Why Say Yes When You Actually Wanted To Say No?
A friend came up to you and asked for a favour. Majority will answer, “Yes.” Why is that? Why it is that we find it difficult to say “No” if that is the wise and right thing to reply. Why do we do it and what are the consequences for the individual and the organisation they work for?
One of the reasons is that from childhood we are taught to be nice to others and so we affirmed instead of declined. It is from early age that we learnt that by agreeing would usually result in a reward and by disagreeing would result in nothing beneficial or even punishment.
By saying “No” would brings in the feeling of the fear of not being liked, perceived as a difficult person, or uncooperative if we do not obliged to the request.
“Yes Men” are those with low self-esteem who would normally obliged because of their inferiority complex. Likewise for persons who are not sure of themselves and who would like to be included in the political clique if they become “Yes Men.”
Of course, a person of weak character will not be able to resist the subtle request of a charismatic person especially if he is from senior management.
There is also corporate office culture, which needs to be considered when confronted with a favour to do something for another person. The subtle favour may come in the form of a request but it is actually a demand as understand by the office culture of the corporation. Also by saying “Yes” would brings brownie points to the person in this situation.
The disadvantage of a “Yes Men” is a rise in back-stabbing and destructive office politics. There is also lack of trustworthiness and dishonesty would even rear its ugly head. Some corporations even have lost productivity.
There are also repercussions to the individual person who becomes a “Yes Man” when he actually needs to say “No.” They are:
- Feel more stressed
- Lost confidence
- Make poor decisions
- Feel overwhelmed and even burn themselves out
- Lost integrity
- Become ill more often because of stress and guilt
- Pent up resentment
- Undermined relationship
- Build up of anger
The last point on anger is dangerous as it can even lead to impact on the spouse, children or other family members, who are all really innocent bystanders of the wrong decision-making by the angry person who said “Yes” when his conscience tells him to say “No.”
However a genuine response of the affirmative can be made out of love or compassion of that person, that pivoted you to answer “Yes.”
In conclusion, we really need to think carefully first before we answer either “Yes” or “No.”