Was it scary to leave a permanent job for the unknown?

So many people have asked…was it scary leaving the security of a permanent job? Did you not worry about how you would cope?

Truth…nope

Maybe that was na?ve of me but what had happened that year gave me so much clarity in my mind that no matter the fact I was leaving a well paid, secure job that I was good at, I knew it was right for me to go.

So let me explain what happened that year that gave me so much clarity...

Let me start by telling you I was pretty stressed with a full time job and working on my degree at pretty much full time study. By the time I was in my second year I had upped the modules because I wanted to do my best to finish it within 4 or 5 years max and not the recommended 6 for part time (did it in 4!).

I had put a lot of pressure on myself, I honestly couldn’t see the wood for the trees.  All of my life I had 'told myself' I couldn’t leave my corporate lifestyle to pursue something else. It wasn't feasible for me to do that because I needed security and money also, what else realistically would I do?  By the time I was in second year of Uni I was earning a very good salary and had a lot of nice things, holidays, car etc. I believed that these were the key to happiness! 

What I actually felt though was completely trapped.  It was like the money kept me tied and I couldn’t see how it would be possible to move on.  What I didn’t realise was that the year before I had my epiphany, I had started to really save my money.  I had no idea what I was saving for but I was making some big sacrifices, albeit still having a nice life. So into the second year of Uni I was still saving and it was mounting up. I realised that you could still have a really great life with nice things and holidays without spending so much on frivolities! 

As the year progressed I was getting more and more stressed with the workload and decided that I needed to find an outlet to feel calm and more at least with myself. I had always been drawn to Buddhism, meditation etc although never really pursued it in any formal way. I researched and found a place in town that had Buddhist lessons (basically the teachings of Buddhism together with meditation).  It was strange to me because I was so so stressed that even the thought of taking the time out to drive to the place and sit for 1.5 hours felt overwhelming...but I did it, I was being drawn to it.

I arrived for my first class, a frazzled girl who didn’t even having the cash in my purse to pay for the class because I had forgot to go to the bank…standard stressed girl stuff!  They welcomed me with open arms.  I was a little nervous but also curious.

I continued to go weekly and what happened to me was something I never expected. With each passing week I was becoming a version of myself that I had always wanted to be. I was finding peace and better ways to live my life.  Now, I’m not saying I'm any kind of angel here and in actual fact I don’t live 100% in the Buddhist ways (although I do try my best) but the teachings were and still are so aligned to who I was/am and I just didn’t know this way of life would help me be myself.

So…one day I woke up, months later and after several months of meditation in class and at home with a clarity in my mind that was nothing like I had experienced before. I just knew I was going to hand my notice into work within a few weeks.  I spoke with a good friend and whilst she was shocked and sad as she would miss me, she was happy for me and knew I was making the decision from a place of complete clarity. I shared the news with my family on what I was doing and everyone supported my decision. 

You see…I had always thought I was tied to the corporate world because of money but when I gained clarity of mind I realised that in fact…I had the money saved. I just couldn’t see that for 2 years I had been saving and it was actually for this exact moment. 

And with that….I wrote my resignation letter and kept it in my bag until the right moment. I did it with complete peace of mind and a deep knowing that this would be the end of one phase of my life and the beginning of a new one…

I had no idea what was ahead I just knew it was going to be something better than how I had been living before…