok!

I love my husband and kids – truly – with all my heart, but sometimes they are actually quite hard to like!? Does this mean I should throw in the towel, get an immediate divorce and put the kids up for adoption?? Can’t lie and say the thought doesn’t occasionally cross my mind ?? (of course I jest) BUT no, because that’s the balance – you can’t have the amazing days without the shitty ones too – life is a bit about polarity really.?

Let’s swing the perspective the other way, to the employers.? Businesses have been on a journey themselves, post COVID but even before then and many have been literally fighting for survival, particularly but not exclusively SMEs, often still owner operated/involved, possibly recently backed but with literal blood, sweat, tears embedded in the fibers of the business and who are doing their best (not always in the right way, but mistakes are allowed, right?) to make a little bit of a profit and if nothing else, just not lose too much.

They’re on the search for “That Perfect Candidate” – that silver bullet who will solve all their problems.? They’ll showcase themselves in the best possible light during the interview process – it’s all unicorns and rainbows and ‘we’re a fabulous team’ with no issues and no cracks and this will absolutely be your #BestJobEver and you’ll be #MakingAnImpact from the get-go. They run their recruitment process, disregarding said ‘jumpy’ applicants and those who haven’t had the volume/brand exposure or who live a bit further out that they’d like or who are the wrong ‘culture fit’.?

Eventually they find themselves the person who they think will be perfect – and they have HUGE expectations of said ‘lucky candidate’ to perform from day one, despite quite widely not having much in the way of an onboarding/induction/training/supporting process – and then find themselves disappointed that in fact this silver bullet actually probably does have a few flaws and development areas and find themselves looking to let them go within weeks or months, both employer and candidate now feeling burnt – again - perpetuating this cycle of disappointment and heightened expectations on BOTH sides. ?

(I am MASSIVELY generalizing here, and I know that so many awesome businesses have ramped up their people experience to improve this, but there are still SO many horror stories)

?This cycle is SO detrimental to both individuals and organizations, leading to high turnover rates, strained relationships, damaged reputations and ultimately drastically impacting mental health in the workplace.

?Stage one of Burnout – commonly referred to as the Honeymoon Phase – where everything is new and exciting and you’re getting a great deal out of it.? The kind of feeling you get from starting a new job! BUT constantly searching for “the perfect job” which doesn’t exist and throwing in the towel if you have a bad day will lead you straight down a road of self-deprecation and a misplaced feeling of failure….

I don’t have the solution; I wish I did.?

Is there a solution??

There is a fine balance between pushing through what may be as simple as teething problems and the pretty average to really shocking days which, let’s be honest are a very large part of this crazy little thing called life; and putting up with the actuality of ‘really bad’ – which is unfortunately out there and I am absolutely not advocating putting up with toxic environments or intentionally poor performers.

Perhaps it’s a resilience thing.? Maybe a communication thing.? Maybe a reality check and a conscious effort from EVERYONE to stop #LivingMyBestLife all over social media and actually showing up and talking about the mundane, boring days and actually those day where you want to say F*CK IT and throw the towel in; and focus instead on how to dig deep when it gets hard, how to navigate through it when it doesn’t go according to plan and how to actually enjoy the learning of the mistakes along the way.?

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In a nutshell, stop portraying things like they’re perfect.? This goes for clients and candidates.?

You WILL have bad days.?

Quick fixes and 'perfect' are almost impossible, and almost certainly built on weak foundations.?As the saying goes, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Almost nothing will be exactly as you imagined and manifested it, and even if it is, you will still have mundane and sh*tty days.? And even those folk who #LoveMyJob I can guarantee will actually REALLY not love their job for a lot of those days.?

I know I do. ?And that’s ok.? ???

I’d love to hear your opinions. ?

Kerry x