Scared of Confrontation?
How many of you have a fear of confrontation because you "are a peacemaker" or "don't like to ruffle feathers?" Fear of confrontation is a real thing and, we often make excuses as to why we don't like to do so. “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” —Nelson Mandela. Let's think about that for a second..I often stop and hesitate before I have to confront someone especially if I know that person will react negatively. I believe we all do that in some form.
Most people who fear confrontation often find themselves standing on the edge of a situation, wondering when they will have the confidence to speak their minds and tackle an uncomfortable confrontation head-on. Unfortunately, what goes unnoticed about this fear is that if left unchecked over time, it can be crippling.
So how do we move past that? Don’t let anxiety decide when you should speak out.
The first step in overcoming your fear of confrontation is to rise above the anxiety by not allowing it to become the deciding factor in how you will react to a situation. Even when your heart is racing and your palms are sweating, take a deep breath, count to 10 and know that you are standing up for the right thing. No matter who you have to confront, always remember that no one has the authority to intimidate you or make you feel less worthy of respect.
Don’t confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. There is a fine line between being assertive and standing up for your rights versus being ‘pushy’ or forceful. If you’re someone that fears confrontation, you probably assume that being assertive makes you seem ‘pushy’ or rude. At the same time, you might be in awe of people who are naturals at voicing their opinions and pointing out when something displeases them. But, in reality, it is quite simple to discern the difference between aggressive and assertive behaviors. Aggressive communication usually involves an undertone of command and does not take into consideration other people’s feelings. On the other hand, an assertive communicator will always be respectful and calm, speaking their mind without offending or insulting anyone.
Knowing the difference is just the first step; being able to translate this knowledge into action is the real challenge.
Finding your most comfortable zone of expression is a key note when it comes to fighting your fear of confrontation. Not everybody chooses to express themselves the same way and that is why it is important to take your time in addressing difficult issues. While you might want to be more open about how you feel, don’t expect to change overnight. And don’t expect to be able to convey your message in the same way as those around you. Practice makes perfect. There is really nothing wrong if your fear is deep rooted to stand in a mirror and practice what you might say and, how you would prefer to make your concerns known.
Our ability to confront, and more importantly communicate in any situation is determined by a combination of factors, including our personality, upbringing, and emotional intelligence. Hence, it is very likely that even though you might be feeling extremely confident about expressing a particular opinion, you could find yourself stumbling when push comes to shove. Don’t be so down on yourself. You have probably spent most of your life unprepared to share your strong feelings on topics. Just the fact that you are acknowledging the issue and trying to change it is a step in the right direction.
In the end, it is OK to let your concerns and opinions known. Confrontation does not have to turn to conflict if everyone can learn how to approach the matter carefully and, with maturity.
Vistelar is a wonderful team of instructors who know a structured way to communicate no matter the circumstances. We allow you to learn and practice everything we teach while in the course. You will be able to use these communication skills in every facet of your life. We travel nationwide and, would be happy to put together a course for you or your business in the near future. www.vistelar.com