SAYING YES TO SOLUTION

A few years ago, in a summer camp we were given an activity. We were split in pairs of students and were told to hold each other’s hands tightly. There were two instructors. One was shouting hold the hands tight. The other was saying, “the one who leaves the hand wins!” Obviously, most of us followed the first instructor who was shouting and did not leave the hands. We completely ignored what the other was saying. Of course we were just kids then!

As I remember this incident, I am compelled to think why did we not listen to the other instructor? The clear reason was, we did not wish that our partner should win. We clearly ignored that had we left our hands in an instant, we both could have won! Something in our heart and mind did not allow us to do so. What was that? It could be a sense of competition, the want to not let go first, the immaturity of collectively losing and so on. But that was just a game. Do you see such situations in life?

In a conflict or a dispute, in a race to prove our point we tend to hear the noise that goes around us. The noise of our ego; that of our survival instinct; that of our positions; that of our short-term goals, that of all those who pamper our irrational thinking. In this noise, we ignore the voice of our conscience, our rationality that keeps telling us to focus on future; to not get attached with conflict; to look at the big picture; to take care of our interests; to innovate the solutions; to look at the dispute for what it is- a situation; to not look at the dispute for what it is not- the person.

In a dispute, can there be a single winning side? Yes. Can there be a win-win situation? If we want. Will a win-win situation harm the disputing parties? Of course not. Then what stops us, is us!

Can you deal with all the issues that have led to a dispute and find a comprehensive solution? Yes! Will we arrive at it if we don’t look for it? No! Then what stops us from looking for it? It’s us!

Can we resolve a dispute in an effective way and in least time? Yes. Do we still wish to fight? Many a times, yes. Does this benefit us? No. Who compels us to stick to fighting? It’s us!

By us I don’t mean the bodily existence that we are. Our perception of right and wrong, our ego, our fight-flight instinct, our positions, the inflexibility that makes us not let go, the perceived inferiority that may come from conceding, sometimes the sense of just-unjust, apprehension that we may give away more if we step forward, all of this makes ‘us’. A Resolution oriented life is limited only by this.

Can this change? Yes! If we are awake to the instances leading to the dispute and if we say yes to finding solution. A dispute is what we make of it. If I want a dispute to be the sole goal of my life, I will live for it. If I want it to be a just that, a dispute, I will find a way to resolve it and live free from it. What relief that would be! I just have to make the choice! ?Now the natural question is what if only I take this step and my counterpart does not? This can and will happen. It is only a matter of time that our counterpart will mirror our behavior.

Solutions are not difficult to find. We need to actively look for them. When stuck with a dispute, just keep looking. It will come to us!

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