SD as Coach - When is enough Enough

We play multiple roles in our life and I find that very fulfilling. In my other role as Executive Coach, I often wondered how and when to share my learnings- So I’m thinking why not a series at Linked-in! Named - SD as Coach!!! 

When is enough Enough ?

 This question has been my best pal and I say so because whenever I have asked myself this question, intuitively I have known or how Malcolm Gladwell will say, in a blink you know - It is time.  Whether it’s time to move on or break free or prepare for an eventual outcome is left to each individual’s choice. Personally for me ‘its time’ has meant emotional detachment before I am ready to implement physical detachment. I’m all in the head I always say. 

 Pre Jan 2020, our lives were free, our plans long term, friends close and families closer, travel plans included holidays and business travel, weekends were fun with friends, beer and sometimes movies and lots of golf. There was a sense of stability in the morning routine from Monday through Friday of waking up, walking the usual 5-6 km and getting ready for a day at work and if you are in Bangalore as I am, it meant 90 mins one way, on road each day, wading through traffic and from the humming tunes of melodious cuckoo bird at home to swift transition of unruly honking on road. That was old normal life as we call it today. Ah! I miss the routine. 

 Our lives were wired around people, programs, business and entertainment and amidst this we rarely knew what is going on inside? The focus was externalized and events kept us going and this busy view of no time to think, pause and reflect defined success and happiness. A fast paced life with miles to fly and achieve. 

Come Jan 2020 and our initial fears of what is changing and how much will actually change came true in the worst ways possible. The well defined boundaries began to blur, assumptions challenged, frameworks getting reshaped and redefined and the world of people and events and daily office routine and weekend entertainment was brought to a halt by Mar 2020. 

 Children who had not seen parents for more than a flying kiss in the morning and a peck on cheek wishing good night were seeing them for many more hours a day. Spouses were in each other’s face every day. If you had relatives like I had in- laws whom you saw customary a few weeks a year, well they stayed behind and thus became a part of your daily life. A movie title I often think from 18 days to 18 months. 

 The context of life was changing swiftly and we were subjected to a pressure test, not by choice but by design of something unknown and beyond our control. It cut away our wings to fly, buried the desire to step out, nipped in the moment thought to just chill over a hot Americano at Starbucks, complicated the fun of a leisurely walk and benign friendly hello to a neighbor - all of that was taken away. We were incarcerated without a release in sight. 

•  For someone who has thrived on dinner dates with Swiggy, the everyday home-made meal of dal and vegetable curry, just became enough 
• For someone who loved space and defined boundaries in each relationship, this constant run into each other became enough 
• For someone who thrives on interactions with people and is charged and energized by it, the isolation became enough 
• For someone who likes transparency and authenticity and values humanity, apathy of some towards others’ traumas, well that became enough 
• For someone who likes ideation and problem solving, living with a problem and negativity became enough

 ‘ When is enough Enough’ ?

 If you think about it, it is extremely fatiguing and it has potential to draw us into a zone of stress, irritability, fatigue and possible despair.  Breaking old patterns takes a conscious effort and for this one needs to step away from zone of activity and step into zone of pause and deep internal reflection 

 2020 and 2021 To date has given us all time to reflect and pause and realize what is in our life that says enough is Enough 

• Is it corporate life and perhaps more the way we are living it and the crying need for a change 
• Is it our hesitation to follow our passion that lights the very you in you 
• Is it our way of putting self last and others first always and now you are so tired and feel fatigued - maybe this applies more to women balancing home and work 
• Is it our inability to break a pattern of old beliefs and substitute with new 

 Here is what works for me-  I make my favorite cup of black long leaf Darjeeling tea and sit down with paper and pen - usually during 4pm-5pm and ask these two questions -

1. What is it that energizes you and you feel like nothing in that space seems enough  

2. What is it that drains you and even a little give now screams enough is enough. 

It works for me like magic today but it was not always like this. It takes a bit of inner work to understand what and who brings energy to your life and what and who leaves you empty.  The journey is long but I say awareness is the first step to make any change. 

I have my reflections of 18 months and a list of what’s enough is enough in my life and I am working on undoing it by removing the drainers and importantly sowing seeds of energizers. My priorities are Family, Community and Spirituality. Surrounded by chaos that has potential to bury six feet under, these are what manage to keep me afloat. 

 These are a few of my favorite things!!  The rest enough is Enough!