The Science of Blaming Processes Not People: A Foundational Conversation On Bridging Divides

Last week, I shared a post about the often-strained relationship between Black and white women in the American workplace. I deleted it a day later.

But why?

As a leader and speaker at the intersection of DEI, process improvement, and healthcare, I never shy away from hard conversations — as long as they’re approached with honesty, respect, and a goal of resolution or deeper understanding.

So, if it was done honestly yet respectfully and with a goal of understanding in mind, why did I delete it?

Because of a conversation I had.

In that discussion, it became clear to me that when I facilitate tough conversations in my work, I always take the time to lay a strong foundation — one that creates a safe space for meaningful, productive, and forward-thinking dialogue. But I hadn’t done that here yet.

So yes, I will be reposting it — but not before I set the stage and break a few things down to better support this conversation.

Let’s get into it.

Act 1: Introducing Ben & Blake

Ben

Ben is a 32 year old, New York born and bred, Columbia grad financial analyst

Blake

Blake is a 30 year old, Alabama born and bred, University of Alabama grad financial analyst

Act 2: The Scenario

Both Ben and Blake were recently hired at a top-four consulting firm in New York City. At first, everything seemed promising — an exciting new chapter filled with opportunity. But for Blake, the transition has been a major adjustment. From leaving his truck behind and now taking the subway to realizing how many people struggle to understand his accent and how few people know anything about fishing or hunting. Still, a good move overall...well for the first few months at least.

But as time went on, that excitement started to fade. Blake is one of the only Southerners in the office — and definitely the only one from Alabama. In a workplace dominated by Columbia and NYU grads (many knowing each other before this job), the culture feels competitive, fast-paced, and far more cutthroat than anything he’s used to. The sense of isolation is hard to ignore.

In a recent meeting, things came to a head when Blake felt repeatedly talked over and dismissed — especially by Ben. Despite his passion for the work, moments like this are making him question whether this is the right fit. As much as he values the opportunity, the pull toward a more familiar culture — one that feels like home — is getting harder to resist.

Act 3: The Solution

While this is a wholly fictional scenario, we've all been there. We've all felt a bit out of place, and it sucks.

If Ben and Blake's consulting firm hired my firm to help them, I wouldn't focus my effort on Ben or Blake.

Instead, I'd focus on considering these 3 systems:

1. Systems within the company that allow Blake's hiring, firing, promotion, or ability to feel comfortable in his current position to be subjective to someone else's feelings. (The bulk of the work that I do)

I'd dig into what are their hr lifecycle processes. Do they have any culture processes/policies in place? Oftentimes, organizations leave too much room for subjectivity in their hr processes which decreases the diversity and frequently the quality of their candidates. I'd be asking myself why aren't there more Blakes.

But why is diversity important?

Let's take someone like Blake. Because he lived and worked in Alabama prior to coming to NYC, he's built his career in smaller more family-style offices where he had to take on much more responsibility than the original scope of his job description and did this in multiple industries. This is in stark contrast to his Columbia-grad colleagues who are predominantly career consultants. While both are necessary, it's clear that losing someone with the experience that Blake brings to the table leaves a sizable gap in the work that their consulting firm is able to provide well.

So now that we have a Blake and we know his value to the organization, how do we keep him?

Research shows that the best way to retain employees is by being intentional about building a positive workplace culture (feel free to DM me if you’d like references to specific studies). I’d start by finding out whether the organization has any established culture processes in place. Surprisingly often, companies invest heavily in wages and benefits — often their largest expense — but put little focus on shaping their internal culture.

If I found a lack of clear culture processes, I’d work closely with them to understand their current cultural norms, collaborate with employees to envision what a positive and supportive work environment looks like for everyone, and help them develop a strategic plan to bridge the gap between where they are now and where they want to be.

2. Societal systems/beliefs that impact the power dynamics between Ben and Blake.

Now it would be naive to believe that societal systems and beliefs don't impact the workplace. While in this scenario, we don't have to think about topics of race, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, religion, nationality, etc, there are still societal beliefs that can have an effect on Blake's experience.

• Southerners especially those with southern accents can be assumed to be less intelligent than Northerners.
• Ivy League grads (such as Ben) are also often assumed to be more intelligent than non-ivy league grads.
• As a Southerner myself, I find that there tends to be less exposure to opportunities for Southerners especially when we think about the Deep South and even moreso the rural Deep South.

Knowing these societal systems and beliefs, we can also consider how to counteract them in the company's processes. Maybe they should consider doing more recruiting at southern universities or creating meeting procedures that allows for everyone to share their perspectives.

3. The differences within cultural systems that impact the communication and subsequent understanding between Ben and Blake.

Lastly, we consider Ben and Blake, but not as individuals but rather results of their cultures and upbringing. This perspective was central to how I approached the conversation about Black and white women in the workplace — and it’s crucial when navigating workplace differences. Understanding how cultural backgrounds shape behavior helps us interpret interactions more thoughtfully and avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.

In the case of Ben and Blake, the communication styles of Alabama and New York City couldn’t be more different — and that contrast can be pretty jarring. Having worked in both environments, I’ve seen this firsthand. NYC’s style tends to be more direct and to the point; while it can come off as curt, it’s often just the norm and not a reflection of someone’s kindness or intentions. On the other hand, in Alabama, conversations are often packaged with more warmth and tact, which can make New Yorkers seem rude by comparison.

It’s also worth considering the different campus cultures at schools like Columbia versus the University of Alabama — those experiences shape how people interact and collaborate long after graduation.

All of this will impact how both men communicate and how that communication is received by the other.

Conclusion: Culture isn't a matter of happenstance

Culture isn't a matter of happenstance. It takes intentional, concentrated work. It's a work that we can't do well unless we ask more questions, have more hard conversations, and seek more understanding between each other. And though individuals can sometimes be mean and even hateful, if we want true change, THEY CAN'T BE THE FOCUS.

Instead, we must direct our collective energy toward identifying, understanding, and transforming the systems that enable and empower harmful behavior — and just as importantly, preventing the misunderstandings that arise when harm isn’t the true intent. Only by addressing these underlying structures can we create a culture where respect, empathy, and fairness thrive.