"Screentime" vs. "Booktime:" There's a better way

Hi All,

As we near the holiday season, one of the most common questions I hear from parents, caregivers, and teachers is about how to help kids get away from too much screentime. They especially want kids to learn to love reading (and writing)--but not in a way that feels stressful, frustrating, or full of pressure.?

Why is this so hard? In part, it's because screens are addictive. Overuse links to mental health problems, but it can feel hard to leave the cycle.

It's also because of how many cultural assumptions we have about what reading "well" means.?So many parents have heard "read for 20 minutes a night," or "make sure your child reads this book, not that one," or even "make sure your child answers all these questions about this book before moving on."

All those comments are well-intended, but they don't take into account the main goal of reading with a child outside of school.

That is, we want kids to ENJOY their experiences, enough that they want to read more. We want them, in their adult years, to hear "reading" and think "that's something I want to do," not "I hate reading" or "Why would I go and read a book instead of?watch a screen?"?

How to help kids love reading, at every age and stage

The good news is, there are easy and research-based ways to help kids get there, at every age and stage. And even better, most of them involve?conversation.?We can use books as jumpstarts to dive into what kids are engaged by, what interests them, and what they want to explore.?

So many?studies?have found that, even for toddlers, their literacy and book-reading activities support their vocabulary and language skills. If we want to help kids become great listeners and speakers, it's so important that we help them love books early on--and that we show them how?we?love books as well.

Here are three research-based tips.

1) Think conversation, not lecturing:?When you're reading with a child, think of showing them how to talk actively about a book. You're helping them become the?storyteller, not just the listener. For example, instead of reading straight through, let them interrupt.?

• Answer their questions, such as "Where is he going?" with real answers, or with questions of your own.?
• Try questions that are more open-ended, like: "What do you think he was happiest about?" or "What was the best part of that?"

2)?Build empathy through books:?Help a child imagine their way into the characters of a book. Ask them to "flip" perspectives, pretending they're the hero/heroine and then a secondary character, and even the villain.?

• Ask them who they're most and least like, and who they'd like to be.
• Share?your?perspective about characters who behave badly. What are some possible reasons they acted that way? How can we show compassion?

3)?Use your talk to go beyond black-and-white.?During and after reading, talk with kids about how characters are feeling multiple emotions, sometimes at the same time. For example, say a child feels excited and happy about a parent coming back from an overseas deployment. They're also secretly worried that the parent will be different or will relate to them differently.?

• Talk about these "mixed" emotions to help kids feel okay in expressing those emotions themselves.?
• In your discussions, help kids realize that those "secret" or harder emotions are fine to feel. Talk about times you felt a mixed emotion, for example, when interviewing for a job you weren't sure you wanted. Explore how you accepted these complex emotions in yourself and even welcomed them.
• "I was surprised that I felt that way," for example, you might say, "but I was glad to realize that I had lots of different feelings about it."?

Books are uniquely suited to show how life--and feelings--are messy, and the messiness can be hard but wonderful. When you let books open up your conversation, you're helping kids learn to love reading--and?also?feel more bonded to you. In this busy season, that's more important than ever!

Some great resources for different ages and stages:

Board books: Anything by?Sandra Boynton?is great for read-alouds; lots of rhymes and chances for participation

Picture books:?Try?More Than Words, by Roz MacClean, about how there are many different ways that people communicate--and they're all good. Or try?Where Are You From? by Yamile Saied Méndez and Jaime Kim about a girl who constantly gets asked about her origins...and she doesn't have a simple answer.

Ready-to-read books:?The?Zoe and Sassafras?series is great in the way it integrates mystery and science, with a magical cat and a main character who uses a science journal to explore problems playfully.

Middle grade:?Out of My Heart?and?Out of My Mind?by Sharon M. Draper are wonderfully-written and engaging ways of learning about a girl with cerebral palsy. She has lots of ideas and a great spirit, but has physical limitations that often leave people making wrong assumptions about her.

And finally, an interesting research study:

When fathers spend time with newborns, their brains change in a way similar to mothers' brains, as psychologist Darby Saxe and others at USC found. There may be a "dad brain" that develops through the acts of parenting--all those small moments, uniquely building to help fathers become more responsive to kids. That's all the more reason to advocate for leave policies that include dads!

Let me know if you have questions or thoughts. I always love hearing from you!

Best,

Rebecca Rolland, EdD, Author of The Art of Talking with Children

https://www.rebeccarolland.com