A Scar is a Healed Wound

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been laid off (raising my hand). Raise your hand if you’ve ever failed at a project (raising my hand). Raise your hand if you’ve suffered a loss (raising my hand). Raise your hand if you’ve ever been injured (raising my hand). Raise your hand if you’ve ever been told something that affected your self-esteem (raising my hand). Raise your hand if you’re carrying some heavy baggage is affecting your mental wellness (raising my hand). Raise your hand if you’re worried about something you feel may impact your overall well-being that you can’t control (you all better be raising your hands because I’m raising both of mine).

This may be triggering.? This may stir up memories. This may bring up feelings that have impacted you in some manner. This may be uncomfortable. Heck, I’m uncomfortable writing it because I have physically visible scars and psychologically invisible scars that carry an impact to this day, and I’m here to tell you it’s ok.

I was having a conversation with a mentor recently who said to me that a scar is a healed wound. That got me thinking as the conversation we were having was about me. I don’t have a problem admitting this as we weren’t having a philosophical conversation about something theoretical. We were talking about examples of people struggling that I could relate to, but the conversation was about me, and me finding balance and a path forward in some of my own challenges.? I’d be hypocrite if were to write something of this magnitude and come off like “I know better” just because I studied psychology.? I’m not better and no wiser than you reading this, but to resonate, I have to connect with you, the reader, to bring those walls down. Just because I have a Masters in psychology doesn’t make me any a smarter than you when it comes to being human.

If you haven't watched Billions on SHOWTIME , read at your own risk. Spoilers ahead!

I’m a huge fan of the show Billions.? The main character, Bobby Axelrod, is a shrewd businessman, always one step ahead.? He is presented as a character who embodies the bravado and gumption, we all want a piece of.? When we were first introduced to the show, the show established this bravado when he memorably said “what’s the point of having f*$k you money if you can’t say f*$k you.”? They establish his ego, strength, dominance, and power pretty much in every episode.? The man shows no visible scars because as he says in a later in another that season that “I don’t pretend to be a monster – no, I am a monster, and you have to be when you get this level.”

But is he though? We are led to believe he has no weakness, but in one scene that resonated more with me than another, the character shows us that he does. In the scene, he shows his scars for what may be one of the only times in the series and while. Whether he was arrested, pushed to a corner, or on the verge of financial ruin, he never wavered except for this scene. I think it was this scene that made the audience turn from thinking he’s a tyrant to rooting for him. In the scene, he has to have a tough conversation with his sons about getting arrested. He starts off showing the side of the character we know (the tough and mighty bravado with an ego the size of Manhattan), but something happens. At the 30 second mark of the clip, his demeanor changes.? In the same way I could have come off saying “I studied this in this class and from my experiences this has to be true so I’m going to puff my mental strength and enlighten you in this article”, I chose to tell you something about me and admit that the conversation I had with my mentor was about my scars.? He too, understanding his audience with that being his kids, had to drop the experienced ego and be vulnerable.? He had to open up that scar as a means to actually show his strength.? I’m going to break down the scene through the following 3 timestamps.

Time Stamp 1: 30-37 seconds

Axelrod: Sometimes they lie, sometimes they tell the truth. It’s like everyone. Like me.

Perspective: Everyone’s got scars.? Sometimes people acknowledge they have scars and look to mend them, and sometimes they don’t.? But everyone’s got them, and whether someone chooses to admit or not is not to for someone to judge or be judged, but to simply acknowledge that they exist

Time Stamp 2: 38 to minute 1:19

Axelrod: Most folks they find this out about their dad much later, but everyone finds it out. I’m a flawed man. I’m not perfect. I’m not always right. I don’t always win. I f*$@ed up. I did something wrong. If that makes me a bad person, well, you’ll have to decide that for yourselves. Not just once, but many times more as you grow older, and you learn more.

Perspective: Here you can see scar that is healed. From the tone of his voice, to change in his demeanor, even down to him kneeling down to speak to his kids at eye level, Axelrod acknowledges the scar, or likely scars, as he implies that he is flawed in several areas.? We don’t know what those flaws are, but after watching this scene, my perspective on every interaction he has changed.? I didn’t see Axelrod as an egotistical, maniacal tyrant hell bent on getting his way and winning (though he is). I started seeing him as a calculating man who is struggling with two decisions at every turn. In every situation, I believe the character is making decisions based on a scar that once wounded but is now healed. Those experiences help him deduce what he needs to do.? In not showing his scars and exuding the success he has, his kids (and the world) can’t truly see the flaws that bred his successes.? That’s why he says to his kids that “you’ll find this out later”, because they too will have to go through their own scars and have some insight into whether or not to judge him as a bad person because they will have to judge themselves.? In judging themselves, they will then have an understanding of how wounds shape one’s ability to cope and process. Good, bad, or indifferent, those are his scars to bear and this is the best life he could create from those scars.

Timestamp 3: Minutes 1:20 to 1:45

Axelrod: But know this, I’m still your dad. I’m gonna fight, and I’m gonna try really hard to win this but I might not. But we don’t give up.

Sons: We won’t give up either dad.

Perspective: Scars are not the end of the us. Good decisions or bad decisions. Good outcomes or bad outcomes. While they leave marks and sometimes lead to unexpected outcomes, you will learn something from it. Be it physical or mental, you don’t give up on the healing and learning process. You fight like hell to take that scar and turn it into a wound you can reference in some future position.

Many, if not all of you, have had an experience that you raised your hand to above.? You’ll likely have to raise your hand again as scars are inevitable.? Whether you’re single, married, early in your career, or a seasoned professional – scars will continue to manifest. Many of us are watching firsthand of what’s happening across the political spectrum with many lifelong public government workers being laid off and whether it will trickle down into the private sector, with many worried if the theater of politics will pave the way for private organizations to do the same in the name cost savings through automations and AI.? I sympathize with everyone who has raised their hand to having been recently laid off.? I empathize with everyone who find themselves worried about a decision being made, or decisions that will be made that will create risks to their careers and income.? I understand the struggle of many who don’t know where to start such as learning a new skill because there’s so much confusion as what to start with, quarreling with where to invest their time as whether it will pay off or not. You have time. A recent report from World Economic Forum noted that 41% of companies around the world plan to reduce their workforce by 2030 because of AI. Breathe easy, because in that same report, the World Economic Forum also noted that 77% of businesses plan to re-skill and up-skill existing workers in the same time frame, providing a “net positive” for the labor market.

Neither Axelrod or his sons said they would give up, and neither should you. Many of us carry some heavy baggage that we afraid to even admit to ourselves let alone to the outside world, but I’m urging you to acknowledge them and not be afraid of making some new scars. You think you’re the only ones that are flawed? AI itself is flawed as it’s riddled with failures. ?You know why?? Because AI is created by humans and is also prone to flaws. ?Be it human or robot, there are healed wounds to every scar, even if you can’t see it yet, just like there’s an opportunity out for you, even if it hasn’t been created yet. I’ve asked you all to raise your hands if you’ve ever experienced something negative, so let’s not leave it there.

Raise your hands if you’ve ever succeeded at something that surprised you (raising my hand). Raise your hand if ever felt proud of an accomplishment, be it small or big (raising my hand). Raise your hand if you’ve ever learned something new by watching a TikTok or YouTube clip that you didn’t know before (raising my hand). Raise your hand if you’ve dusted off the bookshelf to read a book or read/listening to something new digitally (raising my hand). You’re more than capable – you just might not realize it yet.

So let’s take an uncomfortable and making it comfortable by not ?just raising your hand up, but raising your head up.