A Scrum Master, An RTE and A Lean Guru ...... Walk into a bar

No no, this isn’t the beginning of an Agile transformation gone wrong—though it very well could be. This is the story of how three process experts turned a simple night out into a deep dive into frameworks, metrics, and hangovers sprints.

Handy Tip: Keep a drink nearby—preferably a strong one—because tolerating this level of Agile nerdiness requires being in right spirits. ??

The Ordering Dilemma: Too Many Frameworks, Not Enough Drinks

The bartender leans over the counter, wiping a glass with the kind of patience that only years of customer service can build.

“What’ll you have?”

The Scrum Master immediately springs into action, pulling out a carefully prioritized Drink Backlog.

"Based on my backlog refinement, an Indian Jal Jeera Mojito delivers the most value. But let’s run a quick Classic Mojito iteration to validate the concept."

The RTE, already treating this like a PI Planning session, raises a finger.

"Hold on! Are we aligning drink orders across teams? If I order a Long Island Iced Tea, but we haven’t resolved dependencies, this could derail the whole night."

The Lean Guru scoffs.

"This process is too inefficient. Too much waste. No fancy glasses. No garnish. Just grab a bottle, pass it around, and optimize the flow."

The bartender watches this exchange with mild concern. "You guys realize this is a bar and not a workshop, right?"

A long pause. Then, the three nod in silent agreement. They do not, in fact, realize this.

The Retrospective That No One Asked For

Drinks finally arrive. But just as the bartender thinks their job is done, the Scrum Master claps their hands together.

"Alright, time for a retrospective, team! Gather round."

The bartender, against better judgment, leans in.

What went well?

RTE: “Drinks were delivered without major blockers. Dependencies were managed. But Lean Guru bypassed the Kanban queue and took a bottle straight from the shelf.”

Lean Guru: “I was optimizing Work In Progress (WIP). Streamlined delivery. Zero waste. And as you already know, I strongly believe in the Pull System.”

What didn’t go well?

Bartender: “You’re overcomplicating what should be the easiest part of my job. Also, someone still needs to pay for that bottle.”

Lean Guru (muttering): "If efficiency were a drink, I’d already be on my second."

The Scrum Master nods and starts scribbling notes on a napkin. "Great insights. Action items?"

Bartender: "Yes. Just order like normal people." ??

When Metrics Take Over the Party

Just as the night starts to settle, the conversation inevitably shifts. It starts with one innocent question:

"Do we judge success by fun, or do we need a dashboard with KPIs, burndown charts, and real-time drink consumption metrics?"

And just like that, all hope of a casual evening is lost.

The Scrum Master leans in.

"Let’s measure drink velocity—aka how fast we go from 'This is a great idea!' to 'Whose couch am I sleeping on?'"

The RTE shakes their head.

"Throughput is a better metric. Are we hitting planned capacity across all drinkers?"

The Lean Guru, sipping water (because of course), sighs.

"Forget velocity. Focus on cycle time. How quickly can we convert ‘ordered’ to ‘finished’? Optimize the flow."

The bartender, now visibly done with the jargon, starts pouring drinks at random.

"Alright, let’s put all this Agile talk to the test. Adapt, iterate, and don’t complain."

The Scrum Master pulls out a napkin and sketches a burndown chart.

In the corner, the bartender is hoping the burndown chart for this night would show drinks disappearing fast, confidence levels dropping, and questionable decisions spiking near closing time.

"We started strong, but there’s a risk we won’t complete all drinks before closing time. Should we increase velocity?"

The Lean Guru raises an eyebrow.

"No, just reduce WIP. Fewer drinks, more focus."

The bartender glares.

"Or, you could just drink what I give you. Stop optimizing and start drinking."

The Agile Hangover: A Lesson in Accountability

As the bartender rings up the tab, the Scrum Master proposes a bold strategy.

"Let’s split the bill into sprints. Incremental payments ensure transparency and predictability."

The RTE nods.

"Wait, let’s estimate future costs for scalability. Are we aligned on the projected burn rate?"

The Lean Guru, already standing up, shakes their head.

"This is why I drink water. Apply Just-In-Time payments. I’ll PayTM or PhonePe the money later."

The bartender takes a deep breath.

"Why did I let Agile people drink here again?"

The next morning, an email pops up in everyone’s inbox:

Subject: Post-Drinking Retrospective

Sent by—of course—the Scrum Master.

????What went well?

• "The flow of drinks was consistent."

????What didn’t go well?

• "Dependencies between tequila and beer weren’t managed."
• "Lean Guru’s cycle time was too fast—they finished their drink before the rest of us even started.”

?Action items:

• "Next time, cap WIP (Work In Progress) to three drinks at a time."
• "Create a Kanban board for better visibility into drink order progress."
• "Invite a DevOps engineer to automate refills."

Meanwhile, in that same bar, a new sign appears:

? NO AGILE TERMS ALLOWED AFTER 6 PM ?

Every Agile role sees the world through a different lens—sometimes, to the frustration of everyone around them.

The Scrum Master walks into a party and immediately starts organizing breakout discussions. “Let’s form small, cross-functional groups to maximize engagement!”

The RTE won’t let anyone start drinking until dependencies are resolved. “We can’t open the beer until the bottle opener team delivers their sprint goal!”

The Lean Guru refuses to use a tray. “Carrying one drink at a time minimizes waste. Batch processing is the enemy of flow.”

But sometimes, we need to stop over-engineering things and just enjoy the drink ??

And that, dear friends, is the real Definition of Done ?

If you enjoyed reading this, do let me know in comments — if not, let’s schedule a retrospective to improve the experience. ??