In search of extreme fulfillment

Fulfillment. We all seek it. Where to find it? How to find it? How to define it? And what about extreme fulfillment? Can there even be degrees of fulfillment? 

I argue yes that there is extreme fulfillment and I offer a framework for you to define it FOR YOU and how to get there if, like most people, you are not there.

From “you suck at” to “I suck at”

Years ago, my mentor struggled in our discussion to help me see that I simply was not good at something I was really passionate about. That was hard. He explained something to the effect that there are indeed things that we can improve if we apply ourselves but that we need to appreciate that there are things that we will never be good at no matter how much effort we put into it. That was a hard message for, at the time, an 8 year partner in the world’s largest professional services firm who has had, by many standards, a very successful career in the organization. Understanding, accepting and even (yes!) admitting to others that you are not good at something can be liberating. 

It has taken me years to fully understand my mentor’s comments. Contemplating this one interaction and connecting the dots with, yes believe it or not, a stand-up comedy routine, pre-marital class, a book I have read, a Japanese concept and Deloitte’s new performance management system “Reinvented Performance Model” (“RPM”) I think now helps me understand how I can better help people have rewarding careers and perhaps apply this same framework to their personal lives.

Identify and leverage your strengths

One key element of Deloitte’s new performance management system, RPM, is that our people should seek to understand their “Strengths” and try to increase the amount of time and effort on their “Strengths” as opposed to trying to “fix” their development areas. This in and of itself does not appear revolutionary as any 360 assessment will tell you the same thing: “focus on improving what you do well and do not focus on your development areas unless your scores are so low that they are truly problematic.” Many people are familiar with the term the “Gretsky Principal” which basically says the same thing – do not focus on your relatively small size but instead focus on the fact that you are the fastest, most nimble and have the best view of the ice at any given moment.

Seek high challenge and high skill activities

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a prominent psychologist, wrote Flow: the Psychology of Optimal Experience, describing his assertion that the state of Flow for any activity is described as optimal experience and achieved when there is both a high degree of skill and a high degree of challenge. 

A friend who is a pilot introduced me to the concept of Flow when he explained that he achieved Flow on his United Nations missions in Afghanistan where he needed to thread the needle between mountain ranges and land on very short runways – the precision required was astounding but he had the skill set to safely perform the difficult missions. 

I believe that we can all use the Flow diagram to map out the various things we do throughout the day. Do you ever achieve Flow in your day? What things do you do that are in the boredom zone? What things in the anxiety zone? The Flow diagram provides an excellent framework to map what you do to better understand yourself. You can then better communicate with those with whom you work about how you achieve Flow and structure, to the extent possible, your activities to achieve Flow.

But what about passion?

As much as I love this Flow model, I believe one axis is missing and that relates to passion. I believe that a task may challenge an individual and that individual may have the necessary skills aligning that task in the Flow zone but that individual is not passionate about the task. For example, I can be an accomplished winter driver with extensive experience and be driving in a massive snow storm but not be in Flow. In this case, challenge and skill levels are high but there is clearly something missing. I would add the passion element to the Model. What you are left with is a Venn diagram with flow actually being at the intersection of challenge, skill and passion.

Ikigai: the Japanese concept that brings this altogether

But everything I have said thus far assumes two things in an employment context: that organizations need you to perform your Flow activities and that you can actually make a living doing the Flow activities. The Japanese have the concept of Ikigai that brings all of this together. The diagram below shows how Ikigai, or what I refer to as “Extreme Fulfillment”, is the overlap of all four circles in the Venn diagram – you love what you do, you are good at what you do, there is a need for what you do and you can get paid for what you do. 

I would propose that we can all use this framework to evaluate our current and future states and structure an action plan to get to Ikigai. We can use this at any point in our professional life – be it a teenager deciding what they want to do or someone mid-career. This may also be equally applicable in your personal life.

Expectation management part 1: A over E

So let’s talk about that stand-up comedy routine. First, I have to acknowledge that I have no idea which comic I saw speak of this so I attribute this concept to this nameless person who I saw on some random TV or internet clip years ago. He explained that the secret to happiness was “A over E” to which the audience responded with looks of “what is he talking about?” 

He continued saying that everyone goes through life trying to increase Actual realization (the “A”) instead of minimizing their Expectations (the “E”). Now for those of you who forget your middle school math, this is a fraction where the A is referred to as the numerator and the E is referred to as the denominator. If we assume that E is 2, then A of 2 would yield 2/2 which is 1. However, if you lower E to 1 from 2, then the fraction is 2/1 which is 2. So you have doubled the result not by DOING anything differently but instead by EXPECTING something different in the first place. In other words, you can limit disappointment by expecting less instead of expecting the most at all times and always needing to strive for more to continue to be happy. 

We will dismiss the perennial under-achievers who look at this model to see how low they can make the expectations of those around them (parents, bosses) in order to limit how much effort they need or should expend. Instead, I like to use this model to manage my own expectations and of those around me. Let me tell you that it does not serve me well to tell my spouse in the morning that I will be home at 5pm (high E) only to actually arrive home at 7pm (low A). In contrast, the response from buying her flowers (high A) when there is no particular reason to provide flowers (low E) is, as you can likley guess, very positive.

So you need to manage your expectations of how often, how much, how quickly you will be in Ikigai. Seeing Ikigai as something that you need to have patience to achieve will serve you well.

Expectation management part 2: ups and downs

So I know that you are thinking, how does a pre-marital class fit into all this? I begrudgingly participated in (yes, not just attended) these pre-marital classes 20 years ago. I can honestly say that I remember absolutely nothing from the class other than 1 graph (see below) that I have never forgotten. 

The minister explained that spouses too often go into marriages thinking that they will always maintain the (usually) exceptionally high (what I refer to as) “love index” meaning how much they love the other spouse. He explained that married life, and life in general for that matter, is tough and that it is unrealistic to assume that that high love index will persist through the normal trials and tribulations of relationships and that, importantly, the two spouses at any given time will have divergent love indices and that, as depicted in the graph in years 4 and 6, it will be rare that the spouses will be at the same love index at any given time. Managing your expectations about your own love index and the love index of your spouse is therefore critical to limiting disappointment in your relationship. Understanding this dynamic can also help both spouses understand, as spouse A experiences in year 5, that there will be low points in your love index but that you need to remember that the love index oscillates up and down and that you are simply at one of those hard (impossible?) to avoid down points in the cycle. This model has served me well in 20 years of marriage (yes to the same woman!) as it adds perspective to immediate feelings that either of us feel.

Your professional life with have many of these ups and downs but you need to keep them in context of the overall picture. I have been with the same organization for 25 years and have certainly had many days when I hated my job. At those times, I was able to take a step back, see that I was in a low point as opposed to that being my “normal”, and wait (or even better take action) to get myself to a good spot. 

This is true as you seek Flow or Ikigai. The journey will not be linear. If you can accept that there will twists, turns and disappoints as you seek Flow or Ikigai, you will be in a better position to reflect on the broader objective instead of only on the immediate disappointment.

Pulling it all together

So as interesting as each of these thoughts may be independently, the real magic comes from connecting the dots. Simply stated:

1. Map tasks - We each need to map the current things we do in the Flow model.
2. Passion analysis - We then need to layer on a passion index to understand what tasks we are passionate about, what tasks we are not currently passionate about and what tasks we will never be passionate about.
3. Assess ability to manipulate challenge and/or skill level - We then need to understand how we can manipulate the challenge of the tasks that we are or could be passionate about or our own skill level for that task to migrate to or closer towards Flow. This may involve assistance from others in or outside your organization or making big changes.
4. Consider need and ability to be paid – assess whether organizations need you to perform your Ikigai activities and whether you can actually make a living doing those activities
5. Manage expectations – We then need to acknowledge and respect that we cannot and will not always be in Flow or Ikigai and, like we tell our kids, at times (often) we need to perform tasks about which we are not passionate. 

Happiness or career satisfaction therefore comes from maximizing time and effort on those activities that are in Ikigai. I have reflected on what I am passionate about, what challenges me, what I am good at (and admitted where I am not good) and actively shaped my career to maximize those experiences whilst acknowledging that there are activities that I hate that I just need to do. I spend so much time in Ikigai or close to Ikigai as a result that the passion becomes contagious and work ceases to be work and I get really good at what I do well and have no ego about accepting, acknowledging and embracing that there are many things that I do not do well.

Ultimately this comes down to encouraging you to engage in this self-exploration and guide your own career and daily life to maximize the magic at the intersection of passion, need, proficiency and payment that allows for a happier, more fulfilled career.