Scarred for life

Skin disease or a skin condition is something that no person wants to experience. How many of you know a small pimple can adversely affect a person’s mental health and in turn lead to depression and anger issues??Here is my story about how acne took a toll on my mental health and how badly I was bullied for something which was not my fault.

Among the skin diseases, the most prevalent is acne. If pimples show up on your face often that too several at once you may have acne. Acne and acne scars on your face and other visible body locations can affect self-esteem and self-confidence. For most people, acne tends to subside by the time they reach their mid-twenties but for some people, it pertains even in their thirties and forties. I fall to the latter.

My struggle with acne started at the age of ten, yes you read it right! even before my teenage, even before I hit puberty. At first, I started noticing pimples on my forehead. I was the only one who had pimples in my class and there started the turn of events that shattered almost 15 years of my life. My friends started to ask me what happened to my face and that question started to disturb me. Slowly the acne spread to my cheeks and my whole face was covered with acne. Needless to say, I was desperate and helpless. By that time I reached my teenage. My classmates started to call me by different names which a teenager could never bear. My confidence was deteriorating day by day. I even hated to see myself in the mirror. Now and then I kept on checking the mirror to see if my pimples had subsided or not. I tried almost everything from over-the-counter medicines to home remedies during my early stage of acne. But nothing worked. Finally, at the age of 15, I consulted a dermatologist and he put me on some medications for my acute acne. I was expecting an overnight remedy for my condition but that never happened. It took its own time to heal just like any other disease. My medication started to work slowly after 3 months. it started subsiding however, it left the scars. I had the medicines for more than 3 years. various creams, shampoos, soap, face wash, and tablets it was a long journey. My medicines were so expensive but my parents were ready to afford those expenses rather than see their daughter suffering. After so many years of medications, I gradually stopped taking them. But to my surprise, ?pimples started to pop up every single day after a few months of stopping. I was devastated this time. More devastated than my last time. Again I started taking medications but this time with a strict diet. I was asked to refrain from all sorts of foods that I liked. oil, tomatoes, red meat, fish, chocolates, ice creams everything. Imagine how an 18-year-old would have survived with all these. I was exhausted every single day not only physically but mentally as well. I wanted to quit all sorts of medications because I had been taking them for so long. I was having a very hard time. I was fed up with the looks people gave me, fed up with explaining what happened to my face. one day I gathered the strength to give up on all the medications I was put on because I was sick of everything and everyone and myself. I just decided to try a home remedy because I was scared that if I hadn't tried anything my acne could flare.

There was a neem tree in my yard I plucked some leaves and plucked a handful of tulsi leaves and one shallot. I made a paste out of all these using traditional mortar and pestle as the mixer couldn't give me a smooth buttery paste. As shallots stung my eyes ?I left the paste for only about ten minutes. I applied it religiously. It helped with my skin condition and I ?saw the results so fast. My skin got an improved texture, my acne marks started to fade and my pimples were subsiding remarkably within a week. I continued applying it for many months.

?2 years passed by I reached my eighth semester of B.tech.By that time my neem tree grew taller and taller and I couldn’t reach it any longer. As there was no other source for the neem leaves, I stopped applying my magical remedy.

Slowly my nemesis started to show up again and this time he was ready to conquer me. It was painful, cystic, and filled with pus. But this time though it was more severe than all these years I welcomed it with open arms. Because after 10 long years of struggle, eventually, I started to accept my skin condition. I was 21 then. My cheeks were covered with acne. I just stopped caring about it. sometimes it hurt me when even my closest friends bullied me for something which I couldn’t change. Then again I consulted a dermatologist and I was advised to take “isotretinoin" a form of retin which is given only to the most severe kind of acne cases. when I started it I slowly developed some side effects like chapped lips and flaky skin around the nose. I continued the medication for more than a year and it fairly subsided my acne despite the side effects.

Once I stopped my medication ?I wanted to improve my skin’s texture as my severe acne has left its footprints . Over my cheeks, the scars were really deep.so I started doing cosmetic treatments. I. and by then I turned 24.so I expected my skin would be clear soon as I was no longer a teenager and I am in my mid-twenties. But again it started showing up even in my adulthood but not severe as it used to be. So I did a small research on that and I found the term” adult acne".so I have adult acne now and am 30 ?and I still have moderate acne.

After struggling for 20 years with acne, I know this is my skin condition and I know people find it difficult to accept my face as I don’t satisfy their beauty norms. but my skin doesn’t define me now. My skin never makes me worthless either. I am a very talented educator who trained more than 200 students, I am a fantastic dancer, I am a skillful driver, And I am a very confident and wonderful person at heart and I am more and more. I know that even with this scarred face I feel more confident than before. However, these scars are my identity. I don't think about it much. If someone passes a bad comment about my face I know how to answer that.

I know I am a survivor of bullying and depression but now I realize the problem was not with my face but with my mind. I let something which was out of my control to rule my life. I wasted a good part of my life lamenting over something which I couldn’t change forgetting about the things which I could have changed. Always know your worth and work on improving yourself rather than pulling yourself down with something that shouldn't be the priority. And remember, the body in any form is beautiful. Now when I look into the mirror I don’t see my scars I just see a beautiful woman.